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Friday, August 28, 2009

Is Eloping For You?

So many times in the wedding process, a frazzled bride will exclaim "We should just elope!" But few actually go through with it. Given the high cost of a wedding, and the prominence of celebrities eloping, this might be an option worth considering.

Before you decide to elope, you should carefully consider the pros and cons.

Reasons to Elope
Most couples who elope say that they want to save money. The cost of running away for an intimate wedding and honeymoon typically costs tens of thousands dollars less than a traditional wedding. They also say that they don't want the hassle of months of wedding planning. They may also be avoiding family arguments, especially if one partner's parents disapprove of their choice of spouse, or if a divorced set of parents can't stand to be in the same room together. There's something old-fashioned and romantic about the idea of running off to City Hall. And of course, the stereotypical Las Vegas bride is looking for spontaneity and a fun thrill.

Reasons Not to Elope
You'll be missing out on celebrating with dear friends and family and some may be miffed that you didn't include them. Mothers of the bride especially tend to have hurt feelings when they find out that their daughters didn't invite them to their wedding. If your parents already don't approve of your fiance, this might be the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back, and your new husband may never have a good relationship with the family. You'll also be missing out on the chance to fulfill your wedding dreams. Some report that after eloping, they always think about the wedding they never had. You might also miss the opportunity to reconnect with friends and loved ones who live far away, but would come for a wedding. And of course there are the pictures and memories you'll miss– instead of looking back on pictures of yourself in a beautiful setting surrounded by loved ones, you might have only a few pics of yourself in an impersonal city hall.--unknown author

Lady A's Take On Eloping
It's all about the intentions of it all. Ask yourself "why?" would you want to elope. Are they good Godly intentions or wrong motives? Are you really that much of a private person, are you hiding, sneaking? What is the main reason for this major decision? Or is the marriage an arrangement so one can get benefits, ie. health insurance, green card, school scholarships, etc...
If your answer is to get benefits, then you need to find another way to go about getting what you need the right way. Ask God for guidance and seek His wisdom. You could save yourself from a lifetime of confusion and regret.
Remember, No matter what the circumstance was of why you got married, God HONORS marriage. Once you say the vows, God expects us to keep and honor them in our heart. No tapping out (divorce).

My story is a bit long, but I married for the wrong reasons:
#1. I was pregnant
#2. It was what my parents/grandparents wanted (I didn't want it!)
I was trying to please my strick Christian family. They kept saying over and over, "it's better to marry then burn." I had to take what was given to me, so I felt. I regret so much because we eloped. I missed out on a once in a lifetime beautiful event with family and friends. The ceremony was quick and in my grandmother's living room (she was a pastor). Family and friends were upset with us, but I didn't feel like explaining. I was upset too.

If I was strong enough, I would have told my parents that I wanted to wait and finish college and if it's meant to be then we'll marry. That would have given me time to sort it all out and know what I wanted. I would have enjoyed my single life and matured even more.
However all is well and God is good. I don't have any regrets of the past anymore. I had to let it go and release it. God gave me the grace to live with my decision and He'll do it for you too. I can honestly say that I enjoy my marriage. It's been crazy, but I have learned a lot that has help others. AMEN!


temmy tayo said...


How come I never thot of it when I was planning my wedding? Who knows, I may just have done that.
Just kidding.

On a serious note I don't think it is worth all that stress jooo.


Hmmm, this was very enlightening. How are things with you and yours?

Lady A said...

@Temmy, lol, lol, I thought you were serious. You almost had me. You are right, it's not worth all that stress.
@SolomonS, long time, I know! Great to hear from you!!! Family is great and how's yours?

Anonymous said...

I was thinking of eloping too... when the opportunity comes. Its cheaper tht way. hehehehehe!!!

Lady A said...

@Jabez, do what's best for you. If it's the cost for reason of eloping, then do it. Just try to have your closest family and friends around!

Myne Whitman said...

I never liked the idea of eloping. Even given the choice of wedding in naija or US by my folks, I still chose home.

"Anonymous" said...

Thanks for the article:) I haven't heard back from you though!

Lady A said...

@Myne, don't blame you, but everyone has their reasons.
@Anonymous, I have been so busy and I haven't been able to take care of personal business. Pls send me a message when you have time...thanx!.

"Anony" said...

I totally understand about tending to other things, never apologize for that! I believe I sent you a reply to your last email but haven't heard from you yet. In the meantime, thank you for everything, really.

Lady A said...

@Anony, send the same message, lol, just fwd it back to me. You are not forgotten. Trust! Pls, we are not done. Enjoy your day!