Commit to Who He Is Now, Not Who You Hope He'll Become

Loving your man's potential more than you love who he is now is relationship sabotage. Beware. You may be despising the frog, while waiting on the prince who may never appear. Take a good hard look at the man in your life, or the one trying to find his way in. You don't have to have a relationship with him if the way he is not acceptable to you. But if you take him, take him because you can love him as he is today.

Don't deny or abandon your hopes for his positive personal development, or even future transformations in his life. "Change," "Improvement, " and "Progress" are not four letter words.

Do, however, recognize that change in another human beings is something you may influence, but something you cannot produce. Him changing is up to him.

Men (and every other variety of the human species) change and grow when they hunger for it, not when you (or anyone else) has that hunger for them. Ask and answer this crucial question: Can I, will I, love and live life with this man, if in all our tomorrows he stays exactly the way he is today?

Take a moment for an honest look inside. What do you really believe?

The Easy Lie: "I can love him enough to make him change."

OR

The Hard Truth: "I can love him enough that he feels free to choose to change."

The Easy Lie: "If I teach him a better way, he'll do it/say it/ it that way."

OR

The Hard Truth: "If I teach him a better way, he might not see it as better at all."

One of the paradoxes of real life is: Men are most willing to "become" when they feel accepted as they come.

Say it: "I have every right to want what I want and who I want. But I have neither the ability nor the need to change him. I can choose to accept what he is today-and I reserve the right to choose not to (and move on)."

Do it: Ask yourself: "Do I take responsibility to make those I love change? When did I start? What motivates me to do that? What will I do about it? Write it. Sign it. Do it.---Ronn Elmore