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Monday, August 17, 2009

6 Dating Advice Tips on Break Ups and Ending a Relationship

Ask the Lord for wisdom ( see James 1:5)

As a single Christian, praying for guidance and wisdom in the matter of a break up should be the very first course of action before making any dating decisions. You will be less likely to make a mistake if you do so.

Discuss the break up possibility with family and friends

God often leads through our parents’ dating advice, even if they are not Christians. Proverbs teaches that there is wisdom in using a multiplicity of counselors, so also discuss the possibility of a break up with trusted Christian friends. They may very well give you some much needed advice that helps you make a decision, or puts the relationship in a completely different light. Be sure to use these valuable resources.

Be honest, but speak the truth in love (Ephesians 4:15)

Never bash your dating partner personally, which will only hurt them even more and affect their self worth for quite some time. Do you really want to do that? Instead, tenderly explain why you feel God’s leading you to end the relationship. As you do this, remember the “Golden Rule”, and how it would feel if someone was breaking up with you. While face to face conversation allows for far better closure, if that is not possible, a handwritten letter is the next best thing. A typed or emailed “Dear John” letter is seen as cold and mean.

Don’t delay the inevitable

Okay, you’ve prayed over the break up. You’ve discussed the issues with family, minister and friends. You know what you need to do. Delaying the obvious now will not only cause more pain for both of you, but will delay the healing process. By acting now, you give the Lord opportunity to begin leading both of you to the soulmates He has in mind. Many delay break ups because they may be using the other person until “something better” comes along. Another reason for delayed break ups is that the other person is manipulating by putting the person who wants the break up on a “guilt trip” to remain in an unhealthy dating situation.

Make a clean break

Right, this is going to be hard, but you must be strong here because it is in the best interests of both to move forward. This means after the break up there should be no face to face meetings (if possible), no emails, telephone calls, letters, etc. While some couples may agree to remain friends, the data suggests that in over 90% of breakups, this fails miserably, and only lengthens the healing process.
Learn from the dating experience

Use this dating experience to learn from your mistakes, and build on the future. What has the Lord taught you about yourself? What has he taught you about what you need in a husband or a wife? If you’ve sexually sinned in this relationship, remember Jesus forgives and cleanses (1John 1:9). Finally, thank Him for the bright plans He has for you (Jer. 29:11).---author unknown


Jon said...

When you say "sexually sinned in this relationship," what does that cover exactly. Just like the weird stuff, or what? Because I've just gotten out of a relationship, and some things happened, some sexual things, that I'm concerned I may need to bring Jesus in on. What's the best way to go about doing this?

Lady A said...

@Jon, anything sexual. Fingering, her jacking you off (sorry so vulgar), oral sex and whatever else that you and your partner did that was not plesing in the site of God.
Yes, you do need to bring Jesus on this and you start by repenting.
1. Acknowlege the sin to God and ask Him for forgiveness.
2. Forgive yourself.
3. Break soul-ties from your ex. You do this by praying, "Father, I break all soul-ties with (her name)in Jesus name. Anything that was did or done in our past relationship that was not pleasing to You Lord I reounce and break those ties with the blood of Jesus. In Jesus name I pray, amen.
Part. 3 is very vital. You don't want to carry those ungodly things in the next relationship. U want it to be clean and pure.
Ask the Lord for new ideas in being in a relationship. You may have to leave the kissing alone for a while because if you are not strong enough then you might slip back into what you were just freed from...sexual sin.
Go to June archives on the blog and there are other articles on sex and what's is/not pleasing.
I'm sure others appreciate your question, u are not alone. Thanks for reading and your honesty!

Anonymous said...

Wow!!! ...make a clean break is just awesome. Funny enough, we always know this particular one but, too often, we believe hanging in there, the tides might change.