Don't Make Him/Her Pay for How Other's Have Hurt You

It is absolutely impossible to love another human being without trusting him/her for something. Trust is woven into the very fabric of love.
Trust is counting on another's consistent willingness and ability to provide you the necessities that you treasure (support, respect, security, mutual affection, fairness, devotion). In the past, the one (s) you loved and trusted may not have given you that treasure, or they may have offered you some miserable substitute for it (such as rejection instead of support, abuse instead of respect, abandonment instead of concern). That is how you learned the gritty taste of pain in all its bitter flavors: disappointment, betrayal, victimization.

If you've ever loved deeply, you've trusted deeply. And, you're likely to have hurt deeply too. Old hurts can leave a constant, dull ache that perhaps you've "just learned to live with."

Examine yourself carefully. Are you:

• Suspicious?
• Jealous?
• Pretending?
• Hiding?
• Isolating?
• Withdrawing?

Is this the kind of treatment due the man/woman in your life now? Or is he/she being punished for the sins of another? Hold them accountable for how he/she is, not how someone else was.

Say it: "I have loved, trusted, and hurt. All of these are my emotions. I own them. I can recover and even grow from my hurt. I will not deny, justify, or defend punishing my partner for how others have hurt me in the past."

Do it: Apologize. Make amends, with no requirements on what kind of response he/she must give.

Dr. Ronn Elmore