Cultivate Your Life With Your Wife

*For married men

In his series, The Purpose of the Male Man, Dr. Myles Munroe (one of my favorite motivators) expounds on how God has created and designed the ‘male’ man to be a cultivator.

Genesis 2:15 says, “And then the Lord God took the man and put him into the Garden of Eden to cultivate it and keep it.”

Cultivate means to make something grow, produce, and increase. Dr. Munroe says that the original assignment God left for Adam was for him to make the garden better.

In this, we men also find our assignment. God placed Adam in the Garden of Eden. Where has God placed you? Who has God placed you with?

As husbands, I want to encourage us all to cultivate our wives! Brothers, let’s rise to the occasion to help our wives bloom and blossom into something much more than they are today—that both their inner and outer beauty would continually increase.

And, I do not mean trying to ‘change’ her. But when a gardener tends his garden, he gives to it. He tills the soil; he waters it regularly; he doesn’t allow weeds to grow; he applies the right fertilizers (nutrients); and he kills off all harmful pests.

Because he loves his garden and wants its beauty to flourish, he’ll do anything it takes, and do it faithfully.

How can we cultivate our wives? I want to recommend something from Dr. Gary Chapman. In his book, The Five Love Languages (How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate). He encourages us to understand the “love language” spoken by our spouse. He highlights five ways people express and receive love:

• Words of Affirmation: encouragement through words (can be verbal or written).

• Quality Time: focused and intentional time spent together.

• Receiving Gifts: gifts are visual symbols of love.

• Acts of Service: doing something to meet a practical need for the other person.

• Physical Touch: hugs, rubs, kisses, strokes, and touch that conveys warmth and affection.

Dr. Chapman says that it’s important for us to know what our spouse’s primary love language is —and not to just use the expression that we naturally favor, but to relate to our spouse in the language that is their primary language.

Some ways you can discover your wife’s love language are: by observing to see how she expresses love; or by experimenting to see which of these expressions of love she best responds to when you use it on her. Another way is by simply asking (don’t be shy to ask).

How’s her love tank?

Dr Chapman also borrows a term from Dr. Ross Campbell, a child psychologist, who says “Inside every child is an ‘emotional tank’ waiting to be filled with love.” This is likened to the oil tank in a vehicle. In order to run smoothly, it needs to be full and well maintained. The same is true for our marriages. How’s your wife’s emotional love tank?

Brothers, it might be time for all of us to check on that tank! It’s easy for us guys to get caught up in cars, sports, hobbies, and television. Hopefully, we are not spending more time on these than we are making deposits into our wife’s love tank! Chapman says that we can expect “people to behave differently when their emotional love tanks are full.”

Let’s really surprise and bless our wives by using her primary love language, filling up her love tank, and making a commitment to ourselves to cultivate her all year round!

Also commit to telling one friend about your cultivation pledge and plan. And, then call out the cultivator in him as well!

www.marriagemission.com/category/for-married-men/

Making Peace With Your Past

Many Christian singles can’t get over the past. Several years back, I went on a Christian singles retreat, where the topic at hand was making peace with your past. Christian single after Christian single shared their sad stories of how a bad past experience, a soured relationship or a sexual sin had held them back from living victoriously in the present.

Although many Christian singles there that weekend desired a serious dating relationship leading toward a Christian marriage, few were even in a relationship, unable to get over the pain and fears that were actually keeping them single.

God’s Plan for Christian Singles

God’s plan for His dear children (Christian singles included) is that they lead abundant and joyful lives. In truth, however, some Christian singles walk defeated, unfulfilled lives. If you are one of those Christian singles today who is having a difficult time making peace with your past, take cheer! There IS hope for you.

The steps I learned on that retreat about “getting over” my past issues, I share with you:

Face Your Past and Leave it There

As Christian singles, this often means asking forgiveness if you’ve hurt someone, including God, or granting forgiveness if you’ve been the victim. Forgiveness is a wonderful healing salve that not only allows us to face our past honestly, but help us bring emotional closure, and move on. They key is Forgiveness and Forgiving arechoices Christian singles have to make. No one can force it on you. That’s a hard lesson, ain’t it?

