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Thursday, July 30, 2009

Don't Get Caught Up in the How

A lot of times, when we're believing God for a mate, we get caught up in the "How" of it all. You know what I mean, it's been a while and you're like, "Lord, I know you're going to bless me with a mate, but HOW will you do it?" You can't quite figure it out so you find yourself sitting in the same area where a certain single brother at church normally sits, or you may even move to another city or change careers because you figure, "There must not be any good men where I am anyway - maybe my mate is in this new city."

Just like the man at the pool of Bethesda, some of us worry ourselves and grow deeply discouraged while trying to figure out how God is going to send us our mates. Instead of focusing on the "how," focus on trusting God while knowing that He will bring all the desires of your heart to pass in due season for your life. Hold fast to your profession of faith, allow God to order your steps, remain faithful to Him, and let God hook you up!

Scripture References:

Delight thyself also in the Lord: and He shall give thee the desires of thine heart. Psalm 37:4

Let us hold fast to the profession of our faith without wavering; (for he is faithful that promised;) Hebrews 10:23

The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord: and he delighteth in his way. Psalm 37:23

Much love in Christ, Kim Brooks
Black Expressions' Bestselling author of, He's Fine...But is He Saved? its sequel, He's Saved...But is He For Real?and non-fiction mini-book,The Little Black Survival Book for Single Saints

Monday, July 20, 2009

Top Body Language Flirting Signs

Okay, let’s say you’re at a Christian singles group gathering, and there are a bunch of cute guys (Hey, we can dream, right?) in the room. Here are some body language flirting signs to look for:

Body Language Flirting Sign #1: Smiling
When a guy flashes you those pearly whites, (well, we hope they’re white) that usually means he’s pleased to have you in his company. Just make sure he’s smiling at you, and not the girl behind you. Have you ever done that before?

Body Language Flirting Sign #2: Modeling
What? Well behavioural scientists say when someone is body language flirting they subconsciously “model or line up” with the behaviour of the person of interest. Examples here could be having their feet pointed in the same direction, crossing or uncrossing of legs, blinking, cracking knuckles, etc.

Body Language Flirting Sign #3: Making Frequent Eye Contact
Two simple points here: First, all guys (including Christian guys) are attracted by sight, and have a healthy appreciation for the female attributes, including a woman’s eyes, face and figure. If a guy denies this fact, he’s a liar and probably not the kind of guy you want around anyway. Secondly, the eyes often give away the heart’s intentions. There are different types of eye contact you should look out for, depending on the personality of the guy. If you have a sweet, shy guy on your hands, he may attempt to sneak a peak at you without you realizing it. Then when you turn in his direction, he may get red faced, or quickly look in a different direction. The second kind of eye contact is the kind a guy with confidence and boldness will practice. He has no problem making extended eye to eye contact. Do you know the type?

Body Language Flirting Sign #4: Grooming Self
This body language flirting sign includes doing such things as fixing collars, pulling up socks, straightening ties. This is the male ego’s way of preparing himself for the hunt.

Body Language Flirting Sign #5: Strutting
The guy will stand up straight, with shoulders back and chest out. Some single gals I know refer to this ritual as the “Peacock Strut”. Some girls out there are saying, “yep, I’ve seen that before.”Well there you have our top five body language flirting hints that guys will do around girls they like. Being aware of these may help any Christian single girl whose in “the market” for a nice Christian guy.---http://christian-dating-service-plus.com/christian-singles-groups-and-singles.htm

Friday, July 17, 2009

Rules Of Relationship (male perspective)

Just For Fun Friday! 1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If
it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it

2. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the
changing of the tides. Let it be.

3. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going
to think of it that way.

4. Crying is blackmail.

5. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

6. "Yes" and "No" are perfectly acceptable answers to
almost every question.

7. Come to us with a problem only if you want help
solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your
girlfriends are for.

8. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem.
See a doctor.

9. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an
argument. In fact, all comments become null and void
after 7 days.

10. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret
girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

11. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't
ask us.

12. If something we said or do can be interpreted two
ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we
meant the other one.

13. You can either ask us to do something or tell us
how you want it done. Not both. If you already know
best how to do it, just do it yourself.

14. Whenever possible, please say what
ever you have to
say during commercials.

15. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and
neither do we.

16. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default
settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color.
Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea
what mauve is.

17. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

18. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we
will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying,
but it is just not worth the hassle.

19. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to,
expect an answer you don't want to hear.

20. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything
you wear is fine. Really.

21. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you
are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the
shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

22. You have enough clothes.

23. You have too many shoes.

24. DRINKS are as exciting for us as handbags are for you.

25. I am in shape. ROUND is a shape.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Control Freak Signs

In considering whether or not you are dating a control freak, consider the following questions:
  • Is he or she overly jealous and or possessive?

  • Does your date like to take charge by planning all the details of your dates?

  • Does he or she always know best about what you need to read, eat, see, wear, or hear?

  • Is it difficult to express your own beliefs or opinions around your date?

  • Does he or she always need to dominate a conversation? (Specially for Christian single women)

  • Does he insist on you submitting to him as your spiritual leader even though you are not married?

The bottom line is control freaks like to be in charge. If you answered “yes” to one or more of the above questions, you are probably dealing with the control freak. You may also want to consider whether or not you in fact are a victim in an abusive relationship.

Monday, July 13, 2009

Lose the Laundry List

It is impossible for life partners not to develop some frustrations and disappointments with one another over time. unfortunately, this material creates a growing laundry list of complaints. We take note of the negative, mentally and emotionally record it, and let it work on us and our responses to our mates.
The first step in losing the laundry list is to acknowledge what you are feeling. Once again, he forgot to add milk to the grocery list, and you have to make an emergency run to the store. She "cleaned up" your papers, even though you asked her not to, and now that receipt is nowhere to be found. Or that tired joke was make at your expense again while dining out with friends. You're angry or hurt or feeling disrespected. Admit what you're feeling to yourself, and you open the door to a positive approach to the negative feelings instead of letting them fester and grow.
Now, forgive the person. Your negative feelings may be entirely appropriate, or they may not. In either case, if you carry them around inside, you close yourself off to healing and build a wall between you and your partner. You may need to vent by saying something like, "When you do that, I feel..." Or you may choose not to speak.
Next, forget the gripe. Complaints are like bad dreams. If you move on after them, they lose their impact, but if you relive them again and again in your mind or conversation, they grow out of proportion to their real importance. Let them go. Holding on to your grievances will hurt you more than anyone else, and it will crowd out the possibility for positive change.
Now, practice having a positive perspective. Your partner almost certainly has shortcomings. So do you. But your partner also has strenghts that deserve better than equal attention. Often what we judge as negative in another is more a matter of simple differences. He may forget to add items to the grocery list because he's a dreamer, a creative type. The world needs dreamers and creators. She may clean up out of a desire to make a beautiful home for both of you. That's a wonderful impulse that deserves the compromises necessary to allow her to fulfill it.
In short, there is no end to gripes and grievances. But you can choose to lose the laundry list.
Richard Carlson

Thursday, July 9, 2009

Single and Satisfied

The other day I dropped in on my sister who is single. I found her reading a book and listening to music, curled up in a very comfortable pose on the chaise. She talked about a symphony she was going to attend and an evening of elegance she had scheduled for the following week. i could scarcely get a word in as my sister shared what she had planned to do next.
I thought of how many women come home alone, dead-bolt the front door, and live with the echo of emptiness in the house. maybe their lives don't resemble the pictures of vibrant, loving relationships that are used to market everything. One can hardly pick up a box of tooth paste without seeing images of attractive couples playing on the beach in scanty attire. These ads sell products, but they also sell the idea that happiness depends on the presence of someone else. It's no wonder so many believe that real joy begins and ends with the feel of another person's heartbeat. But one can be in a relationship and still feel alone. And one can be single and never lonely.
So if you find yourself single today, you have lots of company. But there's no need to be lonely. You have given the gift of life and enjoy it you must. Real joy and sustained peace come from within, nourished by a healthy engagement with one's life and comfort with oneself. If you don't enjoy your own company, no one else will either. Fun-loving people attract others because they start the party before any guest arrives.
Are you single and feeling a little blue? Challenge yourself to switch up your routine. Start dating yourself. Take a coworker out to dinner or a play, enroll in dance classes, volunteer in your neighborhood, serve on a church committee, go on a cruise with good friends. If you 're melancholy, see it as an opportunity to broaden your interest, deepen existing relationships, and bolster your faith in God.
Having faith replaces loneliness with the recognition that our lives are divinely orchestrated. Faith seasons the heart with a sense of purpose and the awareness that we are not wandering alone on the planet. Being single is not a perpetual state.

