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Monday, December 14, 2009

See You Jan. 2010!

Hello lovely peoples! I would like to thank each and every one of you who are followers, silent followers, stalkers, readers, viewers and supporters of this blog. However, due to the holiday season and all that is going on, I will not be posting on this blog until Jan. 2010.

Therefore, I'm taking a nice break from ALL of my blogs. I want to come back refreshed, renewed, rejuvenated, and have fresh new material for you all.

I will be doing some rearranging of this blog. Some of you all may know that I manage 5 blogs. Well, I will now condense them down to 3! I will be combining my Inspirational blog with Single Or Married This Is For You. So now you all will have a mixture of posts. I will be changing the title of this blog, so don't be alarmed, same blog, but different title.

Thank you all again for the love and support. Special shout out to all my commentors! I appreciate it. I hope and trust that everyone will have a wonderful Christmas and a Happy New Year!

Be safe, I love you all, and let 2010 be the best year from now on out. Live your life to the fullest in Jesus name! Amen!

See you all next year! (Sounds far doesn't it, lol!)

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Top 3 Fears of Single Women and Men

Fear of Rejection

Some single women and men are scared of reaching out to singles of the opposite sex for fear of being rejected by them.
Most singles who have this kind of fear and trepidation are gentle and sweet people. Unfortunately, they often transfer their own negative feelings about themselves onto others, thinking that the person they are interested in dating feels the same way.
Everyone is a loser with this kind of fear. The other single guy or girl the fearful person is attracted to will never know it, and the single with the fear of dating will never experience what he or she is missing.

Fear of Being Vulnerable

Closely connected to the fear of rejection, some single Christians hold their feelings so close to themeselves that others can never get to truly know them. Did you ever meet someone like that? They will only let you get so close, and then they mysteriously back away. You may have had an interest in getting to know them better, but their fear of being vulnerable precludes any possibility of a meaningful relationship.

This kind of fear keeps a single person from connecting emotionally and spiritually with others. Since the ability to be vulnerable is a necessary ingredient in successful dating or marriage relationships, the person who is afraid in this area experiences many missed opportunities or shallow and short, unsatisfying relationships.

Many Christians singles who are fearful of opening up to others on a heart level come from abusive backgrounds, such as adult children of alcoholics.

Fear of Change

Many single women and men alike remain single because they fear moving out of their comfort zones by taking faith filled risks. Singles who fear change are creatures of habit, and feel safe with the “same old” ways of meeting people to date. For example, using online dating services, even if shown to be beneficial, would be a very scary experience if they never tried one before.

We all would agree that change can be a scary experience. However, single women and men who have a fear of change naturally limit themselves in the ways they can meet a mate or date.

What God Says About Fear

The Lord has an awful lot to say about fear. One of the main things that jumps out at you as you read the Scriptures is that God continually admonishes us not to fear.

For example, in a New Testament passage in Mark 5:36, Jesus encourages a father whose daughter was ill: “Don’t be fearful, just believe.” How interesting! On the one hand we have fearfulness; on the other we have belief and trust. If you really think about it, faith and fear cannot coexist. One will have to give way to the other.

Overall, if you are a single Christian woman or man struggling with fear issues that are holding you back from from meeting your soul mate, take cheer! You are definitely not alone in your fears, and there is help for you. We suggest you pray over the following suggestions:

  • Talk about your fears with a reputable Christian counselor, singles group pastor or trusted friend. Oftentimes, speaking about our fears with someone else brings us back to reality and gives us hope for the future. The advice they offer could also be liberating.

  • Let God’s word and Spirit soothe your heart and fears as you look up and meditate on what He says on the topic. Here are a few paraphrased verses to get you started:

Psalm 34:4: The Lord is able to deliver you from all your fears.
Isaiah 51:7: Do not fear the reproach of others or be terrified of their insults
Proverbs 29:25: Fear of men (whether they be single or not) is a snare.
Joshua 1:8: Don’t be afraid or discouraged because God is with you.
1John 4:18: God has a perfect love that casts out all fear.

Finally, if you are a single woman or man with further advice on the topic of fear and dating, please consider helping other singles by sharing your comments about fear.

