I Need A Man For Christmas!

Q:
Dr.Ty,
I'm a student at ORU. I used to think getting here was the hardest part. But, now I understand the getting through has been the biggest issue. I know what God wants from me is what He always wanted and that's consistency. I'm doing just that. Praying in the morning and at night. Reading my bible (and finally doing that if I don't feel like it). I kept asking God questions. Why do I have such a strong desire for a relationship? Why did you see fit to expose things to me about the purpose of relationships and marriage at this young age (20)? Man, I just want to be able to focus on school! Walking around wondering when the man You promised pops up is not my idea of peace. I guess my question is how do I not stay effected by my friends engagement announcements and the like. The closer we get to graduation the more wedding news I hear. One thing I know for a fact is that I will not be getting married upon graduation like some of my counter parts. I understand that God has called me for greatness, so, I would just like to be content knowing that God holds me precious in His eyes and what He promised He'll do. What do I do?

Signed, Not feeling so Merry Mary

A.

Dear, not feeling so Merry Mary.

I, like you, desire a husband, not some temporary boyfriend to come and give me a Happy Meal Thrill and then hungry again after I digest from a cheap meal. I'm tired of relationships that begin hopeful and down in your gut you feel that this is the one that God has sent you but then three months later, he's a counterfeit of the real. I'm tired of the shortage of available men and then the few available, I'm like, oh, Lord, I'd rather stay single! Oh, how I understand when my king-size bed feels like a twin. I want to wake up in the morning with an imprint of love in the package of a man called husband, awakened by kisses and breakfast in a warm bed produced by his presence. I want to experience the joys of ardent love, marital bliss, skyrocketing, bottomless, passionate love making, and raise beautiful children produced from that, but as I'm typing this response to your question, I look down to where my hands rest on the S key and reminded that there is no ring on that finger and tonight I will be going back to my King Twin bed. But tonight, I'm going to cuddle my pillow tight and have sweet sleep because I'd rather have cold sheets than to move out of the Lord's timing and settle for less than God's best for me. Many women in their single state who desire a husband will allow the season of waiting to frustrate them and forfeit what God has for them because they become distracted or lonely. The reason that many good women end up in bad relationships or failed marriages because they don't understand the holding pattern that God has them in and a full understanding of that process. Like Esau, you understand what the Lord has for you and what He has promised. Like you, he was in the field, working for the Lord, praying and doing the Will of God, but grew faint while doing that because he failed to go through the process. Esau allowed his desire to be fed by something temporal when he became faint; his focus was diverted and he forfeited everything that God had for him because of mismanagement of desire. Genesis 25. I know, people say all the time, God will give you the desires of your heart, but many times people attempt to become God and fulfill it themselves when God begins to drag His feet on His promises and then call it "god". Isn't it mind boggling how God will show a thing and not give it to you? Show you a good man and not give him to you. Prepare you for one, but never bring him. That aches...the longing, the desire churns on the inside of you and the only thing that would seem to suffice is to feed or meet the desire. But desire can't be fulfilled until the process is complete. Because if you attempt to get a husband before God can complete in you what He needs to do, you will only produce a counterfeit man. Because what's in you is counterfeit if you don't allow God to complete you. And many women attempt to get a man before God completes them. The holding pattern that God has you in, is to complete what He has already began in you and you can't allow your mind to focus more on the complete end before the perfected work in you can contain the capacity for marriage. Many of us want to marry but don't have the capacity in us to sustain it. And that's why the divorce rate is so high, even among Christians. The Bible says that there is a season and a TIME to every purpose...a season and a time for love. Ecclesiastes 3:1,8 If there is a time to love, then there's a time not to love, and when you understand your timing, waiting can be easier when you understand the season that you are in. When you fully understand that, you can celebrate when others around you are getting married when you have to go back to your dorm room alone. Knowing that this time is simply a season for you now. The state of your condition, is seasonal, so don't allow how you feel to govern your life. Emotions are temporal and so you can't allow them to govern you or your emotions will make choices for you that you may regret later. The most important thing for you to understand now is that there is nothing wrong with your desire to marry. Foster the desire for marriage, smile when you picture yourself in the wedding dress, get the butterflies when you think of how wonderful your wedding will be, But you must never allow your desire to proceed God's Will. So what do you do now? Like Jesus, allow Your desire to become God's Will. Matthew 25:39. God's Will is the place you are in now and when you maintain your place in that position, then you put yourself in the position for Him to fulfill your desire. And yes, there may be times when you become weak in waiting and And when you get in the place where you become faint, like now, the God that you entrusted your life to, will give power to the faint. So stay at it, those times of prayer will give God the ability to help you overcome in those times of weakness. Prayer will safeguard you and will become a blanket of comfort for you during those lonely seasons. Isaiah 40:29-31. Many times we fail because of broken focus. And the reason that you are not feeling so Merry Mary right now is because desire is in the place where God's promise is. You can't celebrate the place you are in right now when you take purpose out of its chronological order. Put your purpose back in its rightful place. Yes, celebrate marriage, but don't focus more on it than the marital relationship with the One who has already captured your heart. Loneliness becomes an issue for many singles during the holiday season because they forgot to even celebrate the relationship that they are already in with Christ and fail to even celebrate and honor Him for His Birthday. They are so caught up in the fact that they are not in a relationship with a man, that the gift of God's Love that He's given to us is never opened up so that it can fill our longing and emptiness. I would invite you this Christmas to focus your heart back on Jesus, your first Love and the One you're already married to, and I promise you, it will be A Merry Marry Christmas!

Tis the Season To Be Jolly, Cheer Up, God Loves You!

Dr. Ty