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Thursday, March 18, 2010

Reasons Not To Get Married

Most of us either knows someone who is planning on getting married or maybe you’re planning that special event yourself in the future. If that’s true, then you’ll want to pay attention to what Dr Randy Carlson has to say in this Marriage Message. In it, he gives various reasons you shouldn’t get married, or you shouldn’t marry the person you are planning on marrying, or it’s good information to give to someone else who is planning a wedding, to prayerfully consider.

It comes from a magazine called “Insights and Inspiration” that the the ministry of Family Life Radio used to send out to their subscribers. This article was featured in their November 2006 issue and is titled, “Seven Reasons Not to Get Married.” Here is what Dr Carlson shares:

“Those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this” (1 Corinthians 7:28b).

Can you imagine this passage of Scripture quoted as part of a wedding ceremony? The Apostle Paul’s realistic take on marriage goes against the romantic ideal of “love at first sight” and, even more, the belief that wedlock will bring perpetual bliss. But Paul’s opinion on marriage (not surprisingly, Paul chose to remain single) does spotlight a truth that couples cannot afford to ignore — whether they’re contemplating getting married, are already engaged, or have been wed for years.

Being a husband or wife is not easy. More specific, marriage will, at times, bring great difficulty. Divorce remains prevalent because many couples do not realize this, so when trouble comes, they give up too soon, hurt and disillusioned as their definition of what a marriage should be becomes shattered.

I don’t want that to happen to you. Therefore, I put together this unusual list, and even did an entire radio program on this topic — the Seven Reasons Not to Get Married — to give you the reality check you need to go into marriage, or continue onward in your existing marriage, with your eyes wide open. Consider each one carefully and honestly.

You should probably not get married if…

1. You are unwilling to put the needs of another person above your own. Romans 12:10 says, “Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves.” In the Greek, “devoted” is defined in this verse as reciprocal tenderness, while “honor” is identified as showing deference to another person. How often are these characteristics apparent in how you behave toward your fiance or spouse?

2. You are easily offended, carry grudges and are unwilling to forgive.An overly sensitive, vengeful or calloused attitude has no place in any relationship, especially a marriage. The Bible gives you the challenging yet correct standard: “Forgive as the Lord forgave you” (Colossians 3:13b).

3. You are an abusive person (mentally, emotionally, physically). Author and domestic violence expert Lundy Bancroft finds that abusers — who, by the way, are primarily men but also include women — abuse for a variety of reasons, including a need for power and control, finding someone to blame for their problems, and wanting to be the center of attention. Do you see yourself anywhere in these attributes?

4. You do not share the same beliefs, values, life priorities or vision.“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh” (Genesis 2:24). Oneness is essential in marriage, and its foundation is built on these characteristics.

5. You have an unresolved addiction problem. “Like a city whose walls are broken down,” Proverbs 25:28 says, “is a man who lacks self-control.” The Web site Addictions.org lists a variety of harmful addictions affecting millions of people, including addictions to sex, shopping, sleeping, people pleasing, perfectionism, pornography, and overworking. Each will undermine a marriage if ignored.

6. Your career is the most important thing in your life. Philippians 2:3says, “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.” Selfish ambition is interpreted in the Greek as “a desire to put one’s self forward, a partisan and fractious spirit,” while vain conceit is identified as “groundless, empty pride.” Examine how your profession shapes who you are. Does it bring out these traits in you?

7. You are unwilling to be an active sexual partner with your spouse. As a couple, read 1 Corinthians 7:1-5. The Bible speaks directly to this vital issue; verse 3 is clear: “The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband.” There’s no room in a healthy marriage for sexual games, and an active sexual relationship works to ward off temptation to sin.

Don’t be discouraged if you struggle with any of the above reasons. A quality marriage is not defined as one that’s perfect. But do yourself, and your future or current spouse, a favor by committing to change or grow stronger individually in each area. You won’t regret it, and will be able to face and overcome the “troubles” of marriage with unity and in God’s power.

To read more marriage advice from Dr Carlson, you can visit his web site at:www.theintentionallife.com.

Cindy and Steve Wright



LucidLilith said...

...I find this post a little disturbing because if we took time to look into our relationships, it seems non of us SHOULD be getting married. And if we intend to, do we get an attitude adjustment? This is sobering.

Lady A said...

@LucidL, yeah, I see where you are coming from and it could be sobering, but I believe that's for those who know they need to get "cleaned, healed, delivered or worked on" before they get into a marriage or in a relationship. Not saying never to get married, but until they "try" and get the necessary help. Just reading the title struck me with pain, lol....