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Tuesday, April 14, 2009

He's Fine...But Is He Saved?

A lot of times, ladies, when it comes to the opposite sex, we can get a little caught up in looks. For instance, if a brotha steps to you and tries to "holla," we immediately notice his outward appearance -his looks, his clothes, his haircut, his mustache or beard, or lack thereof. Most women are impressed by a man who packages himself well. Besides, there's nothing wrong with a little eye candy, right? However, single women of God, we must be careful not to be so mesmerized by the way a man looks, or the smooth lines he uses, that we forget to find out the most important characteristic of a man who is worthy of a Christian woman's time, which is whether or not he has accepted Jesus Christ as his personal Lord and Savior.

A woman can be so impressed by the way a man presents himself, that if she is asked out, she may not find out if he goes to church, let alone if he is saved, until about the third or fourth date (if she hasn't given it up already).

Women of God, it's time for us to ask these questions up front. I immediately ask any man who approaches me with interest whether or not he is saved. If he starts acting "nervous in the service," then I view that as a red flag. Most of the time I end up witnessing to someone like that so he can get saved (Hallelujah!). But we shouldn't be afraid to ask.

Why don't we ask up front? Is it because we're afraid of the answer? Is it because brotha man looks so good that you wouldn't mind being seen out on the town with him on your arm? Is it because you hadn't dated in a while and are looking forward to a night of companionship and a free meal? Or is it because, if you find out he isn't saved, then maybe if he dates you a few times, he will eventually get saved?

The Word of God talks about not being unequally yoked with unbelievers. It also describes the importance of two walking together in agreement. One can minister to someone else and be a light for him, without committing to a relationship with that other person. We, as Christians, are called to be lights to the world, not a friend or lover of the world.

Also, it is not enough to find out if a man who is pursuing you is saved. You want to make sure that he reverentially fears the Lord. Does he worship God? Do you see him do it? Is his lifestyle conducive to the Word of God, or does he at least sincerely try to live for Him? The way a man loves God will dictate the way a man will love you.

Love must be vertical first, before it can ever be horizontal. Sure, he may say he loves you, and he may do nice things for you, but, more importantly, is what he does for God. Does he love Him? Jesus said if you loved me, you would keep my commandments. Is he pressuring you to have sex? True love waits, so if a man is pressuring you, then that means he does not fear God, and that he does not love you, because true love would not cause you to do anything to hinder your relationship with God.

Ladies, I am not implying that you should ask a man all of these questions on the first date. In doing so, more than likely he will just tell you want to hear. Instead of laying all of your cards out on the table, first, find out if he is saved, and next, observe. Even the Word commands us to watch and pray. See if his salvation profession is sincere. Only by observing and making sure his actions line up with his words will you see if a man has the ability to love his future wife the way that Christ loved the church.
Author: Kim Brooks


Kémi Penélopê said...

As I read your post,I recall when God told Samuel, "Do not look on his appearance, or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him...the Lord looks on the heart." (1 Samuel 16:7)

I am guilty of this often times, of looking at the outwards appearance instead of getting to know if this is the will of God for me.
Thank you for sharing, I needed to read this right now...

God bless you...

Christine Pembleton said...

I enjoyed reading your post. Please visit www.ReadyToBeAWife.com and consider a link. We are on the same page on this topic of Christian dating. God Bless You!

Lady A said...

@Kemi..that scripture is on point for this. We all sometimes can get caught up in the outer apperance. God showed me how to look at the heart of man/woman and my prayer is to reveal their intentions...You know a persons heart by the fruit they produce.
@Christine, thanks! I did check out your site and enjoyed it!

chichi said...

this is a tru post no doubt, but one thing we don't talk much about is the attitude of the 'church brothas' i had a friend who dated this christian guy... and she wud av been better off dating someone unsaved, that wud av betta explained his words and actions.

there are so many books for women, on how be good girf-friends and wives the christian way, so many seminars et al. but what about the men... who is talking to them?
i wish a guy being saved was the end of it all, but there is more to it, i am sure u agree.

Lady A said...

@Chicihi, omg, that is soooo true and it can be very frustrating at times too. All we can do is allow God to direct us (women) to the prepared best He has for us. We just have to trust God. When it comes to relationship, we have to try the 'spirit by the Spirit'.

Anonymous said...

Thank God for your blog, I am happy I found it.
Keep up the good work, I'm definitely coming back to learn more!!!!!

Princess said...

--> I already knew this, but I needed to read yours again to reinforce my stand! I recently had an encounter w the Holy spirit and now I cannot imagine doing ANYTHING that is not in line w His plans for my life!

--> I have a question though, there's a difference between when the guy says He is saved and all that and if He does agree that He is saved but His actions don't directly speak it (and it may not necessarily be outright sins), but you just don't feel like He loves the Lord as much as you do, what do you do in that case?!

--> Recently I have found myself inviting any guy that wants to take me out to my Church or a Gospel concert first. I pray God will strengthen us all to look beyond the 'eye candy'. Lol.

Lady A said...

Honestly, RED FLAG! Wait on God's best for you. You will know.
Already this guy has some little red flags, and that should let you know there are other areas where there are BIGGER red flags. I don't know about you, but I (if I was single again) would want a ready made man of God. I want someone to help me in my walk with God in a positve way. You can tell when a man is hungry for God. It's the fruit he produces in his life and walk with God. You will know by his conversations, ppl he hang with, etc...

Princess said...

Thank you! I was talking to a friend over the weekend and she asked why I was only looking out for guys who will help build me up as opposed to drawing me away from God. Her reason was she assumed that if we let all the 'bad' ones go their own way who will help them? Maybe we are the ones supposed to draw them closer to God?
Lol, biko that one is too close for comfort for me!
But thank you! :)