Share With Others

That was the whole purpose of our Christian singles weekend. Sharing with others in a safe setting like a Christian singles group helps you keep perspective and can be very encouraging at the same time.

Believe God’s Promises

The Bible tells us that we can do all things through Christ, our risen Saviour. He wants to renew our spirits with His precious Holy Spirit, and helps us leave the past behind. The issue is whether or not we believe Him. Our Bible Verse of the day is found in Philipians 3:13,14:

“Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, 14 I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God has called me heavenward, through Christ Jesus."

Dating After Divorce

Dating after divorce for Christians is wrought with theological and emotional minefields. So before discussing dating tips for the newly divorced, let us express our simple views on what we feel the Bible teaches about divorce and remarriage. A future article will discuss this in depth.The bottom line is God hates divorce (Mal. 2:16), and desires couples to reconcile if at all possible. However, under certain circumstances where there has been unrepentant infidelity, the offended party may divorce and remarry. Of course, no one remarries without first going through a dating or courtship process.Finally, we believe dating after divorce should never be an end in itself, but should be part of a process that leads toward a lifelong commitment in marriage. Okay, ready to talk about some dating tips?

Dating After Divorce Tips

Take it Slow

Hello? You’ve just experienced the death of a relationship that you thought would last forever. You NEED time to grieve and heal. What we teach folks in Family Divorce Court classes is that they should do their best to avoid a dating after divorce relationship for at least one year after their divorce. Why?

• Because you need to reacquaint yourself with who you are as a single person. For so long you may of thought in terms of “us”, but you are now alone. It’s a time for soul searching, taking stock of what went wrong and seeking the Lord for new direction in your life (Proverbs 3:5,6).


• Not dating during this period of adjustment will save you from making stupid, impulsive mistakes. Remember, whether you admit it or not, you are in a vulnerable, needy state, and your self esteem has taken a beating. You could be taken advantage of during this time, and hearts could be further broken.


• Even though you may be doubting your appeal to the opposite sex at this time, getting into rebound relationships will only delay your healing process. That’s a fact. Furthermore, statistics show that the vast majority of people who date shortly after a separation and/or divorce have a difficult time remaining sexually pure, make regrettable moral choices and tend to repeat prior relationship mistakes.


• When you are finally ready to date again, you may want to consider the benefits of online dating. By starting online, you can proceed at your own pace in the safety of your own home.

Think of your children first

If you have children, the very worst thing you could inflict upon them is dating before you and they have properly healed and acclimated to a new way of life. Most kids dream about mommy and daddy getting back together again. That’s why they need time to face reality. When the time does come to introduce the children to your dating partner, this article on single parents dating and their kids may help.

Join a support group

There are many Christian singles groups specifically designed for the newly divorced, whether they have children or not. These can be a wonderful help to you and your family. Groups like DivorceCare.com meet all over the world and offer emotional and spiritual support. Here you can also meet people in your area who are struggling with similar dating issues.

http://christian-dating-service-plus.com/

Seasons Change. Will You? 8 Ways

Fall is here! Fall is one of my favorite seasons because I get to enjoy the beauty of God’s creations as leaves change from bright yellows, to dark oranges and even deep reds, squirrels scurry to save food for the winter, and birds flee.

Fall is a season of change.

It’s a perfect time to re-evaluate our lives and see areas where we can
improve, or even change if necessary.

1. My attitude. I will change my attitude about life and how I define true happiness.
Happiness is not defined by my present circumstance, marital status, bank account, or
station in life, happiness is defined by simply knowing that my life and lifestyle
pleases my Master, Savior, and Creator, God. Happiness is defined by that inward witness
that comes with knowing I am at peace and at one with God, and knowing that God loves and
accepts me for who I am and that I love Him with an everlasting love because He first
loved me.

2. My outlook on life God has prepared and laid out a great future for me. The plans
He has for me are of peace and not evil, so that I can have an expected end.
The goodness God will bring to me during this season of change is to be expected,
because I realize that every good gift comes from above. As I continue to run to Him
in prayer and praise, seeking guidance and direction from above and not because of my own
selfish ambition, He will reveal His plans, purposes, and the secret things He has for my
life as long as I continue to have faith and believe that He wants what’s best for me and
has my best interest at heart.

