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Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Fight to Support Your Man- Never to Keep Him

Loving a man requires that you know exactly when to be "hands on" in demonstrating that love, and when to be "hands off." Although you may sometimes find it difficult to decide on which one when, the two are not mutually exclusive. You do well to do both.

There are some things that are best done standing up and some sitting down. Supporting him is one of the former, trying to keep him is one of the latter. Often, women who love men invest far too much time and effort in just trying to keep them, rather than working to build a relationship that is strong and mutually affirming.

The motivation to claw, scratch, or maim any other woman to ensure that your man stays your man comes from a fearful, insecure part of your being. The inspiration to support and champion his cause comes from millennia of accumulated strength and power, there inside your soul. You are always at your best when you walk in power rather than fear. Let your power be used to fortify him and under gird him, not just to constrain him to stick around.

Do everything you can to make him a constant witness of your willingness to let him draw from the pools of your strength.

You are worth more than having a man who sticks around only because he "should," "ought to," and "must." You deserve one who's there with you because that's exactly where he wants to be. Your loving and supportive ways can be powerful motivators for him to remain committed to love and gladly linger with you. Too often, listless lovers use the threat of their imminent departures to exploit, frighten, or control their women. Give him a surprise. Let him know, "I'd love you to stay, but if you've got to go, go!"

Say it: "It is not mine to fight anyone or anything to keep the man I love. Keeping power in inside his love for me, not inside my anger or my fear.

Do it: If you were your own therapist, what insights relate to you, and how you operate with the men in your life.---Ronn Elmore

Sunday, September 27, 2009

Retrain the Knee-Jerk Reactions

Any pattern repeated often enough-whether physical, mental, or even emotional-can become second nature. In sports, this can make for a winning game. In the world of emergency medical response, it can spell the difference between life and death. But in relationships, it can lead to trouble.

Many people have developed certain knee-jerk reactions. Sometimes they originate in childhood, at the hands of difficult parents, in light of traumatic relationships with other children, or in response to certain teachers. At other times, they grow out of adult experiences. They may have nothing to do with your history with your mate, or they may actually reflect past history with her. In any case, knee jerk reactions have a nasty habit of either doing an injustice to an innocent person on the receiving end , or perpetuating destructive patterns with someone who played a part in your learned response.

Look for glib insults. Take not of quick jabs to the gut. Beware of instant steam. These are red flags of knee-jerk reactions. They happen predictably and instantly to certain stimuli-particular comments, actions, or situations.

Whether you identify a knee-jerk reaction in yourself or your mate, don't let it go. Point it out and talk about it. Get to the bottom of it, and make or accept the necessary apologies to clear the air. Give it enough attention so that you can no longer react in that way without thought. You might find it helpful to agree on a signal when the reaction crops up again-something that can remind you that you both know what is really happening and are moving beyond it together. Then look for new, positive responses to replace the knee-jerk reactions.---Richard Carlson, Ph.D.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Loving When It Hurts

Did you know God expects you to love others unconditionally, even if they've hurt you? I know loving someone who has hurt you is hard; however, it's what God expects, which is why He has deposited His love in your heart. God's love gives you the ability to love the unlovable. His love gives you the power to love through hurt, pain, and any other circumstances your normal love would not be able to withstand.

Let's face it, hurt is a very real part of life. Everyone has experienced hurt at some point. However, it's important not to allow hurt to cause you to become bitter, or prevent you from loving others. Although it may temporarily feel good to stop loving someone who has hurt you, it will eventually lead to heartache, unanswered prayer, and ultimately, destruction; which is why God commands us, above all else, to never stop loving.

Did you know every law in God's Kingdom works by love? Your prosperity, healing, and deliverance, are all directly affected by your ability to love. God is love, and His power to prosper, heal, and deliver you operates in the circle of love. When you operate outside that circle, you put yourself in a position where God, who is love, cannot help you. Learning how to heal and forgive so you can stay in the circle of love, is vital to receiving the wonderful things God has for you.

