I Need A Man For Christmas!

Q:
Dr.Ty,
I'm a student at ORU. I used to think getting here was the hardest part. But, now I understand the getting through has been the biggest issue. I know what God wants from me is what He always wanted and that's consistency. I'm doing just that. Praying in the morning and at night. Reading my bible (and finally doing that if I don't feel like it). I kept asking God questions. Why do I have such a strong desire for a relationship? Why did you see fit to expose things to me about the purpose of relationships and marriage at this young age (20)? Man, I just want to be able to focus on school! Walking around wondering when the man You promised pops up is not my idea of peace. I guess my question is how do I not stay effected by my friends engagement announcements and the like. The closer we get to graduation the more wedding news I hear. One thing I know for a fact is that I will not be getting married upon graduation like some of my counter parts. I understand that God has called me for greatness, so, I would just like to be content knowing that God holds me precious in His eyes and what He promised He'll do. What do I do?

Signed, Not feeling so Merry Mary

A.

Dear, not feeling so Merry Mary.

I, like you, desire a husband, not some temporary boyfriend to come and give me a Happy Meal Thrill and then hungry again after I digest from a cheap meal. I'm tired of relationships that begin hopeful and down in your gut you feel that this is the one that God has sent you but then three months later, he's a counterfeit of the real. I'm tired of the shortage of available men and then the few available, I'm like, oh, Lord, I'd rather stay single! Oh, how I understand when my king-size bed feels like a twin. I want to wake up in the morning with an imprint of love in the package of a man called husband, awakened by kisses and breakfast in a warm bed produced by his presence. I want to experience the joys of ardent love, marital bliss, skyrocketing, bottomless, passionate love making, and raise beautiful children produced from that, but as I'm typing this response to your question, I look down to where my hands rest on the S key and reminded that there is no ring on that finger and tonight I will be going back to my King Twin bed. But tonight, I'm going to cuddle my pillow tight and have sweet sleep because I'd rather have cold sheets than to move out of the Lord's timing and settle for less than God's best for me. Many women in their single state who desire a husband will allow the season of waiting to frustrate them and forfeit what God has for them because they become distracted or lonely. The reason that many good women end up in bad relationships or failed marriages because they don't understand the holding pattern that God has them in and a full understanding of that process. Like Esau, you understand what the Lord has for you and what He has promised. Like you, he was in the field, working for the Lord, praying and doing the Will of God, but grew faint while doing that because he failed to go through the process. Esau allowed his desire to be fed by something temporal when he became faint; his focus was diverted and he forfeited everything that God had for him because of mismanagement of desire. Genesis 25. I know, people say all the time, God will give you the desires of your heart, but many times people attempt to become God and fulfill it themselves when God begins to drag His feet on His promises and then call it "god". Isn't it mind boggling how God will show a thing and not give it to you? Show you a good man and not give him to you. Prepare you for one, but never bring him. That aches...the longing, the desire churns on the inside of you and the only thing that would seem to suffice is to feed or meet the desire. But desire can't be fulfilled until the process is complete. Because if you attempt to get a husband before God can complete in you what He needs to do, you will only produce a counterfeit man. Because what's in you is counterfeit if you don't allow God to complete you. And many women attempt to get a man before God completes them. The holding pattern that God has you in, is to complete what He has already began in you and you can't allow your mind to focus more on the complete end before the perfected work in you can contain the capacity for marriage. Many of us want to marry but don't have the capacity in us to sustain it. And that's why the divorce rate is so high, even among Christians. The Bible says that there is a season and a TIME to every purpose...a season and a time for love. Ecclesiastes 3:1,8 If there is a time to love, then there's a time not to love, and when you understand your timing, waiting can be easier when you understand the season that you are in. When you fully understand that, you can celebrate when others around you are getting married when you have to go back to your dorm room alone. Knowing that this time is simply a season for you now. The state of your condition, is seasonal, so don't allow how you feel to govern your life. Emotions are temporal and so you can't allow them to govern you or your emotions will make choices for you that you may regret later. The most important thing for you to understand now is that there is nothing wrong with your desire to marry. Foster the desire for marriage, smile when you picture yourself in the wedding dress, get the butterflies when you think of how wonderful your wedding will be, But you must never allow your desire to proceed God's Will. So what do you do now? Like Jesus, allow Your desire to become God's Will. Matthew 25:39. God's Will is the place you are in now and when you maintain your place in that position, then you put yourself in the position for Him to fulfill your desire. And yes, there may be times when you become weak in waiting and And when you get in the place where you become faint, like now, the God that you entrusted your life to, will give power to the faint. So stay at it, those times of prayer will give God the ability to help you overcome in those times of weakness. Prayer will safeguard you and will become a blanket of comfort for you during those lonely seasons. Isaiah 40:29-31. Many times we fail because of broken focus. And the reason that you are not feeling so Merry Mary right now is because desire is in the place where God's promise is. You can't celebrate the place you are in right now when you take purpose out of its chronological order. Put your purpose back in its rightful place. Yes, celebrate marriage, but don't focus more on it than the marital relationship with the One who has already captured your heart. Loneliness becomes an issue for many singles during the holiday season because they forgot to even celebrate the relationship that they are already in with Christ and fail to even celebrate and honor Him for His Birthday. They are so caught up in the fact that they are not in a relationship with a man, that the gift of God's Love that He's given to us is never opened up so that it can fill our longing and emptiness. I would invite you this Christmas to focus your heart back on Jesus, your first Love and the One you're already married to, and I promise you, it will be A Merry Marry Christmas!

