Get A Life of Your Own-Don't Borrow His

You are a whole, complete, fully assembled human being. All of your parts work-or you've learned to live with the ones that don't! Neither the man you love nor your relationship with him, give you an identity. You already have one. It has your name on it.
A loving relationship with a man should never mean you give up your unique personality. Who you are (and how you are) are much too important to let that happen. It's nice if he know this; it's vital that you do. Loving him doesn't mean losing you.
Think about it. What we all want out of love is to be fully known (the good, the bad, and the ugly) and fully accepted. Careful. Don't seek the rewards of approval and miss the rewards of love. Refuse to say, do or even think anything that is motivated solely by approval-seeking.
Imagine the Queen of Sheba abandoning her vast kingdom, or Nefertiti giving up her regal bearinhg, Harriet Tubman disposing of her courage, or Mary McLeod Bethune hiding her brilliance. How about Maya Angelou putting down her pen. That's not love at all, it's suicide! The women who love men are daughters of these "she-roes." Who you are is too much to lose.

Never:

• lose touch with your own opinions, perspectives, and convictions. Declare them.


• hold your unique personality hostage. Display it.


• abandon your vision, goals, dreams. Pursue them.

Fear may tempt you to believe that unity and uniformity are synonymous. They are not. Uniformity is a unity counterfeit that requires one of you to forfeit your uniqueness in order to become acceptably similar to the other person.

Unity is the miracle of two very different individuals with dissimilar backgrounds, tastes, experiences, and personalities choosing to commune together. Two who not only accept their uniqueness, but celebrate it.

The man you love gains little when he has you, but not the things that make you, you. Love him enough to love yourself enough to be the best of who you are. Boldly offer your lover what you have already given a stamp of approval to-you.

Say it: "I am who I am. I don't have to be what I perceive he would approve of. That is a double-edged insult. Neither of us profits anything if I give up my life to gain his love."

Do it: Ask your most trusted and truthful sister-friends if they notice you being "less you" when you are with him, compared to when you are with them. Find out what parts of your speech, style, intellect, interest, or abilities have been safely locked away from his sight. Liberated them. If you've taken on his identity, or one he has fashioned for you-stop now. Return what you've borrowed of his. Get you life back!

Dr.Ronn Elmore

Demand Respect-Model Self Respect

Respect isn't like parking tickets or taxes-nobody can be made to pay it. Request respect from where you want it and remove yourself from where you don't get it. You can only do that when you already have your self-respect.

Respecting you is not the same as bowing down and in worship before you. To respect you is to acknowledge your significance as a human being of the female variety and in every way to treat you accordingly. Respect is due you simply because you are.

Before you demand respect from others, you'll do well to already possess an accurate appraisal of your own self-worth and constantly demonstrate how much you believe it. Self-respect means treating yourself like a class act and accepting no less then that from others. You do that by the dignified way you carry yourself, the confidence and discretion in your speech and manner, and the obvious finesse with which you move toward people who respect you, and away from those who don't.

Men give you respect in direct proportion to the level of respect you show for yourself. If you have much, he is likely to show much. If you have a little, he'll show you a little. If you have none, he'll certainly match it. You have the power to help him discover that if it walks like a lady, talks like a lady, looks and acts like a lady, it is one...and she must be treated, in all ways, like one.

Dr. Ronn Elmore

How To Be Attractive Christian Woman

The average Christian woman does her best to be as attractive as possible. Unfortunately, many Christian women are under tremendous pressure to conform to the world’s standard of attractive, rather than what God’s word says is appealing.
The Christian Woman and Media Culture
Christian women are exposed to a constant media barrage of what the “perfect woman ” is supposed to look like. The only problem is that the portrayal of what a woman should be is artificial and unattainable. Ironically, many Christian women seeking to find a husband understand this situation, yet also attempt to live up to this unrealistic expectation. You can imagine that the Christian woman caught up in this way of thinking often ends up battling low self-esteem and depression.
Certainly nothing in the Bible precludes a Christian woman from making herself as feminine and appealing as possible. The key is balancing this God given and positive desire with what He says true beauty is all about. In today’s Bible verse of the day, Peter tells us that a Christian woman’s true beauty and attractiveness comes from the heart:
Bible Verse of Day
“Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.”1 Peter 3:3
If you’re a single Christian woman hoping to marry a dedicated Christian man, remember he will be attracted more to your beautiful walk in the Lord, rather than your body. If he thinks otherwise, he’s simply not worth your time, nor the man of God the Lord is preparing for.

author unknown

Oral Sex Part II & Anal Sex

A friend of mine was sharing with me what the Lord showed her concerning this matter. However, what I'm about to share, you and your spouse must still go before God and seek what is pleasing to the Father.

"It's a unclean act. Think about it. You are engaging your mouth on the most dirtiest part of the body. Let's be real. For women, blood, good, bad bacteria, yeast, urine just to mention some excrete from our vagina. For the husband to put all that in his mouth is not clean. That is an unclean area. For men, urine bacteria, and bathroom germs are on his penis. And his semen is not food. Your body is God's temple. you are defiling it when perform these acts. You are defiling God's mouth piece. Waste comes out of there with 100s of bacteria. Think of it as this. Would u want your child performing those oral acts. Picture them in your head you daughter or son engaging oral sex on the most dirtiest part of the spouse body. You will be yelling and screaming at them. That's fifthly! Now imagine them coming over to kiss you, yeck! So imagine how God feels. After we perform oral sex and then later pray or worship God, whether it's home or church. Yes, it's a sacrifice however you must be willing to sacrifice that area to God. That's not the God's way, that's the way of the world. Now kissing all over the body is fine."

Again, pray and seek God. He'll show you when you are ready to receive. TRUST me readers, I fought this and was trying to find every loop hole and excuse. I enjoy it orally, however, the Lord is showing me more and more. Not saying I totally quit, but I know how God feels about it and taking it day by day to do better and free of the world's way.

While I'm on the subject, let's talk about anal sex! I'm going to share with you guys what the Lord said to me years ago....Just common sense, you are hurting the body but at the time I didn't get it. Your anal was not design for that. I personally experienced extreme pain when using the bathroom and I clearly remember what the Lord said to me in the bathroom, "that is not My will, you are interrupting the function of how your anal is suppose to work." I would be unable to use the bathroom for a week and when I did I was bleeding to and when I saw the blood the Lord spoke again and said, "do u see that? How is that acceptable in my eyes?" "You are abusing My temple." Needless to say, the Lord didn't have to tell me twice. It's a very painful act, but I did it because of FEAR from the world and what naysayers said, "some husbands have cheated on their wives because the wife didn't allow him to do it in her anal. Or husband will got to prostitute so they can have anal sex. I heard the stories how good looking wives were cheated on because they wouldn't do the act. So that was always a fear of mine that hubby will cheat. So I allowed him...well guess what...he cheated anyway, hahahhahaha! Can't please man, so please GOD!

Yours truly,

What Is Not Okay In Bed

If you are a GWC reader, this was posted several weeks ago.

