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Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Is It Wrong To Stay In The Same House Before Marriage?


~Lady A's View~
To My:
Followers, silent followers, commentors, stalkers, and for the accidentally hit the wrong button readers, everyone situation is different. What make work for some may not work for others. It's best to pray and ask God for the best answer for YOU! God is not going to tempt you, He knows what you can handle. If you are facing this situation, ask yourself, "are my intentions pure?"---Thanks for reading, ~Lady A~

-By Cindy Wright

The question was posed to us at Marriage Missions:

Should two single people stay together in the same house before they get married — even if it is just a day here and a day there — and even if it’s claimed that it is due to logistical/geographical or traveling reasons? What if it’s claimed that they’re not having sexual relations together and the man is sleeping on the floor and the lady is sleeping on the bed?


I wish we could say that it would be just fine for this couple to stay in the same house alone together before they marry because I’m sure it would be much more convenient that way. The problem isn’t just in the fact that they’re staying in the same house together when they’re single, because they could be very innocent in their motives and their actions.

Before I was a Christian, I was in that kind of situation several times and I still stayed pure — so I know it is possible.

The problem is, that they are putting themselves into a situation which gives the enemy of our faith a foothold to tempt them. The spiritual enemy of darkness is very clever and wants to rob them of being pure for their wedding night and will stop at nothing to convince them that they can give in to their temptation and they’ll be just fine. (A good example of this is Adam and Eve.)

And this is true even if one or the other of them has had sexual relations before this. When you know something to be sin, you are to stop immediately and not do it again.

The enemy of our faith wants to steal from us and God any type of spiritual victory that’s possible. For this reason the temptations are very tuned in to the person who is being tempted, so there’s more of a possibility of making the fall into sin. God’s enemies know each one of us personally and have studied what has the best chance of bringing us down for the purpose of displeasing God and hurting His heart.

The Bible says to flee temptation so this couple needs to know that if they put themselves into a place where they are alone with their temptation, they are vulnerable and aren’t obeying God’s warnings.

Also, the Bible tells us to stay away from even the “appearance of evil.” If this couple stays together like this — even if they are innocent, they will give fuel to someone who can accuse them of doing more than they are. Many people would never believe that a couple could stay together in circumstances like this and not fall into sin so the lies could take root in someone else’s mind (even if this couple is innocent). This will hurt their testimony and the testimony of Christ. And because we aren’t supposed to be a stumbling block to someone who is weaker in their faith, this could put them into that kind of situation.

If this couple asks a friend or relative to stay in the home when they are there together, then this could work — as long as the person is someone who is trust-worthy and who won’t lie about the situation at some later date. Or maybe one or the other could stay with a friend or relative in the area during these times. They’re bound to know someone who could make this possible.

The main thing is… you want to keep the relationship in the best light possible until it is time for them to marry. I’ve never heard of a person who takes the higher road by protecting how things are, and how they appear to be, to regret it later. But I’ve heard of many who give in, only to deeply regret it later.

We pray this answer will help in some way. We really admire the integrity of any couple who chooses stay pure. Doing things God’s way is commendable — not enough people consider God’s feelings in all of this. Congratulate this couple for us. We’re proud of them.


Anonymous said...

My thoughts exactly! I can't believe you even mentioned the verse that says "stay away from even the appearance of evil"... Someone told me that once....Wow.
Great answer, backed by SOUND, biblical points! You don't know how rare that is! God bless you!

Lady A said...

@Anonymous, thank you! God bless you too! I hope all understand.

Fabulo-la said...

Yep yep! Everytime someone asks me Y I wouldnt my ans is the same.
The bible says FLEE from appearances of evil. No? Not just stay, FLEE!

onosetale(damsel) said...

ur back!!! yay :) nice post!!! i totally agree...but its sad when adults ( in this case my aunt) is telling me that IT IS O.K to live with a man ur not married to

Miss FlyHigh said...

From when this first said 'foothold to the enemy' I knew I would agree.

Great write up :)

Long time sister!

Lady A said...

@Damsel, finally back and happy! Everyone beliefs system is different, we are accountable for self.
@MissFH, I didn't forget about you, how's everything?

