Find Reasons to Say Thank You

When you love someone, you want that person to feel secure in your love and enjoy the peace that comes with that security. You you also want to know that you are appreciated, remembered, and understood. You want to hear "please" at the beginning of a request, and "thank you" in the wake of a kindness. Courtesy sends the message that you matter deeply to your mate. It is a way to demonstrate recognition that another person deserves your notice and respect.

Examine your current patterns and make adjustments. For starters, don't make it a habit to throw out the courtesies with the formalities. It's just as easy to relax when you remember to say please and thank you as when you don't. Taking on a mate means that you have two sets of sensibilities and requirements to keep in mind at all times. And part of keeping your mate in mind is demonstration that you love and care through your thoughtfulness.

Different people of different backgrounds and upbringings may interpret courtesy in a variety of ways. Part of respecting your mate involves learning and respecting the courtesies that are especially meaningful to that partner. You can certainly practice the good manners that you find important for yourself, but broaden your horizons to include those that your partner cares about, as well.

Most of all, actively seek out opportunities to show courtesy to your mate. Notice just how many ways, great and small, your mate looks our for your feelings and interests, mention them, and say thank you. It doesn't matter if what your mate is doing is part of the deal you've negotiated with one another. The choice to be faithful to the agreement is itself worthy of thanks.---Ricahard Carlson