“If both partners agree, is anything taboo?” “What about the use of vibrators?” “Is oral sex okay?” [These are just a few questions that Christian women asked about the sexual relationship in marriage from a survey that the authors conducted.] But at the heart of each of these questions were two concerns: What does God prohibit in the sexual relationship between a husband and wife, and what does God permit?
We read the Bible from Genesis to Revelation and compiled a list of every scriptural reference to sex. As we reviewed our list it became apparent that God gives tremendous sexual freedom within the marriage relationship. But God also sets forth some prohibitions that we must honor.
These are the ten things God forbids:

1. Fornication: Fornication is immoral sex. It comes from the Greek word porneia which means “unclean.” This broad term includes sexual intercourse outside of marriage (1 Corinthians 7:2, 1 Thessalonians 4:3), sleeping with your stepmother (1 Corinthians 5:1), sex with a prostitute (1 Corinthians 6:13, 1 Corinthians 6:15-16), and adultery (Matthew 5:32).

2. Adultery: Adultery, or sex with someone who is not your spouse, is a sin and was punishable in the Old Testament by death (Leviticus 21:10). In the New Testament, Jesus expanded adultery to mean not just physical acts, but emotional acts in the mind and heart (Matthew 5:28).

3. Homosexuality: The Bible is very clear that for a man to have sex with a man or woman to have sex with a woman is detestable to God (Leviticus 18:22; Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:27; 1 Corinthians 6:9).

4. Impurity: These are several Greek words which are translated as “impurity.” To become “impure” (in Greek, molvno) can mean to lose one’s virginity (Revelation 14:4), or to become defiled, due to living out a secular and essentially pagan lifestyle 1 Corinthians 6:9, 2 Corinthians 7:1). The Greek word rupos often refers to moral uncleanness in general (Revelation 22:11).

5. Orgies: For a married couple to become involved in sex orgies with different couples is an obvious violation of (1), (2), and (4) and needs no discussion.

6. Prostitution: Prostitution, which is paying for sex, is morally wrong and condemned throughout Scripture (Leviticus 19:29, Deuteronomy 23:17, Proverbs 7:4-27).

7. Lustful passions: First, let us tell you what this does not mean. Lustful passion does not refer to the powerful, God-given sexual desire a husband and wife have for one another. Instead, it refers to an unrestrained, indiscriminate sexual desire for men or women other than the person’s marriage partner (Mark 7:21-22, Ephesians 4:19).

8. Sodomy: In the Old Testament, sodomy refers to men lying with men. The English word means “Unnatural sexual intercourse, especially of one man with another or of a human being with an animal.” Unfortunately, some Christian teachers have erroneously equated sodomy with oral sex. In the Bible, sodomites refer to male homosexuals or temple prostitutes (both male and female). In contemporary usage, the term sodomy is sometimes used to describe anal intercourse between a man and woman. This is not the meaning of the biblical word.

9. Obscenity and coarse jokes: In Ephesians 4:29, Paul says, “Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth.” The Greek word for unwholesome is very descriptive and literally mans “rotten” or “decaying.” In Ephesians 5:4, the Bible warns us to avoid “silly talk” or, as it is called in some versions, “coarse jesting.” We have all been around people who can see a sexual connotation in some innocent phrase and then begin to snicker or laugh. This is wrong. However, this does not rule out appropriate sexual humor in the privacy of marriage, but rather inappropriate sexual comments in a public setting.

10. Incest: Incest, or sex with family members or relatives, is specifically forbidden in Scripture (Leviticus 18:7-18; Leviticus 20:11-21).
God leaves much in our sexual relationship with our husbands up to our discretion. In all likelihood, the questions tugging at the back of your mind were not even touched upon. When she read this list, Shelby commented: “It’s helpful to know what God says is wrong, but I still sometimes wonder if what my husband and I are doing is right. We have a great time together in bed, but every now and then, this nagging doubt comes—does God approve?”
To help you and all the Shelby’s, we will get more specific and address the questions we are constantly asked.

IS ORAL SEX PERMISSIBLE?
Clifford and Joyce Penner, in their excellent book The Gift of Sex, give this definition of oral sex: “Oral sex or oral stimulation is the stimulation of your partner’s genitals with your mouth, lips, and tongue. The man may stimulate the woman’s clitoris and the opening of the vagina with his tongue or the woman many pleasure the man’s penis with her mouth.” This sexual stimulation may or may not lead to orgasm for the husband and wife.
What does Scripture say about this sexual activity? Most theologians say the Scriptures are silent about oral-genital sex. Some believe two verses in the Song of Solomon may contain veiled references to oral sex. The first is Song of Solomon 2:3:
Like an apple tree among the trees of the forest,so is my beloved among the young men.In his shade I took great delight and sat down,and his fruit was sweet to my taste.
Throughout the Song of Solomon, the word fruit refers to the male genitals. In extra biblical literature, fruit is sometimes equated with the male genitals or with semen, so it is possible that here we have a faint and delicate reference to an oral genital caress.

The second possible veiled reference is found in Song of Solomon 4:16 (KJV):
Awake, O north wind; and come, thou south;blow upon my garden, that the spices thereof may flow out.Let my beloved come into his garden, and eat his pleasant fruits.
These erotic words spoken by Solomon’s bride are at the culmination of a very sensuous love scene. Shulamith asks her husband to blow on her garden (a poetic reference used throughout the Song for the vagina) and cause its spices to flow out. Of course one cannot be certain, but it is possible Shulamith is inviting her husband to excite her by caressing her with his mouth. She then invites him to enter her and feast on the pleasures waiting in her “garden.”
Dr. Douglas Rosenau believes Scripture is silent on the topic of oral sex. “This does not make it right or wrong,” he says. A key emphasis in the New Testament is Christian liberty. Nothing is unclean in itself, says Paul (Romans 14:14), and this presumably includes sexual variety. Lewis Smedes, professor of theology at Fuller Seminary, amplifies Paul’s statement abut nothing being unclean.
Christian liberty sets us free from culturally invented “moral” taboos; and since there is no rule from heaven, it is likely that the only restraint is the feeling of the other person. For example, if one partner has guilt feelings about oral sex play, the Christian response of the other will be to honor the partner until they adjust their feelings. On the other hand, if the partner has only aesthetic reservations, and if these are rooted in some fixed idea that sex is little more than a necessary evil anyway, they have an obligation to be taught, tenderly and lovingly, of the joys of sex in the freedom of Christ.
In Intended for Pleasure, Dr. and Mrs. Ed Wheat says that oral sex is a matter that concerns only the husband and wife involved. If both find it enjoyable and pleasant, then it may properly fit into the couple’s lovemaking practices. One goal of lovemaking is to fill a treasure trove of memories with delightful love experiences that will quicken your responses during your future times together.
One minister’s wife blushes happily as she recalls a memo her husband sent requesting her presence for an urgent “appointment.”
RUN DON’T WALK! YOU WON’T WANT TO MISS THIS EXCITING, DYNAMIC, RIPPING, SLEEP-DEFYING MEETING. Details follow: Would you like to have a meeting in the bathtub? (Loving massage and oral sex included.)
I love you,Your husband
One woman might feel horrified by the above playful interchange between a husband and wife. To her, oral sex is repulsive. Another may think the minister and his wife have a gloriously free, creative, and fun sexual relationship. She sees that oral sex adds a beautiful dimension to this couple’s lovemaking.
Before we go any further, let us clarify our intent in this chapter. Are we suggesting you incorporate oral sex into your love play? No. We are not making recommendations. Instead, our purpose is to set out for you what Scripture prohibits and to encourage you to seek God’s wisdom concerning His personal recommendations for your marriage.
Each couple is different. Each husband and wife is unique. Because Scripture is either silent —or veiled —concerning this practice, the only way to discover what God allows for you is for you to ask Him. If you’ve never talked to God about your sexual relationship, now is a good time to start. You will not shock God. Remember, sex was His idea. God is a God of wisdom (Daniel 2:20). He promises that when we lack wisdom, if we ask Him, He will give it to us (James 1:5).
As you seek God’s wisdom, you might find it helpful to ask these three questions about any sexual practice you and your husband are considering:

• Is it prohibited in Scripture? If not, we may assume it is permitted. “Everything is permissible for me,” (1 Corinthians 6:12).