Favoured Girl said...

I totally agree with the post. Every couple is different, but we each should be accountable to what we profess. If we are Christians, and we say we are walking in purity, then we should plan our activities (and sleeping arrangements) around that.

Lady A said...

@Favoured G, AMEN! How are you doing?

Anonymous said...

Wow, this is amazing because though I'm finding this post quite late, I just read an article by someone who talked about having the "wedding/pre-marriage blues."
I agree with recent commentors that if we profess to be christians, then we are called to flee, not indulge in, but flee, run from ALL appearances of evil. Do not give the enenmy a footstool. A couple may have good intentions but then again doesn't everyone....I stole because I wanted to give my mum a new coat for her birthday, shes been wearing the same old thin one for 10 years....thats a good intention, I sold drugs on the street because I was trying to feed my family...thats a good intention.

I liked what the writer said in the above article because its true, this common trend of co-hibiting prior to marriage does rob a couple of the excitement that should be there in the months after the wedding. A newly-wed should be on cloud 9, she should be beaming from ear-to-ear that you can see it a mile away but just like pre-marital sex, once the gift has been opened or tampered with, whats there to be excited about? Your waking up together, side by side is not new, the excitement you should feel about coming home after a long day at work and just being in each others arms is not new, the excitement you should feel about each new discovery about your spouse is not there because you'll already discovered them whilst living together prior to marriage, so whats new? The devil is a liar, the father of lies, the great deceiver, at the time of you co-hibiting it will feel normal, right, ok, not much to it, not a big deal but just like he deceived Eve in the Garden of Eden by refusing to tell her the consequences of being Independent and "like God", he won't tell you what he himself already knows(yes, trust and believe that satan knows that the excitement is needed and crucial for the first years of marriage for a newly-wed). That is how he operates...deception is his biggest weapon. So I'm sorry but its NOT normal to feel the "blues" after your wedding and yeah everyone else may be co-hibiting and sexing and jumping off the bridge but remember if your a christian what is normal to the world CANNOT be normal for you. You are set apart, sanctifid, called to be the light of this world, you are called to be DIIFFERENT. Oh how I wish christians will wake up, you cannot have your cake and eat it. We want to be blessed but we don't do what we need to do in order to get the blessings. For every action there is a consequence, what you sow is what you will reap. I'm not saying that if a couple were co-hibiting prior to marriage that God won't forgive them if they confess and repent and turn from "evil" but why put yourself through the consequence of your actions in the first place. God will forgive but He doesn't remove the consequences, e.g you have sex (pre-marital sex), you get pregnant. God will forgive you if you ask Him to but He won't stop your belly from swelling up.

Its not just about us either in this topic of co-hibiting prior to marriage. Again, as christians we are to rep Christ. Christ stands for Holiness, purity. How does your life, i.e the words that come from your mouth, your actions, the way you dress etc advocate Christ. If you say that your a christian yet people (unbelievers) see you coming and going from a mans house, they won't hear you if you tell them you sleep under the covers and he sleeps on top, or you sleep on the bed and he sleeps on the floor, or you sleep in the bedroom whilst he sleeps in the living room or that you draw lines on the sheets to "act" as a barrier, all they will hear is that this person says shes a christian and is living with a man who is not her husband....so its ok.

What may seem ok at the time will show itself to be something else later on.

Lady A said...

@Anonymous, that was an excellent comment. You said it all like the others!
It does my heart good to know that christians are standing for truth and righteousness.
One thing, when I mentioned "pure intentions," I wasn't clear. I was trying to say "is your reasoning of living together is to eventually sleep with your partner or to help them out until, etc..stuff like that....something for the readers to think about.
Thank you for sharing your heart, you pretty much preached it!

Anonymous said...

Lady A, this is true. I agree with it. God does feel for us because God is always with and in us. In the Spirit it makes a whole lot of sense, yet our spirit is challenged by the flesh (that which we can see and desire to feel). Let's just pray that God will have God's way.

Lady A said...

@Anonymous, AMEN!!! Well said!
Sorry it took so long to respond....