3. My walk No longer shall I walk with my head down in shame feeling “less than”
because no one is claiming me as their significant other. I will change the way I walk.
I will walk with my head up and shoulders back, knowing that I am a child of the most
High God and part of a royal priesthood. I don’t have to settle for relationships with
unbelievers because whoever I walk with, we, two shall walk in agreement and harmony.
My relationships will compliment who am I and help bring out the best in me – the God in
me. If they don’t, and if they hinder me and my relationship with God, then I chose to
walk alone. Then again, with Him I’m never alone, and me and my God can walk alongside
each other, hand in hand, fulfilling His perfect will and the plan that He has for my
life.

4. My talk. I will change my words, which changes my environment and my outcome. I will
put away lying, swearing, and foolish, unfruitful conversations that only berate others.
I will no longer make negative confessions such as there are no good men out here, or
all the good ones are already taken; I will instead confess that there are plenty good
men out here and who God has for me is for me! I speak life over myself and others,
I see myself as God sees me, and I call myself wonderfully and fearfully made because He
says so. I am beautiful. I am a woman after God’s own heart. I am desirable. I am
lovely. I am all whom God says I am.

5. My mind I will continue to allow the Word of God to transform my thinking into the
way God thinks. No longer will I allow society or others dictate how I should formulate
my opinion on certain issues. As I read and meditate God’s Word, then His will becomes
my will. I love what He loves, and I hate what He hates. I hate lying because He hates
lying. I hate a proud tongue because He hates a proud tongue. I value and treasure life
because He values and treasures life. I hate sin because He hates sin. I will change
my mind and believe that God’s perfect will in regards to my life and relationships is
the best for my life because I believe Him and His Word to be true for me.

6. My perception of myself No longer will I perceive myself to be, “not wife material,” or not worthy of God’s love or love from someone else. I forgive myself and I
forgive others from past mistakes and pain, and I will go forward knowing that my past
does not define me nor dictate my future but that God defines me and determines my
destiny based on His Word. No longer will I be in bondage to past self perceptions or
self-esteem issues or perceived failures while growing up. I am free to forgive those
who hurt me or failed to teach me and lead by example, and I will allow the Comforter,
in the form of the Holy Ghost, to teach me how to become that virtuous woman and
eventually that virtuous bride who is a crown to her husband and will do him good and
not evil all the days of his life.

7. My relationship with God I will grow stronger and get closer to God with each
passing day. The more I read His Word, the more I become like Him. I will begin, and
not end my day with God. I will start off by praising and thanking Him, which will
lead into prayer. In my personal prayer closet where I normally meet with Him, I will
receive and fulfill instructions from Him which I will carry out to the full.
I treasure and protect my relationship with God more than any other relationship
in my life, and will put Him first in everything.

8. My destiny Day by day, as I seek His face and allow Him to order my steps, I
realize that with each day that I am one step closer to my destiny. I will not
participate in sin for a season which will cause my destiny to be placed on hold or
get off track, but I will continue forward in the plan that God has for my life,
remaining sensitive to the leading of the Holy Spirit and being prayerful about
every relationship along the way. In doing this, my destiny will become His destiny,
and the ultimate plan for my life, and I have joy knowing that my path is like a
shining light, that shineth more and more, brighter and clearer unto the perfect day.

Recite This Over Yourself Today!

Scripture References:

1. 1 John 4:19
2. Jeremiah 29:11, James 1:17
3. 1 Peter 2:9, 2 Corinthians 6:14, Amos 3:3
4. Ephesians 4:22-27, Psalm 139:14
5. Romans 12:2, Proverbs 6:16-19
6. John 14:26, Proverbs 12:4, Proverbs 31:12
7. Psalm 63:1
8. Psalm 119:133, Hebrews 11:24-25, Proverbs 4:18

Kim Brooks

Christian Singles Secrets

Many Christian singles walk around with the burden of carrying personal secrets bottled up deep in their hearts. Whether the secrets are unconfessed sexual sins, painful memories, regrets, shame-filled experiences or totally whacked out thoughts, God did not design us to deal with such raw issues by ourselves.