Tis the Season To Be Jolly, Cheer Up, God Loves You!

Dr. Ty

BECOMING ONE

You shall fear the Lord your God and you shall serve him, and you shall keep close to him and you shall swear by his name. Deuteronomy 10:20

Keep Close – Moses instructs the people to keep close to HaShem. How close? Inquiring minds want to know. Once you see the Hebrew word here, the picture becomes clear. The word is davaq. You will find it in Genesis 2:24. How close does God want you to be to Him? As close as a husband is to his wife. God wants you to cling to him as tightly as if you were married.

In case you haven’t already considered the imagery, the biblical view of our relationship to God is frequently cast in terms of marriage. Why? Marriage is the divinely ordained pinnacle of human relationship. It is the deliberate decision to turn myself over to another, to reveal my deepest sense of identity and purpose to someone who accepts the responsibility of person-care. It is the practice field for understanding and experiencing my divine relationship with God.

Of course, that means that God uses marriage to prune me. He establishes the covenant of marriage as a means of confronting me with my self in order that I may become myself. My mate is my perfect enemy, the one who will not let me escape into denial, run away to fantasy, refuse to confront failure or lash out in anger. In God’s plan, my mate is me in another form. If the two of us are to become one, I will have to look pretty hard at myself in order to bond with another. There is a hard edge to marriage that I can’t avoid. That’s why it’s supposed to be a life-long commitment. It will probably take that long for me to get my rough edges smoothed.

Fortunately, by divine decree and heavenly engineering, there is the other side of this arrangement. There is joy, peace and companionship. There is discovering who I am in the love of another. That is also a picture of clinging to God.

The difference between marriage and my relationship to God is only this: God manages His side of the relationship perfectly. He provides perfect peace, unrelenting love and eternal faithfulness. He also never enables, never stops reminding me of the faults I must confront and never forgets to push me toward conformity to His Son. My relationship to my spouse may sometimes falter, sometimes be side-tracked, sometimes hit a wall, because we are both sinners. But my relationship with God never collapses because of Him. The more that I cling to Him, the more He will lead me toward myself. The more I become what He designed me to be, the more my life will reflect Who He is. God is glorified in me when I am stuck on Him. The more I want companionship, peace and joy, the more I have to let my spouse (and God!) tear me apart. In marriage, both aspects come together.

Moses tells the people, “Keep close to Him.” He uses marriage imagery on purpose. If you thought of God as your spouse, how might that change you? If you don’t think of God as your spouse, what does that say about how you behave toward Him?