• Is it beneficial? Does the practice in any way harm the husband or wife or hinder the sexual relationship? If so, it should be rejected. “Everything is permissible for me—but not everything is beneficial.” (1 Corinthians 6:12).

• Does it involve anyone else? Sexual activity is sanctioned by God for husband and wife only. If a sexual practice involves someone else or becomes public, it is wrong based on Hebrews 13:4, which warns us to keep the marriage bed undefiled.

http://www.marriagemissions.com/

Are Vibrators Permissible?

Some couples enjoy incorporating the use of sexual aids such as vibrators into their lovemaking. To find out if the use of vibrator is right or wrong, let’s apply the three questions. Is the use of a vibrator prohibited by Scripture? Is a vibrator beneficial in lovemaking? Does the use of a vibrator involve anyone else?

As we look at the list of ten prohibitions, we see that there is no scriptural reference that would prohibit the use of a vibrator. So if a vibrator enhances a couple’s lovemaking and is used exclusively for the couple’s private enjoyment, then it is permitted. Does this mean we are suggesting you run out and buy a vibrator? No. Again, we are not recommending any sexual practice. We are only trying to help you discern what is best in your marriage as you seek the wisdom of God.

WHAT ABOUT X-RATED VIDEOS?

Obviously videos did not exist during biblical times, so we will not find “Thou shalt not watch X-rated videos” in Scriptures. (The same is true for vibrators.) But as we read through the list of the ten prohibitions, a red flag is raised. In number two on the list, adultery is defined as “looking on a woman to lust” whether the woman (or man) is on a video, in a picture, or in the living flesh. Secondly, number four on the list describes impurity as “moral uncleanness.” X-rated would qualify as “morally unclean,” thereby making them something God would disdain.

Now let’s apply the questions:
• Are X-rated videos prohibited by Scripture? Yes, based on (2) and (4).
• Are X-rated videos beneficial? Anything that promotes “moral uncleanness” is not beneficial.
• Do X-rated videos involve someone else? Yes. You bring the man or woman on the video into your lovemaking.

Based on these answers, we could conclude that God wants us to stay away from X-rated videos.
We have considered three “gray areas,” oral sex, vibrators, and X-rated videos. There are many others. We encourage you and your husband to prayerfully seek God’s wisdom, study the list of ten prohibitions, and use the three questions to help you discern what to do in your specific situation.
As Christians we are simultaneously free and responsible. We are responsible to seek the best of the one we love, to think more highly of him and his desires than our own (Philippians 2:3-4). But we are also free to explore new territories of sexual delight.
According to Dr. Lewis Smedes, “The Christian word on trying out a sexual practice that is not prohibited in Scripture is ‘Try it. If you like it, it is morally good for you. And it may well be that in providing new delight to each other; you will be adventuring into deeper experiences of love.’”
God has given you great freedom in your sexual relationship with your husband. Remember His words to Solomon and Shulamith: “Eat, friends; drink and imbibe deeply, O lovers” (Song of Solomon 5:1).

http://www.marriagemissions.com/

When it comes to vibrators or anything, seek and ask God. My only personal problem with this was what and how I had to get sexual devices for my husband and I. My eyes were exposed to a lot of porn and even certain sex boutiques were totally inappropriate. Next thing you know, your curiosity is sparked up and now you could be introducing unclean/ungodly things in your bedroom. So again, seek and ask God. Somethings don't work for everybody. Love you guys!

MEN: The First Year Of Marriage Is The Most Important!

Some men act as though their work is done the moment their bride says “I do.” It’s almost as though, on their wedding day, they take their to-do list and put a check mark next to “find a wife.” Then after the honeymoon, it’s back to work — and back to that to-do list—with many more battles to win and more check marks to make.
Perhaps the most interesting part of this phenomenon in men is that, at the same moment they’re feeling a sense of finality about their wedding day accomplishment, their brides are seeing it as just a beginning.

Choosing Not to Choose

An important single foundational assumption: Your marriage and your life are going to be a hundred times more satisfying, more resilient, and more prosperous if you intentionally develop the right habits in the first year—when the investment is fairly “inexpensive.”
If you undervalue this first year and develop bad habits, a solid marriage will be much more expensive to recover later on—or these habits may eventually destroy your marriage.

Time-Tested Principles

As you and I explore this first-year investment strategy, I want to unveil a treasure that is thousands of years old. Listen to this amazing piece of advice, tucked in the Old Testament between instructions on divorce and directions for the proper use of millstones when making a loan agreement (no kidding):
If a man has recently married, he must not be sent to war or have any other duty laid on him. For one year he is to be free to stay at home and bring happiness to the wife he has married. (Deuteronomy 24:5)
Although the prospects of such a thing may sound hilarious or outrageous to you, there are some interesting investment principles buried here that you’ll want to take seriously.

The Challenge Principle —”For one year”

Most guys love a contest. We gravitate toward the competitive. Well, here’s a huge challenge: If you want to have a great marriage, don’t do anything for a whole year except learn to love your wife.
I’m pretty sure I know what you’re thinking, “C’mon, be reasonable. I’ve got work to do. If I were to take a whole year off, I’d be fired from my job—and that wouldn’t be good for either of us.”
Don’t worry. I’m not advocating unemployment—just intentionality. Your job in your first year of marriage is to become an expert on one woman—your wife—and to learn, better than anyone else in the world, how to “bring her happiness.” And the Old Testament advice is to take one year, ONE WHOLE YEAR. A weekend seminar or a great book about marriage will not be enough—not even the standard five session premarital counseling commitment. There’s no other way to say it: It’s a big investment!

The Reciprocity Principle—”bring happiness to the wife he has married”

Chalk it off to our humanness, but most of us have this backwards. We’re eager for our wives to find ways to make us happy.
Early in our marriage my wife, Bobbie, said it to me this way: “I just want to know that, even though you’re busy, once in a while you stop and think about me.”
Okay, you might be thinking, but what should my wife do for me? That’s a fair question, but the answer is sobering. This Old Testament admonition says absolutely nothing about your wife’s job. She’s given no direction at all. But this is where the reciprocity part comes in. When you make her happiness your priority, your wife finds herself compelled to make you happy.
Doing everything you can do during this first year to make your wife happy is not just an unselfish act of martyrdom. Having a contented wife will make an immense difference in your own happiness.
The book of Proverbs affirms this idea with a touch of humor—in fact, these exact words appear twice in Proverbs: “Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife.”
Though it’s not always the case, unhappy, nagging, contentious, quarrelsome wives are often marred to overly busy, non-responsive, preoccupied, self-absorbed husbands. And, by trial and error, these wives have learned that the only way to get their husbands’ attention is to do something annoying.
Your challenge is to choose to pay more attention to your wife during this first year than you do to your neighbor’s new car or to the NCAA Final Four on television. And when you make this investment during the first year, your marriage will be far more satisfying for the rest of your life. It will be worth millions.
Decide to make the next twelve months the most important year of your life.
http://www.marriagemissions.com/category/newlyweds/

Never Compromise on Your Principles-Do Compromise on Your Practices

When you too easily abandon your own principles, you lack integrity. When you refuse to compromise on the way you practice your principles, you lack flexibility. Both lack of integrity and lack of flexibility work against a loving relationship.
Your principles are the morals and values that guide and govern your life. They are not so much about what you do, or how you do things. The are, very simply, about what you believe is right and wrong. They are your personal "nonnegotiable" for which you cannot sit down, shut up, or back off. For them you must take courage and stand your ground.
Your principles are as much representative of who you are as your fingerprints, you DNA, and your image in the mirror. When you compromise them you play the role of a person who has a different set of values than yours. It's an acting job for which you win no Oscar and receive no pay in a dram that never has a happy ending.