Maybe you've been hurt by a dear friend, or treated unfairly by a close relative. Either way, you've got a life—altering choice to make—either deal with your pain in a godly manner and continue to walk in love, or allow negative emotions to consume you, and ultimately destroy your life. The choice is yours!

When you choose to walk in love, you position yourself to experience the power of God in every area of your life. He has the power to heal you of all hurt, and free you from the pain associated with it. However, you have to believe and trust Him to not only heal you, but also restore everything you've lost.

God is faithful to His Word. Make a decision today, that regardless of what it takes, you will love others unconditionally. You'll be glad you did!
— Dr. Creflo A. Dollar

Scripture references:
Mark 11:25
James 5:16
1 Corinthians 13
Psalm 35:27
Luke 10:19
Ephesians 6:12
Romans 5:5

Monday, September 21, 2009

Take A Risk A Day (But Be No Fool)

Loving someone is risky business. Taking risks is scary because we are not absolutely sure what the outcome will be . There are, you may argue, so many ways to get hurt in relationships with men or women, and you may wonder "why in the world would I heighten the chances by taking any risks on purpose?" In loving, the failure to take calculated risks provides you a sense of safety and security. Too much safety and security keeps things the way they are-the boring, stagnant status quo-no growth, no progress, no change. It's a safe way to live, and it's a sorry way too.

Taking a risk a day involves stretching your limits, testing the possibilities, and walking through your fears. It's making wise choices about what the next courageous move is for you to make in a loving relationship with your partner. It involves a willingness to put up something dear to yourself (like your time, your feelings, your insecurities, your ego) for a possible loss, or for the sake of great potential gain.

In your case, it may be as simple as mustering up the courage to speak to her or him where you've previously been silent. Or as complex as making a decision in your relationship that is as much from your heart as from your head. Risk-taking means daily taking another courageous step toward the kind of love-and lover-that you truly desire.

Risk-taking doesn't mean going for reckless, impulsive leaps off of love's diving board. That's being foolish and self-defeating. Rather, I am challenging you to "show up for your life," and cast off your procrastination and obsessive self-protection to do what feels right-if only you weren't so safe, secure, and terrified.

  • Take the risk of letting some man see who you really are, behind the mask, and under your layers of protection.

  • Take the risk of going for your first choice, rather than settling for your second, or third, or fourth...

  • Take the risk of living as if what other people think about you is their business, and not yours at all.

  • Take the risk of saying, "Yes. I think I will. I'm worth it." Or, "No more. I won't. I'm worth more than this."

The beauty of risk-taking is that some of your risks will return to you far more than you invested. Others may flop and go absolutely nowhere. Whichever the case, by taking the risk you will have strengthened your courage muscles just a little bit more.

Say it: "Too much safety and security can seduce me into stagnation. Stagnation is unacceptable to me. I want to reap the rewards that can only be mine by taking some wise risk today."

Do it: What is one necessary risk you must take to establish or enhance your relationship with the person you desire or already have? What is one risk-taking "baby step" that you would take today, if only you weren't afraid?Take that step today anyway.---Ronn Elmore

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Commit to Who He Is Now, Not Who You Hope He'll Become

Loving your man's potential more than you love who he is now is relationship sabotage. Beware. You may be despising the frog, while waiting on the prince who may never appear. Take a good hard look at the man in your life, or the one trying to find his way in. You don't have to have a relationship with him if the way he is not acceptable to you. But if you take him, take him because you can love him as he is today.

Don't deny or abandon your hopes for his positive personal development, or even future transformations in his life. "Change," "Improvement, " and "Progress" are not four letter words.

Do, however, recognize that change in another human beings is something you may influence, but something you cannot produce. Him changing is up to him.

Men (and every other variety of the human species) change and grow when they hunger for it, not when you (or anyone else) has that hunger for them. Ask and answer this crucial question: Can I, will I, love and live life with this man, if in all our tomorrows he stays exactly the way he is today?