To All Women

I often warn women who are contemplating marriage to marry someone who can take care of them. When a woman marries, it ought to be to someone who is capable of taking her to the next level. If she comes from poverty, there is no reason for her to get married and still be impoverished. The role of the man is to take her to another place. When she gets married, she ought to dress better, drive better, live better, and eat better, not constantly be in a struggle over where her next meal is coming from. My grandmother used to say, 'I can do bad all by myself'. For a woman desiring a mate, the objective, of course, would be to find a Christian man, who's settled, has goals, accomplishments and a job. But a goal-oriented and focused man can't just be approached any kind of way. So the woman who seeks this type of stability must make sure that he stands out above the crowd:


1. Make sure your relationship with the Lord is strong and growing.


2. Make sure that you are presentable. Working from the inside out, your presentation should be representative of both who you are and whom you seek. Appearance is a reflection of how you see yourself.


3. Have the ability to hold an intelligent conversation.


4. And most importantly, allow the Holy Ghost to take control. You don't need to go after him. He's going to come after you, because after he sees and smells you and knows that you're in his presence, he's going to want to know who you are!





I know there's somebody reading this who has been chasing after the 'man of your dreams,' but God says, 'Just sits till and allow patience to have her perfect work through Me.' Furthermore, it's never a good idea to be too forward and too aggressive. Attempting to win a man's affection by jumping into bed with him will only backfire and cause him to lose interest in ever developing a lasting relationship. It causes him to lose respect for you and question your character. However, if he sees that you are dressed with quality, that you smell like you are somebody, that you look like you're doing fine without him, then that will attract the right attention from him. He'll have no choice but to give you his attention. Stop looking so needy, climbing into bed, trying in vain to capture a man's heart. God woke me up in the middle of the night and said, 'The same thing that Naomi told Ruth to do is the same thing that I want them to do for me.'God is so sick of saints coming to Him trying to get a quickie and never romancing Him for Who he is - going to church screaming, shouting and hollering, but hadn't been intimate with God all week long! Stop trying to treat God like a sugar daddy and start romancing Him with worship and praise: 'I'm yours Lord...everything I've got...everything I'm not!' The God we serve, which is the God of love, demands and requires of us foreplay before He gives us what we need. In the book of Ruth, the mother-in-law tells Ruth, 'You have to wash.' John 15:3 reminds us, Now ye are clean through the word which I have spoken unto you. When you sit in the Gospel of Jesus Christ, you are taking a shower. When you hear the unadulterated Word of God, then the dirt and grime that you've accumulated all week long begins to wash off of you.Ask God to 'create in you a clean heart and renew a right spirit.' Stand in the word. Then wait upon the Lord to renew your strength. Pass this on to those who have found or are seeking Mr. Right. This message is not directed at the receiver, it is directed to women I know that touch other young women that can benefit from this information. We are to be Naomi's of the world today. Our young women need to be informed of how to catch and keep a man that will respect them.


P.S. Pass this on to every woman you know!

Author: Pastor Jamal Harrison-Bryant

If you feel like your heart has broken, you're not alone. Just about everyone experiences the type of grief we call heartbreak at one time or another - and some people seem to have their hearts broken many times throughout their lives. Just think about all the songs you've heard on the radio about broken hearts! Of course, it's not really your heart but your feelings that are hurt.

Lots of things can cause heartbreak. Sometimes you might experience the pain of a romantic relationship that ends before you're ready. It might be because you love someone who doesn't feel the same way. Or maybe you've lost a friend or relative or someone else you care about. The causes may be different, but the feeling of loss is the same - whether it's the loss of something real or the loss of something you only hoped for. People describe heartbreak as a feeling of heaviness, emptiness, and sadness. Although poets have written about the pain of heartbreak for thousands of years, when it's happening to you, you may feel like no one else in the world has ever felt the same. Or maybe you feel like every sad song was written just for you and your situation!

If you're recovering from a broken heart, there are things you can do to lessen the pain. Here are some tips that might help: · Share your feelings. Sharing your feelings with someone you trust may help you to feel better. That could mean simply talking with a friend or family member. For some, letting the tears flow seems to help them heal faster. For others, simply hanging out together and doing things you normally enjoy, like seeing a movie or going to a concert, can be comforting. Somehow just being with someone who cares about you can make things feel a little better.

