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Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Is It Wrong To Stay In The Same House Before Marriage?


~Lady A's View~
To My:
Followers, silent followers, commentors, stalkers, and for the accidentally hit the wrong button readers, everyone situation is different. What make work for some may not work for others. It's best to pray and ask God for the best answer for YOU! God is not going to tempt you, He knows what you can handle. If you are facing this situation, ask yourself, "are my intentions pure?"---Thanks for reading, ~Lady A~

-By Cindy Wright

The question was posed to us at Marriage Missions:

Should two single people stay together in the same house before they get married — even if it is just a day here and a day there — and even if it’s claimed that it is due to logistical/geographical or traveling reasons? What if it’s claimed that they’re not having sexual relations together and the man is sleeping on the floor and the lady is sleeping on the bed?


I wish we could say that it would be just fine for this couple to stay in the same house alone together before they marry because I’m sure it would be much more convenient that way. The problem isn’t just in the fact that they’re staying in the same house together when they’re single, because they could be very innocent in their motives and their actions.

Before I was a Christian, I was in that kind of situation several times and I still stayed pure — so I know it is possible.

The problem is, that they are putting themselves into a situation which gives the enemy of our faith a foothold to tempt them. The spiritual enemy of darkness is very clever and wants to rob them of being pure for their wedding night and will stop at nothing to convince them that they can give in to their temptation and they’ll be just fine. (A good example of this is Adam and Eve.)

And this is true even if one or the other of them has had sexual relations before this. When you know something to be sin, you are to stop immediately and not do it again.

The enemy of our faith wants to steal from us and God any type of spiritual victory that’s possible. For this reason the temptations are very tuned in to the person who is being tempted, so there’s more of a possibility of making the fall into sin. God’s enemies know each one of us personally and have studied what has the best chance of bringing us down for the purpose of displeasing God and hurting His heart.

The Bible says to flee temptation so this couple needs to know that if they put themselves into a place where they are alone with their temptation, they are vulnerable and aren’t obeying God’s warnings.

Also, the Bible tells us to stay away from even the “appearance of evil.” If this couple stays together like this — even if they are innocent, they will give fuel to someone who can accuse them of doing more than they are. Many people would never believe that a couple could stay together in circumstances like this and not fall into sin so the lies could take root in someone else’s mind (even if this couple is innocent). This will hurt their testimony and the testimony of Christ. And because we aren’t supposed to be a stumbling block to someone who is weaker in their faith, this could put them into that kind of situation.

If this couple asks a friend or relative to stay in the home when they are there together, then this could work — as long as the person is someone who is trust-worthy and who won’t lie about the situation at some later date. Or maybe one or the other could stay with a friend or relative in the area during these times. They’re bound to know someone who could make this possible.

The main thing is… you want to keep the relationship in the best light possible until it is time for them to marry. I’ve never heard of a person who takes the higher road by protecting how things are, and how they appear to be, to regret it later. But I’ve heard of many who give in, only to deeply regret it later.

We pray this answer will help in some way. We really admire the integrity of any couple who chooses stay pure. Doing things God’s way is commendable — not enough people consider God’s feelings in all of this. Congratulate this couple for us. We’re proud of them.

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

First Date Etiquette On How To End A First Date

Christian or not, first date etiquette can be tricky when it comes to

knowing how to end a first date. It’s hard to be dogmatic about first date etiquette for the simple reason that each first date is different

from all others. However the following first date etiquette guidelines on how to end a first date may help. For first

date etiquette rules for first dates in general.

Need a brush up on First date do’s and don’t’s? Going on your first date with someone you met though one

of the online dating services like eHarmonycan be fun and exciting, but also a little scary. Let’s face it, the primary purpose of a first date is to assess whether there is enough chemistry to spend even more

time together. There are a number of first date “do’s and don’t’s” questions to consider:

  • What will we do on our first date?
  • What should I wear?
  • What should be the topic of conversation?
  • How do I end the first date?