Take a moment for an honest look inside. What do you really believe?

The Easy Lie: "I can love him enough to make him change."


The Hard Truth: "I can love him enough that he feels free to choose to change."

The Easy Lie: "If I teach him a better way, he'll do it/say it/ it that way."


The Hard Truth: "If I teach him a better way, he might not see it as better at all."

One of the paradoxes of real life is: Men are most willing to "become" when they feel accepted as they come.

Say it: "I have every right to want what I want and who I want. But I have neither the ability nor the need to change him. I can choose to accept what he is today-and I reserve the right to choose not to (and move on)."

Do it: Ask yourself: "Do I take responsibility to make those I love change? When did I start? What motivates me to do that? What will I do about it? Write it. Sign it. Do it.---Ronn Elmore

Monday, September 14, 2009

When you are the right person, your life is filled with joy. Jesus said that He gave us joy that the world could not take away, and yet we allow men to take it away. We allow circumstances to take it away, but 'the joy of the Lord is our strength.' When we give our joy away, we literally give our strength away. God wants us to be self-sufficient and dependent at the same time. That seems like an oxymoron, but what He wants is He wants you to reflect that He does provide for you in every way, but that you are also open to having a partner in your life; dependent on Him for all the really heavy stuff, but also willing to partner with someone else for the stuff that is made for men to handle.

What you have to do in order to attract the right person is be the right person because a lot of the relationships we end up in are really the reflection of what is going on inside of us. When you keep meeting these jerks and you think, Why am I always…? That is the level that you think you deserve, and you haven't dealt with that yet. I am now, I think, at a good place. I don't attract those types of people anymore because I know what my world consists of, I know what I have to contribute, and I know that I would be a valuable asset in a man's life.

When a man comes into my world, he senses that and he makes his own decisions based on do I deserve her or not. I no longer have to make those types of decisions. But most women don't know their own value, and they don't know their own value because they are not doing anything with their lives. Basically, they think they are deserving of nothing, which is not true in the eyes of God. But it would be truer for them if they were motivated by using their gifts, blessing other people, and doing things that when they lay their heads down at night, they felt like they really accomplished something, that they had contributed something great to the world for the day.---Michelle Hammond

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

How To Propose To A Woman

ANNOUNCEMENT: Check out this propsal on Ross Knight's Blog

Proposing can be one of the most unforgettable moments -- so why not make it a moment that she'll never forget.

  1. Think first. Is this a person that you really want to spend the rest of your life with? If so, read on.

  2. Ask her parents for permission. This can be extraordinarily important to her and her family. Always think of her. However, she may not be the kind of woman who likes this old-fashioned traditionalist approach, so if she doesn't, don't do it. You should know her well enough by now.

  3. Think of her favorite things. For example, does she love roses, beaches, etc.? Have some on hand or choose a site where she will see her favorite things. For instance, where is a place that she loves most? Make reservations if needed.

  4. Look for a ring. Ask her mom or best friend what her ring size is. If you don't know, get a temporary ring, and then get another after you propose.

  5. Be in your best suit.Dress well and good if you want to look attractive and handsome.

  6. Double-check everything. Make sure you have all the things you need for your plan to go smoothly.

  7. Write down something short and sweet to say. For example, say "I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you." Make sure you write it.

  8. Don't practice. You may feel nervous, but you don't want it seem like it was rehearsed.

  9. Set everything up and ask her to come to a romantic place where you could propose her.

  10. When you're ready, get down on one knee and ask "Will you marry me?" Be prepared for her to start crying and/or squealing with delight and surprise. She is just excited! Also tell her how much you love her and how much you care.

  11. If she says yes, end the proposal with a kiss or a hug. If she says no, do not react poorly. She may need time to think and a memory of your sour face and grumpy attitude will leave a bad impression in her mind. Be a gentleman.