· Take good care of yourself. A broken heart can be very stressful. But don't let the rest of your body get broken, too. Get lots of sleep, eat healthy foods, and exercise regularly to minimize stress and depression and give your self esteem a boost.

· Remember what's good about you. Sometimes people with broken hearts start to blame themselves for what's happened. They may be really down on themselves, exaggerating their faults as though they did something to deserve the unhappiness they're experiencing. If you find this happening to you, nip it in the bud! Remind yourself of your good qualities, and if you can't think of them because your broken heart is clouding your view, get your friends to help you remember what's good about you.

· Keep yourself busy. Sometimes this is difficult when you're coping with sadness and grief, but it really helps. This is a great time to redecorate your room or try a new hobby. That doesn't mean you shouldn't think about what happened, it just means you should focus on other things, too.

· Give yourself time. It takes time for sadness to go away. Almost everyone thinks they won't feel normal again, but the human spirit is amazing - and the heart almost always does heal after a while. But how long will that take? That depends on what caused your heartbroken feeling - and on how you deal with loss and how quickly you tend to bounce back from things. Mending a broken heart can take from a couple of days to many weeks - and sometimes even months.

While we're at it, we might as well mention a few things that won't help. Like getting angry (or desperate) and trying to hurt yourself or someone else, drinking or taking drugs to feel better or become numb, or locking yourself up in a dark room. Sometimes, though, the sadness is so deep - or lasts so long - that a person may need some extra support to deal with a broken heart.

So, be patient with yourself - and let the healing begin.

You are Unique

Girl, just look at you with your pretty self. You are so beautiful! Not only are you beautiful but you have the nerve to be talented and gifted by God. Hold your head up girl and know that you are loved and appreciated. Don't give the enemy any place to cause you to have low self-esteem or doubt. You are indeed fearfully and wonderfully made. This is your year to decree it and speak it! This is the year of new beginnings. So, get your step on girl God is faithful to perform all that He has promised to you! Be confident in Him and His word. The words you speak from your mouth determine your outcome. Why not speak good and positive things over your life girl? You are not defeated but rather you are more than a conqueror. You have been through a lot in your life and look at you now, just as pretty and as strong as ever! Oh, how blessed you are. Look what God has done and look where He has brought you from. Begin to bless God and praise Him for all that He has done, and for making you so beautiful! He had you in His precious hands all the time. Your life is orchestrated by Him. He knows you and what is best for you. Believe that He has even greater things in store for you and your family. Girl, get over the silly stuff and grab hold of faith. Seek God as never before. Sure, times are hard but God is good Learn to love who He has made you. There is no one like you.
Enjoy Jesus and enjoy life girl!











Author:



Unknown

If A Man Wants You!

For men and women!

IF A MAN WANTS YOU

If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay. Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior. Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache. Stop trying to change yourselves for a relationship that's not meant to be. Slower is better. Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy. If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can't "be friends." A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend. Don't settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is. Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better. The only person you can control in a relationship is you. Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, Why would he treat you any differently? Always have your own set of friends separate from his. Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up. Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later. You cannot change a man's behavior. Change comes from within. Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are...even if he has more education or in a better job. Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less. Never let a man define who you are. Never borrow someone else's man. Oh Lord! If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you. A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you. All men are NOT dogs. You should not be the one doing all the bending...compromise is a two-way street. You need time to heal between relationships...there is nothing cute about baggage... deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you...a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals...look for someone complimentary...not supplementary. Dating is fun...even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr.. Right. Make him miss you sometimes...when a man always know where you are, and your always readily available to him- he takes it for granted. Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need. Keep him in your radar but get to know others. Share this with other ladies..... You'll make someone SMILE, another RETHINK her choices, and another woman PREPARE. They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them and an entire lifetime to forget them. BY THE WAY, THIS WAS WRITTEN BY A MAN, SO TAKE A HINT..............