Flexibility, negotiation, and compromise are at the heart of loving relationships. Without them no real common ground can ever be established. An unwillingness to compromise on your practices, the way you do a thing in light of your principles, is rigid inflexibility. Actually, there are a million ways to do a thing right. n loving someone you must willingly and frequently employ negotiation and compromise to find common ground and make corporate decisions with your partner. It is the only way two very different human beings can live lovingly together.

Finding a way to compromise on how you put your principles into practice requires creativity, humility, and unwavering appreciation for each other's values. To allow for alteration of the way you do a thing is not only possible, it's crucial. It speaks highly of your commitment to join in making life choices that will work for the both of you, without violating the principles of either of you.

You must keep a tight focus on the principles that define who you are, and what you hold to be right. That's the integrity part of yourself. Since there is more than one way to do anything, you must remain open to compromising your way for the two of you to discover the way of the relationship.
Dr. Ronn Elmore

Don't Make Him/Her Pay for How Other's Have Hurt You

It is absolutely impossible to love another human being without trusting him/her for something. Trust is woven into the very fabric of love.
Trust is counting on another's consistent willingness and ability to provide you the necessities that you treasure (support, respect, security, mutual affection, fairness, devotion). In the past, the one (s) you loved and trusted may not have given you that treasure, or they may have offered you some miserable substitute for it (such as rejection instead of support, abuse instead of respect, abandonment instead of concern). That is how you learned the gritty taste of pain in all its bitter flavors: disappointment, betrayal, victimization.

If you've ever loved deeply, you've trusted deeply. And, you're likely to have hurt deeply too. Old hurts can leave a constant, dull ache that perhaps you've "just learned to live with."

Examine yourself carefully. Are you:

• Suspicious?
• Jealous?
• Pretending?
• Hiding?
• Isolating?
• Withdrawing?

Is this the kind of treatment due the man/woman in your life now? Or is he/she being punished for the sins of another? Hold them accountable for how he/she is, not how someone else was.

Say it: "I have loved, trusted, and hurt. All of these are my emotions. I own them. I can recover and even grow from my hurt. I will not deny, justify, or defend punishing my partner for how others have hurt me in the past."

Do it: Apologize. Make amends, with no requirements on what kind of response he/she must give.

Dr. Ronn Elmore

Overcoming Jealousy

Jealousy is one of the most destructive and painful emotions in a dating relationship or marriage. A jealous dater can think and do some wacky things he or she would not normally think of doing. That’s why overcoming jealousy when it crops up is so important.
Among Christian single couples, jealousy affects both traditional dating and courtship love relationships.

Just what does it mean to be jealous? Webster’s Dictionary rightly defines jealousy as a “fearfulness or wariness of being replaced by a rival.” In a dating or romantic relationship, this means the jealous girlfriend or jealous guy suspects there is a rival for the affection or attention of their partner. The object of the dater’s jealousy could be an ex-boyfriend or girlfriend, (the most frequent complaint) or some other thing such as the person’s children, job or even the family dog. (Don’t laugh about the dog, I once had a Family Court case related to this issue)
The problem with jealousy is that there are several kinds, which can get a little confusing. For example, there is God’s jealousy (Exodus 20:5), which is always holy, just, and desirous of others’ wellbeing.

Then there is human jealousy, which often ends with disasterous results. Solomon writes of this kind in Song of Songs: “Jealousy is as cruel as the grave” (Sgs 8:6).
As sinners, we all need to learn how to cope with the human kind of jealousy, whether we experience it in our own hearts, or have others being jealous of us.

Most singles are able to control acting out their jealous impulses. However for others, overcoming jealousy is almost impossible without God’s help. This form of jealousy is pathological, and could lead to the crimes of passion we often read about in the newspapers, or see in movies.

As a single Christian seeking true love in a relationship, it’s very important for your own dating safety to know some “red flag” signs of a pathologically jealous person.

Red Flags of Jealousy Out of Control
-The dating or courtship partner continually accuses the other of being unfaithful when there is no basis for him or her to think this way.
-The jealous person checks phone bills, emails or the cell phone directory to check the partner’s records of communication. They may even forbid their romantic partner to speak with certain members of the opposite sex.
-The jealous dating partner forbids (ie: orders) the other single dater to wear certain things in public.
-The person with jealousy issues may go through the personal belongings of the other party looking for “evidence” of unfaithfulness
-The person with out-of-control jealousy may follow, or have one of their friends follow the other person to make sure they are being faithful. In extreme cases they may even ‘bug” the home using electronic equipment.
-The jealous party will keep tabs on their date by calling them constantly throughout the day. -They may give an excuse (”I just missed you”) as to why they are calling so frequently, but in fact are distrustful of them.
-The jealous person may want to be with the other person 24/7, and if the other single resists, there may be a physcial or emotional outburst.
-The jealous dating partner forces the other to give account of all their free time away from them.
-The person with pathological jealousy may threaten to do physical harm to themselves or to their dating partner.

If you are a single Christian in any kind dating relationship where one or more of the above jealousy red flags exist, we recommend:
-Lovingly communicating to your friend that they need professional help.
-Consider getting out of the relationship as soon as you can to ensure your own safety. While you may be tempted to stay in an effort to change them, or because the jealous partner may make an emotional promise of change, please don’t give in.

Overcoming Jealousy
Overcoming jealousy will be easier if you understand its origin. Ask yourself: “Do my feelings have a basis in fact (the behavior of the dating partner), or are they coming from my own insecurity?”
If there is actually something the other party is doing that is inciting you to be jealous, have a heart to heart discussion with them. Often, an honest exchange of feelings will solve the problem.
Understand that your jealous behavior may actually drive away your date, the very thing you feared might happen.
http://christian-dating-service-plus.com/blog/

5 Keys to Attracting the Right Man or Woman to Date

There are several practical steps we can take in order to attract the right kind of man or woman to date.

Seek the Lord in Prayer
Yeah, I know we heard this all before, but really, God will hear your prayers, and provide for all of your needs (Phil. 4:19). I know some single Christians are frustrated because they have been praying for a mate, and nothing tangible has been happening. But please don’t give up hope for that special man or woman to date.
The Scriptures state that at just the right time God sent forth His son to save us. (Gal. 4:4). So, if God the Father gave us Jesus, will he not graciously give us all things? (Romans 8:32). The answer to that question is a resounding YES! In the meantime, wait on God, and learn to have contentment as a single person.