From the Garden, the Lord created mankind for intimate fellowship with no room for secrets. Adam’s hiding from God after eating of the fruit is the Bible’s first recorded secret. Do you ever wonder what God would have done if Adam and Eve confessed their little “secret” instead of hiding from their Lord? Anyway, we have been keeping secrets ever since, with negative consequences for ourselves and our relationships with others.

The Bible has a neat answer to secret keeping: It’s called confession. Over and over in Scripture, we see see a connection between honest confession and spiritual, emotional and physical healing:

• If you confess your sins to God, He promises forgiveness and spiritual cleansing (1 John 1:9).
• Lack of confession leads to physical and emotional turmoil; honest acknowledgement to God brings relief of guilt (Psalms 32-2-5).
• While only God can forgive, He wants us to confess our sins to each other so that we may pray for each other and experience healing (James 5:6)

Only recently has modern psychology caught up with the Bible in terms of connecting private confession with physical, emotional and spiritual wellbeing. Dr. James Pennebaker, psychology professor at Southern Methodist University, documents a study which found that confessing our secrets can be good for the soul, lower blood pressure, lessen depression and increase your general sense of well being.

There is certainly no reason why we should not confess our secrets to our Lord, who loves (John 3:16) and sympathizes with us despite knowing all about us (Hebrews 4:13-15).

Despite the fact that confession leads to healing, there are many reasons why single Christians fail to confess secrets to others, whether they be a lack of an appropriate outlet, fear, embarrassment or unreal expectations from our own churches.

Masturbation Part II

When you masturbate, you're actually allowing a spirit to arouse you. At the point of climax, you are out of control. Your spirit is wide open, and you don't know what spirit of perversion has jumped inside you. While you're operating in demonic activity through masturbation, there is nothing safe about it.

Once the act is finished, only your flesh has been satisfied. Whether you dwelt on thoughts of the past or went into the fantasy land of the future, the enemy has just expanded his corruption of your mind. If you are a virgin and you masturbate, you have also opened yourself up to be plagued by a sexual drive that is out of control-even if that drive is subconscious (I personally have experienced this myself when younger, so true and it was so out of control to the point where I wanted to chop my own head off, I had no peace in my mind, LadyA). The enemy will not stop tempting you until your fantasy becomes a reality. This is why we must be renewed in the spirit of our mind.

And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God. Romans 12:2

Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of god, and bring into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ. 2 Cor. 10:5

We must make sure that our thoughts line up with who Christ says we are. First of all, repent. Then, take those ungodly imaginations and thoughts and say, "Satan, I rebuke you in Jesus' name. I cast this thing out of my mind. I am operating with a pure mind and pure thoughts. According to the Word of God, I am going to let Christ's mind be in me."---J. Bynum 'No More Sheets' My Accident

Be Continued.....

Masturbation Part I

Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. 1Cor.6:18

I define masturbation as a bait that the devil uses to master you. How does this sin get entrenched in a person's life? The most common way is to get involved with someone who is not God's will for your life. The ungodly acts you did together are engraved on your mind.

Now the mere memory entices you to indulge your flesh. It controls you constantly, even without the person being present. Satan laughs at this. He says, "I got you so hooked that I no longer need somebody to bring you down. I can send you to hell with the spirit of your own mind. I can cause you death by your own hands."

When many Christians are asked the question of whether or not masturbation is a sin or against the will of God, they are usually hard-pressed to find a direct Scripture reference prohibiting its practice. In response to that, I have a question. Is it possible for one to pleasurably engage in masturbation without the aid of pornographic material or without dwelling on imaginations that are contrary to the Word of God? The answer is absolutely not!

And if they right hand offend thee, cut it off, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell. Matthew 5:30

Now, read that Scripture again. If you were bound by masturbation and you heard Jesus preach that day, would you think? In my opinion, Jesus mad Himself very clear. Masturbation is sin, and it needs to be dealt with radically.

Many people feel that masturbation is just a physical release. But something happen in the spirit of your mind. Why you travel into the thought realm to such a depth that your body is aroused, you have tampered with demons. You have left the reality of today and transcended out of the natural and into the spiritual. If that spiritual realm is not God's realm, you have just exposed your spirit to a satanic realm that has more to offer than just sensation.--J. Bynum

To Be Continued......