Forget tradition, forget what Mama told you or what fear led you to believe. The truth of the matter is: THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU MAKING THE FIRST MOVE. But make that move because you want to, not because you've got to. You see him. You like him. You want him. You purse him. Sometimes getting together will be because of you efforts. That's okay. Staying together will be because of both of you.The most self-defeating misbelief that you could ever hold is that you need a man to call your own in order to survive. You need air. You need food. You need water. As desirable as being loved by a man may be, you don't need to one to survive. If you think you do, you'll act accordingly. If you do that you;ll cheapen your worth as an individual. And, if you do that you are living a miserable and tragic lie.
The love and companionship of a good man may be highly prized by you. You have great expectations of how you (and he) will be better for having come together. Acting upon a desire to have him in your life can have very constructive results. Acting upon a false sense of need to have him in your life is bound to lead to destructive ends.
The women who are happiest with their mean are the ones who can also be happy without them. They recognize that a relationship with him enriches and embellishes her life. It doesn't give her life.
Go for him, but pursue him as you would pursue gold-in order to thrive-not in the way you'd pursue water-in order to survive!
Say it: "The steps that i take toward a man come from desire, not necessity. It is not feverish pursuit of what I need to have, but a deliberate advance toward who I want to have."
Do it: Talk to a few of your sister friends about what the look, feel, and results of need-based love and desire based love are. Apply rigorous honesty as you take stock of yourself on this issue.--Dr. E. Elmore