Love (Accept) Yourself
Jesus told us to love others as we love ourselves. The bottom line is we can’t love others the way God wants (including your our date or mate) until we love ourselves.
Loving yourself has little to do with self-esteem, but all to do with “God-esteem.” What do I mean by that? It means looking at yourself the way God sees you. He says you were wonderfully and fearfully made (Psalms 139), and He thought well of enough of you to die for your sins while you were still a sinner (Romans 5:8).
So here’s my question for you? Can you love and accept yourself as God loves and accepts you, warts and all? If you do, this is a very attractive quality to the opposite sex. If you can’t accept yourself, potential dates will most likely be turned off as well.

Be the Real You
This means letting others see the real you, not the man or woman you think they want you to be. The reason you should just be yourself is that you want your date to want you just for being you. That way there’s no pressure to keep putting on an act. By the way, keep this in mind if you are writing an online dating profile. Remember, changing yourself to meet your date’s or mate’s criteria is not only stressful and dishonest, but it’s also a surefire way to doom a relationship.

Set Level Expectations
It’s good to make a list (with the help of family and friends who know you best) of the qualities you are looking for in a man or woman date, but just be realistic. I know many Christian singles who have remained single and lonely because they could never find anyone “good enough” for them. Do you get the picture?

Don’t Be Afraid of Rejection and Failure
The God you and I serve calls us to take faith-filled risks. Don’t allow fears to rule over your life. Trust Him to guide you in this area of your life, because you will never meet the right man or woman to date unless you take a chance by becoming vulnerable. Remember that most people, whether they are on a blind date or in a courtship relationship, have faced rejection at one time or another. The key is to trust God with your fears.

http://christian-dating-service-plus.com/blog/

How A Man's Friends Can Make Or Break His Marriage

Life is one series of choices after the next. We all have within ourselves the free will to make choices that are good for what we want out of life and we have the free will to make choices that can hurt what we want out of life.
If we determine that we want our marriage to be one of partnership and to be the best it can be, we have to make the choices that will help that to happen. And when it comes to how we handle our friendships, the same “rule” applies.

“Each of us has a choice to make in terms of what we expect out of our friendships with others. You see, some may be content with just hanging out with the boys after a game. It’s fine just throwing the ball around, getting dirty, having some laughs, and then going home. For many that’s enough; that’s what friendship is. But if you want something more for your life, you have to go after it. You need to find people who are looking for the same.” (Dave Currie with Glen Hoos)

It’s true what the Bible says in 1 Corinthians 15:33:

“Do not be misled: ‘Bad company corrupts good character.’ Come back to your senses as you ought, and stop sinning: for there are some who are ignorant of God — I say this to your shame.”
You can’t play with “fire” in going places and doing things with friends that can hurt your marriage and not expect for it to “burn” your marriage so it is severely damaged. If you have friendships that hurt your marriage, then you need to pull back from them, as difficult as that may seem. It’s the same principle as “cutting off the hand that causes you to sin.”

One is a temporary hurt, and yet it eventually leads to a better end; and one leads to having you continually hurt your marriage which can cause it to break under the pressure.
Years ago I had a friend that enjoyed smoking. And that was fine for that friend. But when she kept trying to get me to smoke, and I determined in my mind that I didn’t want to end up a smoker, I had a choice to make. I could either keep up my friendship with this person and eventually become a smoker (because she wouldn’t stop pushing the cigarettes at me and I knew I would eventually give in to appease her) or I would cut off our friendship and find another friend.

As difficult as it was to cut off the friendship, I’m now glad I made that choice (especially as I see other friends who are struggling to try to quit smoking).
If you have a friendship that is hurting your marriage, you have a choice to make. Is this friendship more important to you than your spouse and is the vow you made when you married less important than your friendship, or what?

Sometimes we have friendships that are good for us “for a season” but then it’s time to move on from there because they just aren’t working anymore. A friendship is different than a marriage. With a marriage, you entered into covenant with your spouse and also with God. To leave that marriage for the sake of an outside friendship (no matter how strong the friendship bond was at one time), you are breaking a solemn vow. You need to realize that.

author unknown

God's Handmaidens

For single men and women

Some of you do not understand the benefits of being single. In reality, while you're not married, you really out to be involved with God. Single women often forget some very important advantages they have. At five o'clock in the morning you can lie in bed and pray in the spirit until seven-thirty. You can lie prostrate on the floor and worship the Lord without having to answer to anyone. This time in your life is for you to charge up the battery cells. It's time to pamper-time to take luxurious baths in milk and honey. You can lie there in the bath , praising and worshiping the Lord for as long as you want.

Before you ask the Lord for another man, take care of Him. If you are not ministering to His needs, and yet you are always before Him asking Him to send you one of His princes to minister to, your prayers are not being heard because you are not being faithful to Him. When you become faithful in your singleness, then you will be better prepared to be faithful with a husband.

If you disregard the perfect husband, Jesus, you will certainly disregard the rest of us. The Lord wants you to come home at the end of a day and say, "Lord, I went through so much today. I am so glad You're here. I just couldn't wait to get alone and worship You and praise You and magnify You. Tonight is our night. I'm not so busy that I don't have time for You." If you don't have time for God, you don't have time for a husband.

There is nothing wrong with wanting to be married. Simply take care of the Lord while you're waiting. Minister to Him. Let Him heal you and loose you, and worship Him. Single women ought to be the most consecrated women in the church. you are the ones whose shadows ought to fall on people and they be healed. You are in a position and posture of prayer. The Lord has become your necessary food. While some married women are dependent on their husbands, single women learn to be dependent on the Lord. God told Joel, "...and on My maidservants I will pour out My Spirit" (Joel 2:29).

There is a special relationship between God and the single believer. God has a special anointing for the woman who is free to seek Him. Her prayer life should explode in miracles!

T.D.Jakes

Dating A Married Man

Are you dating a married man, or just tempted to? And while wer’re on the subject, do you even know the signs you’re dating a married man? Tessa, a single Christian woman who was dating a married man, and lived to tell the whole sad story:

I found your web site while searching for healing. I fell in love with a man I knew (and previously dated) in high school. I had broken up with him 25 yrs ago b/c he cheated on me (I could never prove it, but I knew in my heart) and lied a lot. So….I run into him 25 yrs later…he and I were going through (supposedly) the exact same life situation…bad marriage on the verge of divorce, unsympathetic spouse, pain, loneliness, etc. The only difference was his marriage was totally done (they had the talk, agreed on the date…as soon as she had finished her last college degree) and mine was not.

Dating this married guy started as him emailing and calling as ‘a dear old friend.’ He would tell me how much he prayed…how much he had changed. I was smitten. I believed in him 100% b/c I was desperate for the attention and the romance. I compromised everything I believed in. My marriage almost ended. Our two children were a mess, as I was in ‘heaven’ with this guy occupying almost every thought (can you say idolatry?). Things started to self destruct when that ‘odd feeling’ in my gut told me that he was a liar (like he used to be).
The date of his impending divorce came and went, and he started to get very snippy and defensive if I even so much as inquired about his wife or his divorce. The more I started to inquire, the more he started to back-track. He ended up totally throwing me under the bus. If my husband would have left me, I would now be living alone…probably without my children.