Author



Unknown

FINDING AND KEEPING A LIFE PARTNER

Golden Rules for finding your Life Partner

When it comes to making the decision about choosing a life partner, no one wants to make a mistake. Yet, with a divorce rate of close to 50%, it appears that many are making serious mistakes in their approach to finding Mr./Miss. Right! If you ask most couples who are engaged why they're getting married, they'll say: "We're in love". I believe this is the #1 mistake people make when they date. Choosing a life partner should never be based on love. Though this may sound "not politically correct", there's a profound truth here. Love is not the basis for getting married. Rather, love is the result of a good marriage. When the other ingredients are right, then the love will come. Let me say it again: "You can't build a lifetime relationship on love alone". You need a lot more!!! Here are five questions you must ask yourself if you're serious about finding and keeping a Life Partner.

QUESTION 1:

Do we share a common life purpose? Why is this so important? Let me put it this way: If you're married for 20 or 30 years, that's a longtime to live with someone. What do you plan to do with each other all that time? Travel, eat and jog together? You need to share something deeper and more meaningful. You need a common life purpose. Two things can happen in a marriage: (1) You can grow together, or (2) You can grow apart. 50% of the people out there are growing apart. To make a marriage work,you need to know what you want out of life! Bottom line--- Marry someone who wants the same thing.

QUESTION 2:

Do I feel safe expressing my feelings and thoughts with this person? This question goes to the core of the quality of your relationship.Feeling safe means you can communicate openly with this person. The basis of having good communication is trust - i.e. trust that I won't get "punished" or hurt for expressing my honest thoughts and feelings. A colleague of mine defines an abusive person as someone with whom you feel afraid to express your thoughts and feelings. Be honest with yourself on this one. Make sure you feel emotionally safe with the person you plan to marry.

QUESTION 3:

Is he/she a mensch? A mensch is someone who is a refined and sensitive person. How can you test? Here are some suggestions: Do they work on personal growth on a regular basis?Are they serious about improving themselves? A teacher of mine defines a good person as, "Someone who is always striving to be good and do the right thing". So, ask about your Significant Other...What do they do with their time? Is this person materialistic? Usually, a materialistic person is not someone whose top priority is character refinement. There are essentially two types of people in the world: (1) People who are dedicated to personal growth, and (2) People who are dedicated to seeking comfort. Someone whose goal in life is to be comfortable will put personal comfort ahead of doing the right thing. You need to know that before walking down the aisle.

QUESTION 4:

How does he/she treat other people? The one most important thing that makes any relationship work is the ability to give. By giving, we mean the ability to give another person pleasure. Ask the following: Is this someone who enjoys giving pleasure to others,or are they wrapped up in themselves and self-absorbed? To measure this, think about the following: How do they treat people whom they do not have to be nice to, such as waiters, bus boys, taxi drivers, etc. How do they treat their parents and siblings? Do they have gratitude and appreciation? If they don't have gratitude for the people who have given them everything; can you do nearly as much for them? You can be sure that someone who treats others poorly, will eventually treat you poorly as well.

QUESTION 5:

Is there anything I'm hoping to change about this person after we're married? Too many people make the mistake of marrying someone with the intention of trying to "improve" them after they're married. As a colleague of mine puts it: "You can probably expect someone to change after marriage for the worse". If you cannot fully accept this person the way they are now, then you are not ready to marry them. In conclusion, dating doesn't have to be difficult and treacherous. The key is to try leading a little more with your head and less with your heart. It pays to be as objective as possible when you are dating; to be sure to ask questions that will help you get to the key issues. Falling in love is a great feeling, but when you wake up with a ring on your finger, you don't want to find yourself in trouble because you didn't do your homework. Another perspective....There are some people in your life that need to be loved from a distance....It's amazing what you can accomplish when you let go of, or at least minimize your time with draining, negative, incompatible, not-going anywhere relationships. Observe the relationships around you. Pay attention.... Which ones lift and which ones lean? Which ones encourage and which ones discourage? Which ones are on a path of growth uphill and which ones are going downhill? When you leave certain people,do you feel better or feel worse? Which ones always have drama or don't really understand, know, or appreciate you? The more you seek quality, respect, growth, peace of mind, love and truth around you...the easier it will become for you to decide who gets to sit in the front row and who should be moved to the balcony of your life. An African proverb states, "Before you get married, keep both eyes open,and after you marry, close one eye".Before you get involved and make a commitment to someone, don't let lust, pity, desperation, immaturity, ignorance, pressure from others or a low self-esteem make you blind to warning signs. Keep your eyes open, and don't fool yourself that you can change someone or that what you see as faults aren't really that important.Do you bring out the best in each other? Do you compliment and compromise with each other, or do you compete,compare and control? What do you bring to the relationship? Do you bring past relationships, past hurt, past mistrust, past pain? You can't take someone to the altar to alter them. You can't make someone love you or make someone stay. If you develop self-esteem, spiritual discernment, and "a life", you won't find yourself making someone else responsible for your happiness, or responsible for your pain. Seeking status, sex, and security are the wrong reasons to be in a relationship.

