Single Or Married This Is For You

Welcome To Blogville Sherdian!/New Blogger

2011-12-08T16:59:00.001-08:00

Life Of A Single Dad...Ugh and Yay All In One

http://sheridanjr.blogspot.com/

Followers, silent followers, viewers, stalkers, commentors & viewing by accident readers, I would like to welcome a NEW blogger to blogworld. His name is Sheridan aka Jamie. His blog is about his journey of being a single parent father. Dealing with children's mother near death accident to his father's health problem, to 3 eager, forever learning kids, and trying to find time for himself....how does he juggle it all! Not many men are going through this. So when you all get a chance, check out his blog.

Thanks Sheridan for sharing your world.

To happy blogging Sherdian and to all other new bloggers and readers!

Enjoy!

http://sheridanjr.blogspot.com/

6 Ways To Be A Better Father

2011-12-02T10:43:00.000-08:00

Your kids look up to you-take advantage of it while you can

Games of catch are a good start, but it's the deeper lessons that count. The best way to start: Minimize you kids' Wii-time in favor of we-time, no matter what activity you're engaged in. There are teaching opportunities everywhere—whether they're delivered directly or subconsciously. Use these tips to shape good character, 365 days a year.

1. Be More Vocal

Speak up: Your kid is listening. In families with two working parents, fathers have a greater impact on their children's language development by age 3 than mothers do, according to a study in the Journal of Applied Developmental Psychology. Provide a creative, dramatic play-by-play of the activities you're engaged in and your surroundings. Use big words, even if they're unfamiliar to your kid. Children learn a lot by context.

2. Don't Give in to Tantrums

"When your anxiety visibly rises, you add fuel to the fire," says Hal Edward Runkel, a family therapist and the author of ScreamFree Parenting. And if you simply hand over a piece of candy, you encourage more bad behavior. Instead, when your kid starts shouting, be calm and attentive. Don't ignore it. This signals that you will not be rattled and the child won't win—ever. It may not work for the first tantrum, warns Runkel, but it's magic by the fifth.

3. Challenge Them

Children as young as four years old start to compete with their parents—sprinting to the car, wrestling on the sofa, stuff like that. Roll with it. Let them win a lot, and then slowly ramp it up so they have to work harder for their victories. "It's a way for kids to develop a sense of strength and to let them test their muscles," says Justin Richardson, M.D., who teaches psychiatry at Columbia University. They'll start to walk more confidently and be less of a mark for bullies.

4. Encourage Calluses

If you can instill in your kids an enthusiasm for work, that's about as good a gift as a father can give. Within earshot of the kids, explain to a friend or family member that they helped paint the Adirondack chairs, and make it clear how pleased you were with their effort.

5. Teach Them to Tinker

When your kids are little, take them with you to the hardware store. Let them watch you explore that leaking faucet or flickering lamp, trying to figure things out. There's magic in repair, especially in an era when so many things are just replaced instead of refitted. You want the kids to see the world as susceptible to their wit or muscle, to their ingenuity and effort.

6. Set Realistic Expectations

Maybe you don't wish for a prodigy, but our competitive society suggests otherwise. That's why so many kids have trouble focusing, says C. Andrew Ramsey, M.D., a psychiatry professor at Columbia University. Make sure your kids know your expectations. Celebrate improvement first. And explain the value of slow mastery. "Whether your kids love Tom Brady or Beyoncé, let them know that these people succeeded because they mastered one skill," says Dr. Ramsey. "Learn to go through one door and many others will open for you; try to go through five doors at once and you'll go nowhere."

Men's Health Dad

http://dad.menshealth.com/toddlers/Be_a_Better_Father.php?cm_mmc=CHNL-_-2011_01_14-_-main-_-body1

Step Into Your Season

2011-11-29T15:05:00.000-08:00

TODAY’S SCRIPTURE“Let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart”(Galatians 6:9, NKJ)

TODAY’S WORD from Joel and Victoria

This year, I believe, is going to be a year of great harvest for many people. Maybe you’ve been facing some difficulties. Remember, great difficulties lead to great victories. Maybe you’ve felt like the storms of life have been blowing against you, trying to hold you back. I believe this year that the winds are changing direction, and now they are going to start propelling you forward. Due season is coming. It’s not time to sit back. It’s not time to let up. It’s time to press forward. It’s time to rise up! Don’t grow weary while doing good. Keep doing good and don’t lose heart because it’s your time, and it’s your season!By faith begin to declare, “2011 is my year! I’m stepping into a new season. I’m letting go of what didn’t work out. I’m putting on a new attitude and enlarging my vision. I’m going to go into this year with a new fire and greater expectancy. I’m pressing forward to step into my season!”