Like one other women said to me, trust your gut…ask the questions…if a guy gets ticked off, then he’s not the one (he’s also probably a liar and/or a narcissist).
If a guy really is Christian, he would not lead you to commit adultery, nor justify why he does it. There is NO justifying it. And if he’s doing it with you, he’ll do it TO you. I found out in my quest for answers that this guy has a problem with pornography, has girlfriends in at least 3 states, and is looking for more (and is STILL married). And yes, his wife knows about me. I doubt their marriage will survive, but that’s up to them (and God).

I know much of this is my own fault. I erroneously thought that somehow I was helping to lead this guy to the Lord, when in fact, he was leading me into the pit of hell. On the other hand, I am so BLESSED that my husband decided to stick in there with me. We are rebuilding our marriage and it is better than ever. For people who say that when the feeling is gone, your marriage is over, I say NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE WITH GOD. That is a lie society has told us.

And for any of you contemplating any kind of relationship of any kind with a married man, I tell you this: RUN!! That is God’s word to “…run from sexual sin.” The reason is b/c it will tear your heart and soul to pieces. Also know that God gives us His Word to protect us, not for some twisted type of control used to keep us from really enjoying life as satan would have us believe. It is not o.k. for you to be friends either. That’s how it all starts….small compromises.

We all know that there are two paths in this world–the one of light and the one of darkness. There is no middle ground. Satan likes to convince us otherwise. Read your Bible people…it’s the best weapon against ‘the great deceiver’. And PRAY PRAY PRAY. Tell the guy to look you up if and when he actually does get a divorce (and I don’t just mean filing the papers). If it’s so ‘inevitable’ and ‘upcoming’, it shouldn’t take long. Even then, I would be extremely cautious. Make sure the guy’s lines (and actions) match up with scripture….that’s the real test.

Finally, what’s so bad being by yourself? Enjoy your “single hood”. You’re better off that way…and remember to “Seek first His Kingdom, and you will be given the desires of your heart.” That’s actually how I met my husband :). I finally had given up on dating…on finding a man myself. I gave it to God, and took a chance on a very nice man who wasn’t the “charmer” or the “bad boy” I usually dated (and was thinking I was missing out on something later on). But guess what? His heart makes him more and more attractive to me every day, and here is a man who would stay by me through anything….even adultery, and even though it took everything he had to stay. God bless him for that (I know He will!).

And praise be to God for delivering me from that horrible, deceitful situation and mindset, and for giving me another chance.

Thanks Tessa for sharing!

http://christian-dating-service-plus.com/blog/

What Every Husband Should Know About His Wife

A wife’s most basic needs in marriage are:
(1) to be cherished,
(2) to be known and
(3) to be respected.

She Needs to be Cherished
“Lisa has everything she could possibly need. She doesn’t have to work, she buys lots of clothes, we live in a great place, we take wonderful vacations, I’m faithful—but she’s miserable.” Doug shook his head and said, “I just don’t get it.”
We talked a bit more about his seven-year marriage and how he tried to express his love for Lisa. “I’m not the talkative type, Doc,” he said. “I show my love by providing the very best I can for her.” This poor husband didn’t realize that his love-starved wife would have traded all the clothes and vacations in the world for a little tenderness from him.

Without meaning to, a husband can completely miss one of his wife’s most important needs: to be cherished. This need is too often overlooked by husbands because we don’t feel the need for it as deeply as women do. But that doesn’t discount its validity. Your wife needs to be cherished.
She needs to know she is number one in your life. If it came down to an evening with your buddies or a night with your wife, she needs to know you would choose her—not because you have to, but because you want to.

What can you do to cherish your wife?

Consider how often you say, “I love you.”
Some men don’t feel the need to say it with words, but every wife has an insatiable need to hear it. Your wife also needs evidence that you are thinking about her during your day. A small gift or a quick phone call to say, “You are on my mind,” can mean the world to her.
As a man, you probably have no idea of the effect you can have on your wife by being gentle and tender, making her feel cared for.
…Does cherishing your wife mean sacrificing golf games, success at work, or nights out with the boys? Believe it or not, the answer is no. When your wife is satisfied in knowing that she takes first place in your life, when she knows she is the most important thing in the world to you, she will encourage you to do the things you enjoy. It is part of the mystery of marriage: When a woman is truly, genuinely cherished, she feels free to encourage her husband’s independence.
“To love and to cherish” is more than a phrase from your wedding vows. It is one of the most important needs your wife will ever have. By meeting it, you are sure to build a partnership that brings you both pleasure…

• She Needs to be Known
To meet your wife’s important need to be known, you need to actively listen to her, reflecting back to her what she is saying and feeling, and genuinely wanting to understand her. This point cannot be overemphasized: Women need to have their feelings validated and accepted. They need to have you see and experience the world the way they do, instead of explaining to them why they shouldn't’t see it that way.
Men have a tough time realizing that offering a listening ear is all a woman needs at times —or a comforting hug, a loving statement like “You are hurting, aren’t you?” or “You are under a lot of pressure, aren’t you?” Listening to your wife talk without offering quick solutions is the only way to meet her need to be known.

• She Needs to be Respected
Men are usually quite unaware of how much women need to be respected. Why? Because when men are not respected they react very differently. A man who doesn’t feel respected, for example, is apt to become self-righteous and indignant. He feels even more worthy of respect when others don’t respect him. He may even give less until he gets what he feels he deserves.
Women operate differently—when they are not respected they feel insecure and lose their sense of self. That is why it is so vital for you to take special care of your partner’s need for respect.
There are a number of ways to show respect to your wife. To begin with, do not try to change or manipulate her, but rather, honor her needs, wishes, values, and rights.

Respecting your wife also mean including her in decisions. I have known men who will make decisions about relocating to a new job in another part of the country without even consulting their wives. I don’t know of a quicker way to tear down a woman’s sense of self and ruin the possibility of a happy marriage.

Build your wife’s self-esteem and sense of security by asking for her input whenever you can, even on the small things. When you make a decision that might affect her, say: “I’m thinking about.What do you think of that?” or “I’m thinking we should.What would you like?”
Respect says, “I support you, you are valuable to me, and you don’t have to be any different from who you are.” In return for this respect a woman will be able to relax. She will not have a compulsive need to prove herself as an equal, but will automatically feel and be equal. What a wonderful way to live with a woman.
author unknown

Christian Men Who Make Stupid Dating Mistakes

Written by a guy.

Many Christian men, myself included, have made dating mistakes. But yo, Christian Men! Can we talk? A lot of you Christian Men out there keep making the same stupid dating mistakes. In fact, I’m really tired of single Christian men whining about not being able to meet any nice girls, when it’s their own goofs that are driving away the promising possibilities.
Our simple piece of dating advice is that many Christian men can avoid making dating mistakes in the future by simply learning what they are, and taking appropriate steps to sincerely change.
Christian Men Dating Mistakes to Avoid

Christian Men Mistake: Being Out Of Touch With Her Needs
Every woman has heart needs. Not understanding or caring about what Christan Girls Want in a Guy means you’re probably in the group of whiners we already spoke about. All I’ll say is: If you don’t know your playbook, how can you play?

Christian Men Mistake: Failing to Communicate Your True Feelings
Many guys, including Christian men, have a difficult time expressing their feeling. This happens for a variety of reasons. Some Christian men suffer from low self-esteem so their fears of rejection hold them from sharing their heart with a woman. Other Christian men never learned how to converse with the opposite sex.