What Keeps A Relationship Strong:

1. Trust

2. Communication

3. Intimacy

4. A Sense of Humor

5. Sharing Tasks

6. Some 'getaway time', without business or children

7. Daily Exchanges(Meals, Shared Activity, Hug, Call, Touch, Notes)

8. Sharing Common Goals and Interests

9. Giving each other space to grow, without feeling insecure

10. Giving each other a sense of belonging and assurances of commitment. If these qualities are missing, the relationship will erode as the following: Resentment, Withdrawal, Abuse, Neglect, Dishonesty, and Pain~~~~ replace it. Happiness keeps You Sweet,Trials keep You Strong, Sorrows keep You Human, Failures keep You Humble, Success keeps You Glowing.

by: Dov Heller, M.A

A Soulful Relationship

A Soulful Relationship

If you're not married yet, share this with a friend. If you are married, share it with your spouse or other married couples and reflecton it. An African proverb states, 'Before you get married, keep both eyes open, and after you marry, close one eye. 'Before you get involved and make a commitment to someone, don't letlust, desperation, immaturity, ignorance, pressure from others or a lowself-esteem make you blind to warning signs. Keep your eyes open, and don't fool yourself that you can change someone or that what you see asfaults are not really important. Once you decide to commit to someone, over time their flaws, vulnerabilities, pet peeves, and differences will become more obvious. If you love your mate and want the relationship to grow and evolve, you've got to learn to close one eye and not let every little thing bother you.You and your mate have many different expectations, emotional needs,values, dreams, weaknesses, and strengths. You are two unique individuals who have decided to share a life together. Neither of you are perfect, but are you perfect for each other? Do you bring out the best of each other? Do you compliment and compromise with each other, or do you compete, compare, and control?What do you bring to the relationship? Do you bring past relationships, past hurt, past mistrust, past pain?You can't take someone to the altar to alter him or her.You can't make someone love you or make someone stay. If you develop self-esteem, spiritual discernment, and 'a life', you won't find yourself making someone else responsible for your happiness or responsible for your pain. Manipulation, control, jealousy, deceitfulness, neediness, and selfishness are not the ingredients of a thriving, healthy, loving and lasting relationship. Seeking status, sex, wealth, and security are the wrong reasons to be in a relationship.

Q. What keeps a relationship strong?

Answer: Communication, intimacy (not sex), trust, a sense of humor,sharing household tasks, some getaway time without business or children and daily exchanges (a meal, a shared activity, a hug, a call, a touch, a note), sharing common goals and interests. Leave a nice message on their voice mail or send a nice email. Growth is important. Grow together, not away from each other, giving each other space to grow without feeling insecure. Allow your mate to have outside interest. You can't always be together. Give each other a sense of belonging and assurances of commitment. Don't try to control one another. Learn each others family situation. Respect his or her parents regardless. Don't put pressure on each other for material goods. Remember for richer or for poorer. If these qualities are missing, the relationship will erode as resentment, withdrawal, abuse,neglect,dishonesty, and pain will replace the passion. 'Nurture your mind with great thoughts, for you will never go any higher than you think.' The grass withers, the flowers fades, but the word of God stands forever. Isaiah 40:8. Shall we make a new rule of life from tonight?Always try to be a little kinder than is necessary. The difference between 'United' and 'Untied' is where you put the 'i'.

By Reverend Ronald McFadden