A PRAYER FOR TODAY

Heavenly Father, thank You for the truth of Your Word which sets me free. I declare by faith that my due season is here. I will stand strong, I will keep believing, I will keep praying, I will stay faithful to Your Word. Thank You for the harvest of blessing in store for me in my future. In Jesus’ Name. Amen.— Joel & Victoria Osteen

Be Happy

2011-11-17T15:35:00.000-08:00

Have an Attitude of Gratitude

Take a few minutes out of your day to think about everything that has happened recently to make you smile. Yeah, it sounds a bit self-helpy, but according to Lyubomirsky, it works: "When you have to keep coming up with answers to the question 'What am I thankful for?' it forces you to see how the little things you might have overlooked or taken for granted play a role in your happiness."

Banish the Comparisons

Happy people take pleasure in the successes of other people rather than using those successes as a yardstick to measure their own lives. "You can't feel good about what you have if you're constantly calculating how you stack up to others," says Lyubomirsky. The irony is that in order to become less competitive (and a lot happier), you need to drop out of the race. That's not to say you should abandon your goals—it just means you need to start running at your own pace.

Find Meaning in Your Work

A study of a hospital's cleaning staff found that those who described their jobs as bettering the lives of others were more satisfied than those who considered their jobs less worthwhile. Experts also say that those of us who believe we're doing what we're destined to do feel more immediate and long-term happiness. Even if you're not jazzed about your current job, consider how your actions contribute to the common good. Or relish how it gives you the means to participate in pleasurable activities outside of work.

Hang with Happy People

A study done by the University of California at San Diego and Harvard Medical School revealed that "happiness can spread from person to person to person in a chain reaction, through social circles." On average, every happy friend you have increases your chance of being happy by 9 percent. Now if happiness is contagious, don't you want to put yourself in a position to catch it?

By Meghan Rabbit

Women's Health Magizine

Your Time Is Coming!!!

2011-11-01T16:18:00.000-07:00

TODAY’S SCRIPTURE

“For the vision is yet for an appointed time...though it tarry, wait for it.”
(Habakkuk 2:3, KJV)

If you’ve been standing in faith for the promises of God, I want you to know today that your time is coming! The dreams and desires in your heart, the things you want to accomplish, the situations you want to see changed will happen. Don’t give up just because it has taken a long time, or just because you’ve tried and failed.

I encourage you today — get your fire back! Don’t be complacent about pursuing what God has placed in your heart. It may be taking a long time, but God is a faithful God. No matter how long it’s been, no matter how impossible it looks, if you’ll stay in faith, your time is coming. Every dream that’s in your heart, every promise that has taken root, God not only put it there, but He has every intention of bringing it to pass.

Declare today, “My time is coming...God is working behind the scenes on my behalf...I will fulfill my destiny...I will fulfill the plan God has for my life!” As you declare, expect, and wait for the appointed time, your faith will grow. Your hope will grow. And you’ll step into the destiny God has in store for you!

A PRAYER FOR TODAY

Father in Heaven, I receive Your truth today and hold on to Your promises. I ask that You ignite my heart with Your holy fire so that I can pursue Your perfect plan for my life. Make my thoughts and words agreeable to Your will as I meditate on Your Word. In Jesus’ name, amen.

— Joel & Victoria Osteen

There Is Always Hope

2011-10-20T09:06:00.000-07:00

Lady A Speaks

No matter how bad off it is. What it may look like. What it doesn't look like. Remember, there is hope. You just have to believe and be at peace with your decision in believing. Keep in mind that somethings just don't change overnight. It's a process. So in that process, a better you is in the making. Your patience, wisdom, faith, hope, character and overall "new" you is being birthed out.