  • Talk to her about it. If you really think that you can be together for the next 50 years, you can talk about things like marriage. Make sure that she wants to marry you

  • Originality is awesome, but don't go overboard.

  • If possible, set up a video camera or ask someone to take pictures. These will be great to show to family members and friends.

  • If you are really clueless, ask her best friend(s) or mother.

  • Have her pick out 3-5 rings that she would really like as an engagement ring. Every jewelry store said this was a good idea because even if she likes every aspect of the ring, she may still not care for how it is put together.

  • Evenings are better for proposals as it makes everything romantic.


  • Don't worry if she says "No" or "I'll have to think about it" - this is a big step.

  • Don't throw up if she says yes it isn't attractive, or cute. I know you are nervous but just don't do it.


Thursday, September 3, 2009

Who's Your Crew?

There's an old saying, "Birds of a feather flock together," and I believe this statement to be true for the most part.As a single Christian who is striving to live a holy and sexually pure lifestyle, it is important to examine your friendships and relationships because who you hang around on a consistent basis and who you allow to speak into your life influences you - whether you would like to believe it or not.

For example, let's say just this past Sunday you went to the altar and recommitted your life to Christ, and then made a decision to live a lifestyle that pleases God by remaining celibate until marriage.

It can become more of a challenge to pursue holiness and righteousness in Christ if all your closest friends do is sit around and talk about their latest relationship and how good it was when they got some the other night. Listening to them may cause you to be tempted to call your old boo to see what he's been up to.

I'm not saying ditch all your friends if they're not saved - you do have the ability to influence them in a positive way by encouraging them to live for Christ, however what I'm speaking of is your closest friends, or your core crew...those whom you confide in, share your hopes and dreams with, and those who know you more than anyone else. You want this crew to motivate you to go further in the things of Christ as iron sharpens iron. You want this crew to, if you ever have a pity party and feel bad about being single, call you and be assured that they won't judge you but will share the Word of God and encourage you to wait on the Lord with joy knowing you're running this race together.

Some of you may say, even Jesus ate with sinners...but what was his purpose for dining with them? His purpose of being with them was so he could be a light and share the gospel message with Him as He said, "...They that are whole have no need of the physician, but they that are sick: I came not to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance." (Mark 2:17)

Jesus' main crew were 12 disciples who hung with him as they preached the gospel with signs following.

Jesus did not conform to the world or other influences, He influenced them. However, if you're struggling in an area - let's say sexual temptation, you don't want your core crew to consist of those who see, "nothing wrong" with single Christians having sex - instead of influencing them they may end up influencing you!

So today, take the time to examine your relationships.

While we can't choose our family (whom we love dearly), we have the ability to choose our friends and significant other.

When it comes to the things of God, you're either growing spiritually or decreasing in your spiritual walk with Christ - there is no in between.

If you have friends that are pulling you down and discouraging you from living for Christ on a daily basis by constantly telling you, "It don't take all that!" determine if you want to continue the friendship, or have them as an acquaintance instead of a core part of your crew.

If you're in a relationship with someone who insists on having sex before marriage despite your commitment to Christ and your decision to wait until marriage before having sex again, you may want to cut off that relationship because only through prayer and God working on their hearts do folks change their ways.

You want your core crew to consist of friends who believe like you believe when it comes to saving sex until marriage so that you both are assured that you're not alone in your desire to please God.

Where can you find good Christian friends? Start at your church home. The more you volunteer and serve at your church, the more likely you are to meet other like-minded individuals. Ask God to send true Christian friends into your life, and introduce yourself to others. The Word says, "A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly..." (Proverbs 18:24) So be friendly, and let newly found friendship progress naturally. God will honor your desire to please Him by surrounding yourself with others who love Him like you do.

Because when it all boils down to it, as a single Christian pleasing God should be your #1 priority, and when your life please God, He'll be sure and please you.
Much love in Christ, Kim Brooks