Banish The Bogeymen

Fears can bear a strong resemblance to that bogeyman under your bed that you used t worry about as a child-more shadow than substance, and more daunting for remaining unexamined. If you don't take positive steps to address them, fears can become a frequent or constant presence in your life and love.

Are you afraid of what's going to happen wit that big debt you and your partner have incurred? Do you worry about the health issues that you're observing in your parents and the potential ramifications might discover you're a phony in one way or another? All of these are real fears that may or may not be justified, but toting them around like an old backpack only gets you stressed and unhappy.

Before you can do anything constructive about a fear, you have to admit that it's there and give it a name. In the case of the unpaid debt, for example, are you afraid of losing everything and being ejected from house and home by debt collectors? Are you afraid of what the debt reveals about your or your partner's judgment or ability to provide? Perhaps you're afraid that others will find out that you don't have any financial substance. Giving your fear its true name is an essential step in getting beyond it.

Once you've seen the face of your bogeyman, it's possible to do something about it. In some cases, particularly when your fear has concrete sources, the next best step is to play out the possible scenarios and get further information. What are the bankruptcy laws in your state? Are there steps you can take now that will help you consolidate your debts? Suppose your friends find out. What do you honestly expect them to think or do? Do you really care about friends who would judge you for this.

Some fears have no real answers. Your father has a disease that has been shown to be hereditary in some cases. You fear that you may contract the disease, as well. Perhaps your fear can be allayed through more information, testing, or positive action. Facing the possibility of disability in the future with your partner and making contingency plans may help. In some cases, you may simply have to recognize that you don't know what will happen and choose to live fully and joyfully in the present.

There are frightening possibilities and uncertainties in every human life. We can live bondage to those fears, or we can face them, let them go, and make the most of every day that we're given.---Richard Carlson