You know the saying, "Rome wasn't built in one day" or something like that. Well same with you. Put your name in the place of "Rome". Exactly! It takes time for greatness to be brought forth. Problem is, majority want the microwave success.

Take your time in this thing called Life. Trust and hope for the best of the people around you. As you are doing so, great works are in the making for you. Just because you don't see it doesn't mean it's not happening for you. Be still and know God has your best interest at heart!

Lady A

Miss you all!!! I know, I know...I was going through a lot with the health issues, etc...but I think I'm doing better now to start blogging again. I apologize for all the comments I didn't respond to. I pray and hope all is well with everyone who is a reader, even if it's your first time. Muah!

Stir Up Your Dreams

2011-01-04T23:22:00.000-08:00

TODAY’S SCRIPTURE

“Therefore I remind you to stir up the gift of God which is in you...”
(2 Timothy 1:6, NKJ)

TODAY’S WORD from Joel and Victoria

Do you need some freshness in your life today? You may simply need to stir up what God has placed on the inside of you. Stir up those gifts, stir up those dreams, stir up those talents inside. Start stretching yourself. You were created to be a dreamer and to pursue the desires God has placed in your heart.

The Scripture tells us that without vision, people perish. If you don’t have a dream or vision for your life, you’re not really going to reach your fullest potential. Maybe at one time you had a dream, but you went through some disappointments or setbacks. Things didn’t turn out the way you planned. But here’s a key: when one dream dies, dream another dream. Just because it didn’t work out the way you had it planned doesn’t mean that God doesn’t have another plan. You cannot allow one disappointment or even a series of disappointments to convince you that your dream is over. It’s time to dig your heals in and hold on to the promises in your heart. Stir up those God-given dreams today and watch Him pour out His favor and blessing upon you and fulfill every desire in your heart!

A PRAYER FOR TODAY

Father in heaven, I come humbly to You. I give You my past, my disappointments, my brokenness. Fill me with Your hope and expectation and give me the dreams and desires that You have in store for my life. In Jesus’ Name. Amen.

2010-12-18T20:24:00.000-08:00

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to ALL!!

Will be blogging again Jan. 2011

Thank you for the love and patience. God bless you all!

Lady A

LIFE and BEING BUSY!

2010-05-12T09:39:00.000-07:00

I so apologize to all my readers for not blogging and my updating the blog(s). I have been truly busy with this thing called LIFE! Omg, this month May is really full of family, friends, church, and personal events. Last weekend I had 4 events to go too, but only made it to 3...I think that's pretty good, besides, I not trying to wear myself thin and get stressed out again....

I know June and the rest of the summer will be busy as well. Not to mention my health and treatments I'm getting, that's another story.

However, God is good and I will be blogging again. For now I need to break from it but I will be back. I didn't want you all thinking I dropped off the face of the earth.

I have been praying for you all, whether you are a follower or not..anyone who reads I pray that God will meet each and everyone of your needs in Jesus name. AMEN! Stay encourage and be blessed!

"The Sinners Prayer"..........................

Heavenly Father:..........................................................................
I come to you in prayer asking for the forgiveness of
my Sins. I confess with my mouth and believe with my
heart that Jesus is your Son, And that he died on the
Cross at Calvary that I might be forgiven and have
Eternal Life in the Kingdom of Heaven. Father, I believe
that Jesus rose from the dead and I ask you right now
to come in to my life and be my personal Lord and
Savior. I repent of my Sins and will Worship you all the
day's of my Life!. Because your word is truth, I confess
with my mouth that I am Born Again and Cleansed
by the Blood of Jesus! In Jesus Name, Amen.

Make Your Marriage Stick

2010-04-14T07:34:00.000-07:00

Have A Happy Marriage With These Quick Tips

Follow Your Bliss and His.......

"Take interest in what your partner is involved in, and continue to do things you like, so you'll stay interesting to each other," says Barbara Prescott, Ph.D., coauthor ofMy Heart Got Married and I Didn't Know It.-

Accept That He Will Not Be Perfect and Never Will Be

"Many marital problems simply have no solution," says Susan Page, author of Why Talking Is Not Enough: 8 Loving Actions That Will Transform Your Marriage. "Give up harping about the small issues and look for ways you can adapt, accept, and learn to live with what annoys you."