Monday, December 7, 2009

Romance II

Enjoy! ~Lady A~

Bring it on YNC:

(Romance 102 part 2)
a)The first step for anyone who has ever felt mistreated or hurt in any relationship is acceptance of oneself and improving ones self-esteem. You have to learn to move on from the past and ask yourself. What next? What can be done for a better romantic relationship. It might take weeks or months to heal. During your healing phase, take a pen and paper and list what you want. Think about any new romance like a market list, whenever you hit the store, you always have your small list with you to know what you're buying. If you fail to have the list, you might find yourself coming home with something you don't need. So in any new relationship you find yourself getting into, ask yourself. What do I want? Do I want the same old baggage? No! List and be realistic for what you wishing for:

Example of a romantic list:
  • I know he is not going to be 100% perfect but I accept it
  • I want a God fearing man
  • I want a man who shares my values, my goals
  • I want a man who is romantic
  • I want a man who is caring
  • I want a man who respect womenI want a man who has a reasonable education
  • I want a man with manners
  • I want a man who my family will love
  • I don't want a drunkard
  • I don't want a womanizer

b)Stop making excuses and remove any doubt, enough is enough. How long will you keep giving excuses as to why romance does not exist? It exist, it's your mindset, you have to change it now. You can't receive something good in your life if you don't believe in it. So it's about time to start believing in romance, it sure exist. The Mr. Right for you is silently waiting for a chance in your life, he's around the corner but he will only show up when the excuses and doubt stop. Think about it like this, if you kept making excuses for everything in your life, chances are by now, your life would be so miserable. You won't even graduate college if you believed it wasn't your thing. So tell yourself right now, I will remove from my mind every doubt regarding my next relationship. I know my Mr. Right will find me. Seriously mean it from your heart.

c)Once you stop making excuses and have set realistic goals for your next relationship. It is now time to focus on keeping an open mindset and being at the right place at the appointed time. By having an open mindset, I refer to being sociable with the new people you happen to run into. You can't size someone the moment you meet them. He might not be sexy for you but that does not mean he is not the one. He might not have the right profession but hey, he might be your Mr romantic. The right places in your life is places you find yourself going to all the time. It might be your job, the grocery store, church, cocktail parties, friends, relationship with families, that busy downtown bar, it could be anything. Just focus on your life and do what you normally enjoy doing. If you are a college student, you never know when you might find yourself running into Mr right. If you are a busy lawyer, it might be the new consultant working for your firm. If you are a single nurse, it might be that new male nurse in your unit. If you are visiting your relatives, they might be the ones to know someone good for you. It could be anything people.

e)So now you happen to find Mr. Right who happen to share all your values, the next step is for you to learn to be the bigger person. Don't immediately start to think that what Mr. "x" did to you will repeat itself with new Mr. "B." No! Rather focus on getting to know this new person and seeing what good can be found in it, if you quickly start hating every good that Mr "B" presents into your life. Nothing good might happen from that relationship. The fact that Mr. "x" was not romantic in your life does not mean that Mr. "B" will not be romantic. Take risk with Mr. "B," if he wants to take you for a walk downtown, park the car and go for a walk with him. If he wants you both to go see the museum, do it together, don't say this guy is nuts. If he wants you both to go on a romantic date and he's broke, offer to help split the bill. If he buys your roses, accept it and smile, don't say...he wants some sugar. By sugar, I mean SEX. It's all about growing from the past, not moving back to the past.

f)Suddenly everything I listed worked out in your new relationship, it's 3 months and you are starting to feel the butterflies and all that love feeling everyone loves. Your friends see that you are glowing. The new guy has asked you to become his girlfriend.

So what next:

(Step 1): Smile and be happy

(Step 2): don't forget that any new relationship takes work to remain good

(Step 3): Learn to be the bigger person in your new relationship to keep the romance alive at all times. If your new guy doesn't like you swearing, avoid doing so. If he wants you to be stop wearing short skirts, don't curse him out. Do it. If you going to be fighting him all the time over everything, you might suddenly find yourself single again and writing another list. It's all about learning how to be the bigger person in any relationship.

g) With all said, you are now on the right track towards "romance 103" which is all about engagements, marriage and keeping it all together forever. Now you are officially welcome to the club, go grab your ticket. See you there, can't wait to see what you be wearing. Cheers!So with everything said today, I pray to God to bless us all in our relationships, to anyone looking for true love, never give up on love. It will find you sooner than you think, just keep being positive, believe in romance for your blessing is on the way. Also, let us not forget those in need at this special time of the month, if you see or know anyone that has nothing to eat this thanksgiving, share with the little you have. Even if you don't have money to give, give your time, call a good friend. Do something for someone and may God richly bless us all as "we" think about others in need. I hope we all have a good thanksgiving week. I am out of here, will be back to read all your blogs. Stay blessed. Bye!

Author: Yankee Najia Chick

Friday, December 4, 2009

Romance I

This is an article written by one of my favorite bloggers. I am sure you all will find this information very useful. Enjoy!

Good So your girl has been thinking lately about this topic, "Romance 101 part 1" knowing my anniversary happens to be next week with my baby. I have been with the man of my dreams now for 3 years. Love is like a roller coaster ride, some days everything feels like paradise, sometimes you find yourself wondering, what in the world am I doing with this nutty man? So in blogging about Romance 101 part 1, I really don't want anyone to pass judgement or feel obligated to challenge their love life, I want us to all learn from this and better our lives for good. So grab yourself a cup of warm coffee and enjoy reading. Cheers!