While each first

date is as different as the number of singles in the world, there are a number of “first date do’s and dont’s that can help you have a

great time:

First Date Dating Do's and Don'ts

  1. This first dating step should occur before you step out your door. Make sure you are familiar with online safety dating tips, and plan accordingly.

  2. Choose activities where you will be able to speak with your date. I know movies and concerts are popular dates, but what good is it if you spend three hours together, but are not able to verbally communicate? Remember, great conversation causes sparks to fly, and is also a way to ascertain where your date’s heart is.

  3. Be totally centered on your date, even if there are numerous people nearby. This means giving your utmost attention to them by listening intently to their words and body language. This will not only help you interpret how the first date is going and when to call it a night, but will also make the other person feel more confident and relaxed.

  4. Your dress should be casual and attractive, but not sexually provocative. I’m sure you know what I mean (:

  5. Use humor and light-heartedness to relax yourself and your date.

  6. As Christian singles, it is totally appropriate and attractive to end the evening holding hands in prayer to the Lord, asking Him to guide you in this dating relationship.

First Date Dating No-Nos

  1. Never spend your first date speaking about your previous relationships and dating partners. Nothing is a bigger turnoff or more boring. Yuck! ):

  2. Don’t monopolize the conversation by centering too much on your own stories and needs.

  3. Don’t share your deepest, darkest secrets (and everyone has some) on your first date. We are not saying to not be honest and open, just allow some time to get to know each other in person.


Thursday, March 18, 2010

Reasons Not To Get Married

Most of us either knows someone who is planning on getting married or maybe you’re planning that special event yourself in the future. If that’s true, then you’ll want to pay attention to what Dr Randy Carlson has to say in this Marriage Message. In it, he gives various reasons you shouldn’t get married, or you shouldn’t marry the person you are planning on marrying, or it’s good information to give to someone else who is planning a wedding, to prayerfully consider.

It comes from a magazine called “Insights and Inspiration” that the the ministry of Family Life Radio used to send out to their subscribers. This article was featured in their November 2006 issue and is titled, “Seven Reasons Not to Get Married.” Here is what Dr Carlson shares:

“Those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this” (1 Corinthians 7:28b).

Can you imagine this passage of Scripture quoted as part of a wedding ceremony? The Apostle Paul’s realistic take on marriage goes against the romantic ideal of “love at first sight” and, even more, the belief that wedlock will bring perpetual bliss. But Paul’s opinion on marriage (not surprisingly, Paul chose to remain single) does spotlight a truth that couples cannot afford to ignore — whether they’re contemplating getting married, are already engaged, or have been wed for years.

Being a husband or wife is not easy. More specific, marriage will, at times, bring great difficulty. Divorce remains prevalent because many couples do not realize this, so when trouble comes, they give up too soon, hurt and disillusioned as their definition of what a marriage should be becomes shattered.

I don’t want that to happen to you. Therefore, I put together this unusual list, and even did an entire radio program on this topic — the Seven Reasons Not to Get Married — to give you the reality check you need to go into marriage, or continue onward in your existing marriage, with your eyes wide open. Consider each one carefully and honestly.

You should probably not get married if…

1. You are unwilling to put the needs of another person above your own. Romans 12:10 says, “Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves.” In the Greek, “devoted” is defined in this verse as reciprocal tenderness, while “honor” is identified as showing deference to another person. How often are these characteristics apparent in how you behave toward your fiance or spouse?

2. You are easily offended, carry grudges and are unwilling to forgive.An overly sensitive, vengeful or calloused attitude has no place in any relationship, especially a marriage. The Bible gives you the challenging yet correct standard: “Forgive as the Lord forgave you” (Colossians 3:13b).

3. You are an abusive person (mentally, emotionally, physically). Author and domestic violence expert Lundy Bancroft finds that abusers — who, by the way, are primarily men but also include women — abuse for a variety of reasons, including a need for power and control, finding someone to blame for their problems, and wanting to be the center of attention. Do you see yourself anywhere in these attributes?