Don't Diss His Family

"Treat your in-laws with respect," says W. Bradford Wilcox, director of the National Marriage Project. "Building supportive relationships with family is crucial to a successful marriage."

Ditch The Bad Influences

It's great to have girls' nights and boys' nights out, but spend time with friends who have the best interests of your marriage at heart, Wilcox says (i.e., not your former roommate who pushes you to sext your ex).

Keep Things Hot

"Be affectionate and have sex to keep the passion alive," says Michele Weiner-Davis, author of The Sex-Starved Marriage. You'll get along a lot better if you're getting it on regularly.

http://www.womenshealthmag.com/sex-and-relationships/marriage-advice?cat=19436&tip=19431

Is It Wrong To Stay In The Same House Before Marriage?

2010-03-31T17:40:00.000-07:00

PLEASE READ MY REVIEW CORNER BEFORE READING

~Lady A's View~

To My:

Followers, silent followers, commentors, stalkers, and for the accidentally hit the wrong button readers, everyone situation is different. What make work for some may not work for others. It's best to pray and ask God for the best answer for YOU! God is not going to tempt you, He knows what you can handle. If you are facing this situation, ask yourself, "are my intentions pure?"---Thanks for reading, ~Lady A~

-By Cindy Wright

The question was posed to us at Marriage Missions:

Should two single people stay together in the same house before they get married — even if it is just a day here and a day there — and even if it’s claimed that it is due to logistical/geographical or traveling reasons? What if it’s claimed that they’re not having sexual relations together and the man is sleeping on the floor and the lady is sleeping on the bed?

MY ANSWER:

I wish we could say that it would be just fine for this couple to stay in the same house alone together before they marry because I’m sure it would be much more convenient that way. The problem isn’t just in the fact that they’re staying in the same house together when they’re single, because they could be very innocent in their motives and their actions.

Before I was a Christian, I was in that kind of situation several times and I still stayed pure — so I know it is possible.

The problem is, that they are putting themselves into a situation which gives the enemy of our faith a foothold to tempt them. The spiritual enemy of darkness is very clever and wants to rob them of being pure for their wedding night and will stop at nothing to convince them that they can give in to their temptation and they’ll be just fine. (A good example of this is Adam and Eve.)

And this is true even if one or the other of them has had sexual relations before this. When you know something to be sin, you are to stop immediately and not do it again.

The enemy of our faith wants to steal from us and God any type of spiritual victory that’s possible. For this reason the temptations are very tuned in to the person who is being tempted, so there’s more of a possibility of making the fall into sin. God’s enemies know each one of us personally and have studied what has the best chance of bringing us down for the purpose of displeasing God and hurting His heart.

The Bible says to flee temptation so this couple needs to know that if they put themselves into a place where they are alone with their temptation, they are vulnerable and aren’t obeying God’s warnings.

Also, the Bible tells us to stay away from even the “appearance of evil.” If this couple stays together like this — even if they are innocent, they will give fuel to someone who can accuse them of doing more than they are. Many people would never believe that a couple could stay together in circumstances like this and not fall into sin so the lies could take root in someone else’s mind (even if this couple is innocent). This will hurt their testimony and the testimony of Christ. And because we aren’t supposed to be a stumbling block to someone who is weaker in their faith, this could put them into that kind of situation.

If this couple asks a friend or relative to stay in the home when they are there together, then this could work — as long as the person is someone who is trust-worthy and who won’t lie about the situation at some later date. Or maybe one or the other could stay with a friend or relative in the area during these times. They’re bound to know someone who could make this possible.

The main thing is… you want to keep the relationship in the best light possible until it is time for them to marry. I’ve never heard of a person who takes the higher road by protecting how things are, and how they appear to be, to regret it later. But I’ve heard of many who give in, only to deeply regret it later.

We pray this answer will help in some way. We really admire the integrity of any couple who chooses stay pure. Doing things God’s way is commendable — not enough people consider God’s feelings in all of this. Congratulate this couple for us. We’re proud of them.

First Date Etiquette On How To End A First Date

2010-03-24T14:51:00.000-07:00

Christian or not, first date etiquette can be tricky when it comes to

knowing how to end a first date. It’s hard to be dogmatic about first date etiquette for the simple reason that each first date is different

from all others. However the following first date etiquette guidelines on how to end a first date may help. For first

date etiquette rules for first dates in general.

