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Thursday, August 13, 2009

Pursue Him Because You Want Him, Not Because You Need Him

Forget tradition, forget what Mama told you or what fear led you to believe. The truth of the matter is: THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU MAKING THE FIRST MOVE. But make that move because you want to, not because you've got to. You see him. You like him. You want him. You purse him. Sometimes getting together will be because of you efforts. That's okay. Staying together will be because of both of you.

The most self-defeating misbelief that you could ever hold is that you need a man to call your own in order to survive. You need air. You need food. You need water. As desirable as being loved by a man may be, you don't need to one to survive. If you think you do, you'll act accordingly. If you do that you;ll cheapen your worth as an individual. And, if you do that you are living a miserable and tragic lie.

The love and companionship of a good man may be highly prized by you. You have great expectations of how you (and he) will be better for having come together. Acting upon a desire to have him in your life can have very constructive results. Acting upon a false sense of need to have him in your life is bound to lead to destructive ends.

The women who are happiest with their mean are the ones who can also be happy without them. They recognize that a relationship with him enriches and embellishes her life. It doesn't give her life.

Go for him, but pursue him as you would pursue gold-in order to thrive-not in the way you'd pursue water-in order to survive!

Say it: "The steps that i take toward a man come from desire, not necessity. It is not feverish pursuit of what I need to have, but a deliberate advance toward who I want to have."

Do it: Talk to a few of your sister friends about what the look, feel, and results of need-based love and desire based love are. Apply rigorous honesty as you take stock of yourself on this issue.--Dr. E. Elmore


Myne Whitman said...

Thanks for this blog, its awesome.

Anonymous said...

Im really feeling this post and the more I read from you the more I know I want from a relationship....your blog is real hun and I love the friendship that we have together. You keep it ALL real and without a doubt you are like a sis to me.

temmy tayo said...

Wish i can copy and send to a friend.

Lady A said...

@Myne, no problem!
@Oyin, Awwwww, that was so touching. And I know you are geniune too, that's pure love. Thanks, but thank God cuz it is He who knows what you need @ what timing. I'm just the vessel.
@Temmy, yes, PLEASE do copy. I have it where you can copy the page. Not a problem.

aloted said...

am not sure i understand this post...do you mean it's ok for a woman to pursue a man? if so i dont think i agree. I understand it is possible for a woman to know ahead that a particular man is her husband (i/e the holyspirit can minister to her) but i believe the man still has to do the pursuing. The bible says HE who finds a wife finds a good thing, not the other way round.

Or maybe I am just slow and getting this post totally wrong. :)

Lady A said...

@Aloted, I feel so stupid, I found the comment you left which was here. Anywho, me personally am old fashion. I love the guy doing ALL the pursing and chasing. However, the author is just stating that it is ok to pursue first. Me, nope. For others, it may work. I don't see nothing wrong with a lady giving SUBTLE hints or a tease taste of pursing the guy. A simple eye contact (u know the look of, 'hey, i like what i see and i wanna let u know'). However, to each it's own.
LOL, u r not slow. I feel u on this one. I was hesitate to post it, cuz i didn't want the ladies to make fools of themselves and chasing men. NOT!!!!!! LET HIM CHASE/PURSUE YOU! Again, i see nothing wrong for the lady to do subtle pursuing. Key word: SUBTLE!

aloted said...

aha..i am glad we are on the same page...i totally agree with your stance. :)

Tisha said...

i am old fashioned
no chasing any guy for moi
I believe
i will not miss
God's best for me

Lady A said...

@Tisha, God won't allow you to miss His best!