Christian Men Mistake: Acting Too Meek and Needy
Can anybody say milquetoast? A whole lot of Christian men make this boo boo by over exaggerating their sense of Christian meekness in order to win a girl’s heart. Yeah, girls love sensitive guys, but not weasels who pander to their every whim as an over pleasing “yes man.”
By the way, the Biblical meaning of meekness actually means “controlled power”, the exact quality women find irresistible. For better or worse, most women are attracted to men who are perceived as being powerful. Ever wondered why a lot of good girls date bad guys? It’s connected to this phenomenon. Christian men, do you think you can strike a balance here somewhere?

Christian Men Mistake: Yacking About The Ex
My brother did this last week while we were having dinner with his new girlfriend. I tried to kick his leg under the table, but I missed. Bottom line: Nothing soaks the kindling flames of a budding romance more. Too much talk about the ex, and she may think you’re taking her as a rebound relationship.

Author unknown

Love Shy Singles: How To Overcome Shyness

Are you one of those love-shy single who doesn’t date because you’re timid? Wish you knew how to overcome shyness? If you do, don’t be bashful about it because you’re in good company. According to Dr. Phillip Zimbardo, a Stanford psychologist, nearly 40% of singles are shy about asking someone out on a date.
A single person who is shy is often anxious (some have even been diagnosed with Social Anxiety Disorder) or uneasy around the opposite sex and dating situations. Many shy singles wrongly get tabbed as being “stuck up” or weird, when in fact they are simply lacking in self-confidence and uncertain how to communicate their feelings.

Many feel a love-shy single’s self-consciousness over finding a date stems from being afraid of rejection, which sadly is one of the fears that keep women and men single.
If you are a love-shy single Christian who has struggled with timidity in dating relationships, the following tips may help you conquer and overcome being shy:

Tips on Overcoming Shyness

Address the Origin
Understanding why someone is shy makes it easier to treat and heal, both clinically and spiritually. Although some psychologists feel shyness has genetic and environmental causes, many singles can trace their bashfulness to one or more embarrassing incidents that utterly ruined their self worth.
Think about your own past. Were you a shy boy? A shy girl? A shy teen? Was there anything that happened in your childhood that made you withdraw? Talking about these experiences with a qualified Christian counselor and/or understanding pastor can foster healing.

Imitate How Others Do It
Take note of how other singles communicate with the opposite sex. How do they introduce themselves? What topics do they discuss? What kind of body language is going on? Knowing how to have good conversation starter skills can help a love-shy person break the ice.

Enjoy Mixed Company
A low pressure way for a shy person to meet other single men and women is by joining clubs where people have a shared common interest, such as sporting activities, reading clubs, christian singles groups, etc. In this type of environment, dating relationships can occur naturally.

Remember It’s Not About You
Understand that shyness is, ultimately, a whacky form of self-centeredness. Instead of keeping your eyes on yourself, worrying what other people are thinking, practice taking a proactive interest in them: Seek out what they think, how they feel, how you can make them feel comfortable and relaxed.
It may be difficult for a shy person at first, so if you need to, pray for boldness in this area. If you do this, you will see your social skills improving, and find it much easier to converse with and meet others.
When we take our eyes off of ourselves, we can do amazing things with God’s help. Remember, Peter walked on water as long as his eyes were not on his own fears.

What Christian Single Girls Want

Again, this is written by the same guy.

What do Christian single girls look for in a single Christian guy when contemplating a soul mate or marriage partner? This question always seems to percolate in any singles groups I have ever attended or led. We found some online surveys about Christian single girls (ages 18-70) you may find quite interesting.
Okay guys, so you’re no babe magnet? Don’t worry about it because the good news here is that single Christian girls of all ages appear to put physical attraction behind four other qualities that you may have. If you don’t have any of these, you may want to consider becoming a eunuch.

Top Dating Qualities Christian Girls Want

Here are the top five qualities single Christian girls look for in a Christian single guy:

1. Christian single women want a guy who is passionate about his Lord. Nothing is more attractive to a single Christian girl than a guy who is in love with Jesus, and passionate about following Him. A guy sold out for Jesus lets the single Christian girl know that he is not afraid of big commitments as in, ahem…marriage. I can’t believe I just wrote the “M” word.

2. Christian single girls put a high value on a guy who can honestly share feelings. She wants to be able to trust that her potential husband is a man of his word, and faithful to her. It also doesn’t hurt that he is not afraid to cry while watching sad movies. Look, most of us have been burned by fakers and liars, and it hurts big time. For some of you guys who do have a problem in this area, I suggest listening to that old Billy Joel tune, Honesty, and doing a Bible word study on the word.

3. Christian single girls are attracted to a guy with a good sense of humor. Life has lots of bumps in the road, and a sense of humor will help her keep perspective on what is really important (Col. 3:1) when the going gets tough. Plus, these kind of folks are just fun to be around.

4. Single Christian girls are looking for a guy who can provide a stable environment. Translation: A single woman finds a man appealing who has a steady job and loving relationships with his immediate family members. This shows the single Christian girl that the guy is dependable, consistent and able to provide for a family. This issue of provision is extremely important for a any single woman looking for a mate. Look, we’re not talking Donald Trump here, okay? As my one Christian single girlfriend says, “If he has an operating driver’s license and a job, that’s good enough for me.”

5. Coming in at fifth place is the issue of physical attractiveness. Christian single girls relay that it’s important (but not most important) that they be somewhat physically attracted to the man they marry. In other words, when a single Christian girl looks upon you, she should find “something” appealing about you physically. You may not be a Brad Pitt, but you almost certainly have at least one feature that is above average in appearance.

Well, guys, there you have it.

What Christian Guys Needs In A Wife

This is written by a guy.

I totally disagree with his order of what a man needs..I believe he is if not a baby Christian, then a teenager Christian. Majority of the men I know (good ones) want a Godly supportive wife, basically a Proverbs 31 woman THEN sex.....so I feel you guys with the order.

Most Christian single guys are familiar with the proverb: “Whoever finds a wife finds a good thing.” Amen! In fact, this is a main reason why many single Christian guys seek out online Christian Dating Services. Since the beginning of time, it’s been a good deal for a single man to have a wife. Remember, in Genesis the Lord said, “It’s not good for man to be alone. I will make him a suitable helpmate.” So when the average single Christian guy starts praying for a “suitable helpmate”, what are the top 3 qualities he actually needs?

Christian Guys’ Helpmate/Wife

I know I’m going to get in trouble in some circles for saying this, but the first thing a Christian guy needs in a wife is sex. Lots of sex. Why? Without sex two people cannot become one flesh. God created sex as a wonderful form of intimate communication for procreation and pleasure. He also put an intense desire in man to want to often make love to his wife. He thinks about it frequently, and may even write songs about it (see Song of Solomon). Ladies, the man who tells you he does not have a interest in sex is not practicing heart level communication, or is simply not normal.
Therefore, a suitable helpmate is one that understands her man’s God- created needs, and goes out of her way to satisfy them in godly ways. First Corinthians 7:5 implies that the husband (or wife for that matter) who is satisfied in the marital bedroom is less apt to be tempted elsewhere in other sinful ways.
In my profession and ministry, I cannot tell you how many marriages I saw destroyed on account of the woman under-estimating her husband’s need for sex and/or the husband’s lack of communication on the topic.

A second thing a Christian guy needs in a wife is for her to respect him (Ephesians 5:33). For some reason (I guess we can call it ego) man has this innate need for his wife to respect him, especially in the area of his being able to provide for and protect the family. A man will feel like a total failure if he is lacking in these areas.