Need a brush up on First date do’s and don’t’s? Going on your first date with someone you met though one

of the online dating services like eHarmonycan be fun and exciting, but also a little scary. Let’s face it, the primary purpose of a first date is to assess whether there is enough chemistry to spend even more

time together. There are a number of first date “do’s and don’t’s” questions to consider:

What will we do on our first date?
What should I wear?
What should be the topic of conversation?
How do I end the first date?

While each first

date is as different as the number of singles in the world, there are a number of “first date do’s and dont’s that can help you have a

great time:

First Date Dating Do's and Don'ts

This first dating step should occur before you step out your door. Make sure you are familiar with online safety dating tips, and plan accordingly.
Choose activities where you will be able to speak with your date. I know movies and concerts are popular dates, but what good is it if you spend three hours together, but are not able to verbally communicate? Remember, great conversation causes sparks to fly, and is also a way to ascertain where your date’s heart is.
Be totally centered on your date, even if there are numerous people nearby. This means giving your utmost attention to them by listening intently to their words and body language. This will not only help you interpret how the first date is going and when to call it a night, but will also make the other person feel more confident and relaxed.
Your dress should be casual and attractive, but not sexually provocative. I’m sure you know what I mean (:
Use humor and light-heartedness to relax yourself and your date.
As Christian singles, it is totally appropriate and attractive to end the evening holding hands in prayer to the Lord, asking Him to guide you in this dating relationship.

First Date Dating No-Nos

Never spend your first date speaking about your previous relationships and dating partners. Nothing is a bigger turnoff or more boring. Yuck! ):
Don’t monopolize the conversation by centering too much on your own stories and needs.
Don’t share your deepest, darkest secrets (and everyone has some) on your first date. We are not saying to not be honest and open, just allow some time to get to know each other in person.

http://christian-dating-service-plus.com/first-date-dos-and-donts.htm

Reasons Not To Get Married

2010-03-18T06:38:00.000-07:00

Most of us either knows someone who is planning on getting married or maybe you’re planning that special event yourself in the future. If that’s true, then you’ll want to pay attention to what Dr Randy Carlson has to say in this Marriage Message. In it, he gives various reasons you shouldn’t get married, or you shouldn’t marry the person you are planning on marrying, or it’s good information to give to someone else who is planning a wedding, to prayerfully consider.

It comes from a magazine called “Insights and Inspiration” that the the ministry of Family Life Radio used to send out to their subscribers. This article was featured in their November 2006 issue and is titled, “Seven Reasons Not to Get Married.” Here is what Dr Carlson shares:

“Those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this” (1 Corinthians 7:28b).
Can you imagine this passage of Scripture quoted as part of a wedding ceremony? The Apostle Paul’s realistic take on marriage goes against the romantic ideal of “love at first sight” and, even more, the belief that wedlock will bring perpetual bliss. But Paul’s opinion on marriage (not surprisingly, Paul chose to remain single) does spotlight a truth that couples cannot afford to ignore — whether they’re contemplating getting married, are already engaged, or have been wed for years.
Being a husband or wife is not easy. More specific, marriage will, at times, bring great difficulty. Divorce remains prevalent because many couples do not realize this, so when trouble comes, they give up too soon, hurt and disillusioned as their definition of what a marriage should be becomes shattered.
I don’t want that to happen to you. Therefore, I put together this unusual list, and even did an entire radio program on this topic — the Seven Reasons Not to Get Married — to give you the reality check you need to go into marriage, or continue onward in your existing marriage, with your eyes wide open. Consider each one carefully and honestly.
You should probably not get married if…
1. You are unwilling to put the needs of another person above your own. Romans 12:10 says, “Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves.” In the Greek, “devoted” is defined in this verse as reciprocal tenderness, while “honor” is identified as showing deference to another person. How often are these characteristics apparent in how you behave toward your fiance or spouse?
2. You are easily offended, carry grudges and are unwilling to forgive.An overly sensitive, vengeful or calloused attitude has no place in any relationship, especially a marriage. The Bible gives you the challenging yet correct standard: “Forgive as the Lord forgave you” (Colossians 3:13b).
3. You are an abusive person (mentally, emotionally, physically). Author and domestic violence expert Lundy Bancroft finds that abusers — who, by the way, are primarily men but also include women — abuse for a variety of reasons, including a need for power and control, finding someone to blame for their problems, and wanting to be the center of attention. Do you see yourself anywhere in these attributes?
4. You do not share the same beliefs, values, life priorities or vision.“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh” (Genesis 2:24). Oneness is essential in marriage, and its foundation is built on these characteristics.
5. You have an unresolved addiction problem. “Like a city whose walls are broken down,” Proverbs 25:28 says, “is a man who lacks self-control.” The Web site Addictions.org lists a variety of harmful addictions affecting millions of people, including addictions to sex, shopping, sleeping, people pleasing, perfectionism, pornography, and overworking. Each will undermine a marriage if ignored.
6. Your career is the most important thing in your life. Philippians 2:3says, “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.” Selfish ambition is interpreted in the Greek as “a desire to put one’s self forward, a partisan and fractious spirit,” while vain conceit is identified as “groundless, empty pride.” Examine how your profession shapes who you are. Does it bring out these traits in you?
7. You are unwilling to be an active sexual partner with your spouse. As a couple, read 1 Corinthians 7:1-5. The Bible speaks directly to this vital issue; verse 3 is clear: “The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband.” There’s no room in a healthy marriage for sexual games, and an active sexual relationship works to ward off temptation to sin.
Don’t be discouraged if you struggle with any of the above reasons. A quality marriage is not defined as one that’s perfect. But do yourself, and your future or current spouse, a favor by committing to change or grow stronger individually in each area. You won’t regret it, and will be able to face and overcome the “troubles” of marriage with unity and in God’s power.
To read more marriage advice from Dr Carlson, you can visit his web site at:www.theintentionallife.com.
Cindy and Steve Wright
www.marriagemission.com

2010-03-16T10:22:00.000-07:00

When you are the right person, your life is filled with joy. Jesus said that He gave us joy that the world could not take away, and yet we allow men to take it away. We allow circumstances to take it away, but 'the joy of the Lord is our strength.' When we give our joy away, we literally give our strength away. God wants us to be self-sufficient and dependent at the same time. That seems like an oxymoron, but what He wants is He wants you to reflect that He does provide for you in every way, but that you are also open to having a partner in your life; dependent on Him for all the really heavy stuff, but also willing to partner with someone else for the stuff that is made for men to handle.

What you have to do in order to attract the right person is be the right person because a lot of the relationships we end up in are really the reflection of what is going on inside of us. When you keep meeting these jerks and you think, Why am I always…? That is the level that you think you deserve, and you haven't dealt with that yet. I am now, I think, at a good place. I don't attract those types of people anymore because I know what my world consists of, I know what I have to contribute, and I know that I would be a valuable asset in a man's life. When a man comes into my world, he senses that and he makes his own decisions based on do I deserve her or not. I no longer have to make those types of decisions.

But most women don't know their own value, and they don't know their own value because they are not doing anything with their lives. Basically, they think they are deserving of nothing, which is not true in the eyes of God. But it would be truer for them if they were motivated by using their gifts, blessing other people, and doing things that when they lay their heads down at night, they felt like they really accomplished something, that they had contributed something great to the world for the day.

Michelle Hammond

ARISE SHINE!!!!!

2010-03-12T06:19:00.000-08:00

TODAY'S SCRIPTURE

"Arise, shine, for your light has come, and the glory of the Lord rises upon you"(Isaiah 60:1, NIV)

I believe that in the coming decade God wants to exceed your expectations! He has amazing things stored up for you. He'll take you places that you've never dreamed and give you breaks that seemed impossible. His glory is rising upon His people. Things are going to fall into place so that you can accomplish what God has placed in your heart. Even the hidden dreams that you've given up on, God has not given up on. He is going to do exceedingly abundantly above and beyond all you could ask, think, or imagine! Your mind may try to talk you out of it, but if you'll listen with your heart, it will resonate on the inside of you. Don't let discouragement hold you back or keep you down. It's time for you to arise. It's time for you to shine. Let that sink down into your spirit today because it's time for you to receive every spiritual blessing and move forward in the destiny He has prepared for you!