Sunday, July 5, 2009

Stay Out Of His Stuff

This message is moreso for the single women who are dating. However if you are married I personally feel that if your spouse is giving you a reason to snoop then don't be blind or naive and do what's necessary within means as well as asking him/her. Lady A

You would think that everybody knows to stay out of everybody else's stuff. You would think.
Prying, poking, snooping, opening, searching , and sneaking into are some of the most dangerous an undignified acts any woman can commit. Men hate that some women choose to do it, and the women who love them hate what they uncover when they do it. It's bad news for both of you.
When uninvited, stay out of his drawers, closets, pockets, papers, and cabinets. If you feel it's the only way to get the real truth, that's a sure sign the relationship lacks honesty, trust, and mutual respect in the first place. Whatever it is you may find is not going to make things any better-and probably a whole lot worse!
Getting to the truth is important, but how you get to it is equally important. Whether it's your hands, eyes, ears, or nose in his stuff (or his in yours), we're talking about a serious violation of someone else's space. It has no place in a loving relationship.

Because you wouldn't want, under any circumstances, to admit that you went through his stuff, you will never be in the position to get absolute confirmation that what you found is what you think it is, or means what you think it means. No man, guilty or innocent, will feel obligated to explain evidence gotten through snooping. If you find nothing, you will have to live wit the guilt of having betrayed his trust in you. If you do find something, you are now no less guilty of a crime than you may suppose him to be.

Snooping is a fear-based response. It demeans and devalues the one who does it and the relationship itself. It proceeds from a point of weakness and desperation, rather than straight and assertiveness. It reduces the most refined and intelligent women, instantly transforming them not unappealing blobs or paranoia.
Keep your eyes open and ask for honest answers to your honest questions. Draw conclusions and make decisions based on information you have gotten by legitimate means. Trust yourself enough to be able to do what you need to do with what you've gotten rightly. If you go looking for dirt, you are liable to find it, and it's liable to get all over you.
Say it: "Respect for his privacy and possessions is reason enough for me to stay out of his stuff. Respect for myself is an even better reason."
Do it: "Congratulate yourself, either because you've never been guilty of snooping, or because you won't ever be again."
Dr. Elmore

Thursday, July 2, 2009

Don't Use Sex as Either a "Sample of" of a "Substitute for"

Somewhere along the way, the physical side of love has become like some sort of a multipurpose kitchen utensil ("useful for over one thousand purposes"). Some women use it as an introductory offer, allowing a man to try a free sample before he commits to the whole package. Others use sex as a substitute for talking out feelings, or working out problems. ("Let's not fight...let's just have sex!")
The quickest way to wear out a high-quality, simply terrific anything is to use it repeatedly for purposes for which it was not intended. Sex as a "sample of..." or a "substitute for..." are two such valueless uses. Whenever a good thing gets used for everything, it becomes good for nothing.
Sex is the very special expression of love between the two of you that says "I have deep and abiding commitment to you, and you to me, therefore I offer you all of me." Sex is because you already have love and commitment. It is not the tool to try to get it. That's why sex is at its best in a committed marriage.
Since men, by nature, highly value masterful performance, for some of them sex can become some kind of proving ground, where they attempt to get reassurance of their worth as a man. Sadly, they have substituted ego-building for love making. Since women, by nature, highly value harmonious and secure relationships, sex can be used to get reassuring "proof"
that an intimacy bond exists, when perhaps it doesn't at all.
Your body, and the pleasure of its company, should never be offered carelessly. It's not a free sample, a thirty-day trial, or an investment for future returns. It is never to be used as an acceptable alternative to solid, self-disclosing communication between the two of you.
Sex is not a "you get yours, I"ll get mine" thing. It's an "I have received love from you, therefore I want to give myself to you" thing. By making it other than that you make it less than that.
Say it: "Making love is not the means to an end, it is an end unto itself. I refuse to use sex as a flashy free sample of who I am, or a convenient substitute for work we need to do to help our love grow."

Dr. Ronn