4. You do not share the same beliefs, values, life priorities or vision.“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh” (Genesis 2:24). Oneness is essential in marriage, and its foundation is built on these characteristics.

5. You have an unresolved addiction problem. “Like a city whose walls are broken down,” Proverbs 25:28 says, “is a man who lacks self-control.” The Web site Addictions.org lists a variety of harmful addictions affecting millions of people, including addictions to sex, shopping, sleeping, people pleasing, perfectionism, pornography, and overworking. Each will undermine a marriage if ignored.

6. Your career is the most important thing in your life. Philippians 2:3says, “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.” Selfish ambition is interpreted in the Greek as “a desire to put one’s self forward, a partisan and fractious spirit,” while vain conceit is identified as “groundless, empty pride.” Examine how your profession shapes who you are. Does it bring out these traits in you?

7. You are unwilling to be an active sexual partner with your spouse. As a couple, read 1 Corinthians 7:1-5. The Bible speaks directly to this vital issue; verse 3 is clear: “The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband.” There’s no room in a healthy marriage for sexual games, and an active sexual relationship works to ward off temptation to sin.

Don’t be discouraged if you struggle with any of the above reasons. A quality marriage is not defined as one that’s perfect. But do yourself, and your future or current spouse, a favor by committing to change or grow stronger individually in each area. You won’t regret it, and will be able to face and overcome the “troubles” of marriage with unity and in God’s power.

To read more marriage advice from Dr Carlson, you can visit his web site at:www.theintentionallife.com.

Cindy and Steve Wright


Tuesday, March 16, 2010

When you are the right person, your life is filled with joy. Jesus said that He gave us joy that the world could not take away, and yet we allow men to take it away. We allow circumstances to take it away, but 'the joy of the Lord is our strength.' When we give our joy away, we literally give our strength away. God wants us to be self-sufficient and dependent at the same time. That seems like an oxymoron, but what He wants is He wants you to reflect that He does provide for you in every way, but that you are also open to having a partner in your life; dependent on Him for all the really heavy stuff, but also willing to partner with someone else for the stuff that is made for men to handle.

What you have to do in order to attract the right person is be the right person because a lot of the relationships we end up in are really the reflection of what is going on inside of us. When you keep meeting these jerks and you think, Why am I always…? That is the level that you think you deserve, and you haven't dealt with that yet. I am now, I think, at a good place. I don't attract those types of people anymore because I know what my world consists of, I know what I have to contribute, and I know that I would be a valuable asset in a man's life. When a man comes into my world, he senses that and he makes his own decisions based on do I deserve her or not. I no longer have to make those types of decisions.

But most women don't know their own value, and they don't know their own value because they are not doing anything with their lives. Basically, they think they are deserving of nothing, which is not true in the eyes of God. But it would be truer for them if they were motivated by using their gifts, blessing other people, and doing things that when they lay their heads down at night, they felt like they really accomplished something, that they had contributed something great to the world for the day.

Michelle Hammond

Friday, March 12, 2010


"Arise, shine, for your light has come, and the glory of the Lord rises upon you"(Isaiah 60:1, NIV)

I believe that in the coming decade God wants to exceed your expectations! He has amazing things stored up for you. He'll take you places that you've never dreamed and give you breaks that seemed impossible. His glory is rising upon His people. Things are going to fall into place so that you can accomplish what God has placed in your heart. Even the hidden dreams that you've given up on, God has not given up on. He is going to do exceedingly abundantly above and beyond all you could ask, think, or imagine! Your mind may try to talk you out of it, but if you'll listen with your heart, it will resonate on the inside of you. Don't let discouragement hold you back or keep you down. It's time for you to arise. It's time for you to shine. Let that sink down into your spirit today because it's time for you to receive every spiritual blessing and move forward in the destiny He has prepared for you!

Heavenly Father, I come to You today with an open and humble heart. Thank You for choosing me and for preparing a bright future for me. I will arise and I will shine. Let everything I do bring honor to You. In Jesus' Name. Amen.

Joel and Victoria