If a husband is going through particularly difficult straights in his career and life (ie: job loss, health issues), the wife should take special care of his feelings during this time. When a Christian guy has the respect of his wife, he is energized and can soar to heights unknown. Without respect, his passion fades and he withdraws from life.

The top third quality a Christian guy needs in a wife is for her to encourage him, facilitating a safe haven from the storms of life. From folks like Ruth Graham to Laura Bush, this cliche holds true:”Behind every great man is a great woman.” This kind of woman will not have to worry about her husband wandering because she knows how to “make her house a home” in which her kids and husband love to be (Proverbs 31).

If you are a Christian woman reading this, you may be feeling like, “Hey, how about my needs in marriage?” Remember, the Christian husband is also called to be a helpmate, and to love his wife as Christ loved the church.

Okay, as a single Christian woman or man, you don’t presently have a suitable helpmate. That could be a bummer unless God has specifically gifted you for singleness. However, you can begin to prepare yourself and your future mate by taking some practical steps by faith:

1. Pray for your future husband or wife on a daily basis, that God would bless them, and cultivate in them just the right qualities that will complement you.


2. Pray for wisdom, guidance, purity and understanding as the Lord leads you in dating/courting relationships.


3. Thank the Lord in advance that He will provide for all your needs (Phil 4:19; Psalms 37:4).
   

Author: Unknown

Rebound Relationships

What exactly is a rebound relationship or dating on the rebound? It’s an intense dating relationship that begins very soon after a long-term relationship goes south. As one experienced single person described it: “A rebound relationship is kinda like jumping from one moving train to another. There’s no time for thinking about what you are about to do. Rebound dating is both exciting and dangerous at the same time.” Now that sounds intense!

The fact is, rebound relationships get bad marks from most single women and men who have tried them. The reason is that instead of being that perfect medicine for mending a broken heart, most rebound relationships fail, and consequently cause more pain for both dating partners.
If you are in a rebound dating relationship now, or just thinking about entering one, consider the following dating advice tips in order to protect yourself:

Rebound Relationship Advice for Those Dating on the Rebound

Rebound Relationships Tip 1: Only Fools Rush In

Ending one relationship and rebounding immediately into the next one, is not healthy for you, or fair to the other person. The reason for this is that you need time to grieve and heal before truly being emotionally ready for a new person.
While it’s natural to feel vulnerable and needy immediately after a breakup or divorce, fight the temptation to rebound so quickly into a new dating situation. It may dull your pain, but slow your healing.
Instead, take this time to evaluate what went wrong in the previous relationship, and think about how you can improve yourself for the next.

Rebound Relationships Tip 2: Get Counsel and Accountability

Before taking the plunge into a rebound relationship, get wise counsel from people who know and love you, and who can keep you accountable to making sound judgements.
Unfortunately, people involved in rebound relationships often seek a “quick fix” for their pain and damaged self-esteem. This leaves the rebound dater open for sexual and emotional manipulation by unsavory types who actually prey on the broken hearted.
Another problem with dating on the rebound is that people who do this tend to seek out the same type of person in the previous relationship, which predictably ends with the same results. That’s why it’s important to have several people who can help keep you centered during your healing process.


Rebound Relationship Advice for the Person Dating the Rebounder

Know the Odds

If you’re looking for a long-term commitment, dating in a rebound relationship is definitely not the thing to do. We counsel against entering a dating relationship with someone you know who:

• Has been out of their precious relationship less then a year
• Has shown by their words and behavior that they are not over their previous relationship
  

If you are dating a rebounder as described above, the chances are great that you a just a “transitory” person. Once the rebounder in the rebound relationship emotionally heals, they usually end up leaving the other person.

Don’t Let your Guard Down

This is usually not good advice, especially if you are attempting to build an emotionally intimate friendship. However, for your own protection, take it very slow with the rebounder, honestly explaining to him or her that you do not want to be a rebound relationship statistic.
This will take lots of self-control because rebound daters are very needy people who will attempt to fill the void, and blunt the pain in their lives by getting real close, real soon. Don’t take the bait, and save yourself much pain.

Author...unknown

Moving Past Rejection

Hagar moved numbly forward, not knowing where she was going. Left to her own devices, she would have crumbled to the ground and huddled in a fetal position toward off the waves of grief that overwhelmed her. But for her son’s sake, she stood upright.

Never had she imagined this. Yet here she stood, facing an uncertain future. Life once had seemed so simple but now... oh, what she would give for one yesterday!
Hagar felt so unprotected, victimized. She had served Abraham’s wife faithfully. In her desire to bear a son, Sarah had offered Hagar to Abraham, in hopes that she might bring forth an heir. Sarah had never imagined that what had transpired between her servant and her husband could be more than just a physical act.

And yet, Hagar now knew differently. She was merely a servant, but when Abraham laid with her, something had happened inside her. Something took further root as his son grew within her body. The truth was that Hagar had been joined to him not just physically, but spiritually and emotionally as well.

Sarah sensed this, too, and treated Hagar harshly. So harshly that Hagar ran away. But the angel of the Lord had bid her to return. And return she did, until Sarah could bear the sight of Hagar no longer. Abraham had looked apologetic as he sent Hagar and their son away, but he was determined to keep the peace in his home. Peace at any price.

The ache within Hagar grew as she watched Abraham walk back toward his home, shoulders bent, weary from the bickering of the two women who contended for his love. Hagar knew she was not entitled to his heart. And yet, the fruit of their time together had wrapped its arms around her, tugging her back to present reality. She would never be able to call the love of Abraham her own, but the ever-present reminder of their union was manifested in the life of her son Ishmael.

She treasured this bittersweet gift; it was all she had left to comfort herself, the sole reminder of a season when she felt loved. No matter how brief the moment, it would have to be enough ....
No matter how short the encounter, the act of giving yourself to another plants seeds within the soil of your heart—seeds that bear lasting fruit. You can be sure that every relationship leaves a permanent mark upon your spirit. Long after that person’s departure, the evidence of his or her presence remains.

Dealing with the residue of past relationships can be an overwhelming proposition. How do you break free from the constant reminders of that lost love? How do you come to terms with the injustice of being cast away in spite of all you have to offer? And worst of all, how do you deal with having to hurt alone when life seems to go on without a ripple for the one who left you weeping in rejection’s wake?

Even through the pain of being rejected, we can take comfort knowing that God is near to us and is able to turn the bitter to sweet if we embrace His counsel. For He uses every experience to perfect us into greater vessels bearing fruit for his glory.

Prayer
Dear heavenly Father, I have been the victim of bad choices. Some deliberate, some against my better judgment. I have failed myself and failed You. I admit that I was not prepared for the consequences of my actions, and the burden of them seems too much to bear. So here I stand, looking to Your hands for healing. For support and help. Whom have I in heaven but You? Whom have I in the earth besides You?

After all is said and done, You alone are the only one who will not spurn my offerings of love. Forgive me for taking so long to see this. But now I come, mistakes in hand, asking You to take what the enemy meant for evil and make it good. Redeem my past failings and pain and grant me a new beginning. Give me a reason to live and love again. As I embrace You, fill the spaces left behind by those who rejected me and set me apart for your purposes, to the praise and glory of your name, in Jesus’ name. Amen.

Author Michelle Hammond