What is Romance? A lot of people often refer to romance as the love between a boy and a girl. Others think of roses, kisses, making love, the juicy details involved when a man wants a woman. There is no perfect definition for defining romance,I might define it as falling in love, you might see it as being in love, others might call it worst nightmare for anyone. Well, why are we talking about romance? You might ask me.

3 weeks ago, I happened to run into a Naija sister with complains about a guy she was dating. The dude happen to be African, he wanted to befriend this sister but he wasn't ready to woo her into anything. All he wanted was a relationship right away.I really don't know what he was thinking, but a lot of guys fail to realize that we women love to be swept off our feets prior to being in a relationship. We all want to experience the perfect butterfly feelings, a nice dinner, get roses and teddies, everything cutie that women love. But gone are those days, guys today just want "Yes/No" answers before they waste their money on any woman. Will I say the economy is affecting the mentality of today's man or perhaps times have changed, we have to pass judgements right away before wasting resources on any woman. What do you think?

Whatever happened to the prince charming of yesterday? Today's men now curse women openly. A sister was telling me that she refused to date a Naija man, next thing the guy told her " She lacked proper etiquette, she was loud and not cute" ...are you for real? So are you saying today's men now flip the coin both ways, you refuse a date with me, this is what you get. The sister was depressed for weeks knowing she was asking question, do I really lack proper etiquette? She went on a holy war with herself to change her ways and have ladylike manners, she told me that when next she meets a man, if he wasn't her type and rejected her. She was ready to blast him immediately with WORDS, that was her definition of holy war. Is this what the new romance is turning into where we play games with each other? I pity the next guy who happens to step on her toes, he had better be prepared for what he gets.

Another frequent complain from lots of women and men is that there are few good ones out there? A lot of people fail to realize that LOVE will only find you when it's the right time. Sometimes there might be a purpose why things are not happening so soon. Maybe it's not yet time for you to be in a relationship, maybe you are not yet mature enough to handle Mr Right. Prince charming might be knocking on the door for some ladies, but due to their judgemental minds about romance and love, they immediately turn him down saying, " He doesn't fit my list of Mr Perfect." These women tend to forget that there is no perfect man, even they themselves have flaws and ain't Miss Perfect. How do we solve this mess?The new complain from lots of people today regarding romance is that it's just a myth. Today's romance for some people is all about smile, eat out and make love immediately. Some people refuse dating, they immediately want "SEX" on the first date. Whatever happened to patience in dating, I get to know you for 6-7 months, and we move on from there? A lot of guys and women are rushing their lives and following the system, people want everything to happen now now. It's either she is for me, I taste the juicy fruit or move on from there. The media plays a big role in influencing today's men and women knowing, movies and TV programmes all view romance between a man and a woman as dating in 3 days and making "LOVE" quickly. Are we missing the gap? Is this the new definition of ROMANCE?

Another popular complain from many men and women today is that: If am so romantic to a woman, she would think am fake and want to get some sugar. Most men complain that they are ready to be romantic to any woman they meet, but recently a lot of women have been giving them the "Mean" eye regarding romance. Miss too independent and strong for love, most women also need to soften up and enjoy when being wooed by a man. Some women have already programmed their minds into believing that ROMANCE doesn't exist anymore, therefore when Mr right comes to woo them, they simply reject everything. He sends you a dozen roses, you send it back. He wants to take you to a nice movie, you instantly say NO. What about a nice walk by the London Bridge, the two of us? You immediately question his motives, does this dude think I walk, I drive. Some women have this strong block in their minds, until that block is moved away, they may never experience the joy of falling in love and experiencing the real romance for themselves.

One thing I notice that have changed the way people view romance is "CAREER CHOICES." Today men and women now use career as a #1 criteria before anything can be done, if the man is a doctor and the woman is a lawyer, some guys immediately say, this is the one without even getting to know her. They want somebody that measures up to their potential, we both have to have doctorate degrees or no romance 101. The type of woman they can brag about to their peers, whatever happened to accepting a woman as she is? Even women today are no saints, some women only want men that are politicians, doctors, lawyers, this and that NAME. Spare me the names, if God or whatever religion you practice has destined for your Mr right to be a Teacher.(I am not saying teachers are bad)... Accept it and move on, you can't limit yourself to love by waiting for MR PRESIDENT.

Anyways, I rest my case this morning. Romance is truly complicated, there is no right or wrong answer. The concluding "part 2" will be out next week with a solution for the everyday man and woman. I will also include a short romantic video of my LOVE LIFE for anyone interested, with a story. Stay tuned for Part 2, it would be out during thanksgiving week. Have a good day everyone.