A PRAYER FOR TODAY

Heavenly Father, I come to You today with an open and humble heart. Thank You for choosing me and for preparing a bright future for me. I will arise and I will shine. Let everything I do bring honor to You. In Jesus' Name. Amen.

Joel and Victoria

Thank You Everyone For the Love!!

2010-02-09T09:12:00.000-08:00

My dear readers (if I have any left). I was out sick and ended up in the hospital the whole month of January! I am still recuperating and taking it one day at a time. I am here and we will continue Single Or Married This Is For You because it is my passion. However I need to take this time to heal properly and focus on my health.

Please bare with me. I miss you all like crazy! I see I have a couple of new followers. New comers, I will be up and running again, so just bare with me and enjoy reading. Welcome new followers and silent readers!

I can't give a time when I will be back, but please know we will be up and running again asap.

I read everyone's comment and thank you again for the prayers, concern, love and support.

I love you all and God bless you all.

*Muah*

Happy New Year Everyone!/I'm sick but will be back!

2010-01-06T11:43:00.000-08:00

I know I said I will be back posting in Jan.2010, but who knew I would be sick with the H1N1! Yup, thought it wouldn't happen to me but it did. Worst thing ever. So I just wanted to let you all know I'll be back when I'm over it. Had it since Dec.24 and got worst. I haven't moderated any comments yet, but I will soon. So if you sent a comment, it will be posted. Give me time please.

I miss you all and love you all. Thanks for understanding.

Lady A

See You Jan. 2010!

2009-12-14T10:27:00.000-08:00

Hello lovely peoples! I would like to thank each and every one of you who are followers, silent followers, stalkers, readers, viewers and supporters of this blog. However, due to the holiday season and all that is going on, I will not be posting on this blog until Jan. 2010.

Therefore, I'm taking a nice break from ALL of my blogs. I want to come back refreshed, renewed, rejuvenated, and have fresh new material for you all.

I will be doing some rearranging of this blog. Some of you all may know that I manage 5 blogs. Well, I will now condense them down to 3! I will be combining my Inspirational blog with Single Or Married This Is For You. So now you all will have a mixture of posts. I will be changing the title of this blog, so don't be alarmed, same blog, but different title.

Thank you all again for the love and support. Special shout out to all my commentors! I appreciate it. I hope and trust that everyone will have a wonderful Christmas and a Happy New Year!

Be safe, I love you all, and let 2010 be the best year from now on out. Live your life to the fullest in Jesus name! Amen!

See you all next year! (Sounds far doesn't it, lol!)

Top 3 Fears of Single Women and Men

2009-12-10T10:02:00.000-08:00

Fear of Rejection

Some single women and men are scared of reaching out to singles of the opposite sex for fear of being rejected by them.

Most singles who have this kind of fear and trepidation are gentle and sweet people. Unfortunately, they often transfer their own negative feelings about themselves onto others, thinking that the person they are interested in dating feels the same way.

Everyone is a loser with this kind of fear. The other single guy or girl the fearful person is attracted to will never know it, and the single with the fear of dating will never experience what he or she is missing.

Fear of Being Vulnerable

Closely connected to the fear of rejection, some single Christians hold their feelings so close to themeselves that others can never get to truly know them. Did you ever meet someone like that? They will only let you get so close, and then they mysteriously back away. You may have had an interest in getting to know them better, but their fear of being vulnerable precludes any possibility of a meaningful relationship.

This kind of fear keeps a single person from connecting emotionally and spiritually with others. Since the ability to be vulnerable is a necessary ingredient in successful dating or marriage relationships, the person who is afraid in this area experiences many missed opportunities or shallow and short, unsatisfying relationships.

Many Christians singles who are fearful of opening up to others on a heart level come from abusive backgrounds, such as adult children of alcoholics.

Fear of Change

Many single women and men alike remain single because they fear moving out of their comfort zones by taking faith filled risks. Singles who fear change are creatures of habit, and feel safe with the “same old” ways of meeting people to date. For example, using online dating services, even if shown to be beneficial, would be a very scary experience if they never tried one before.

We all would agree that change can be a scary experience. However, single women and men who have a fear of change naturally limit themselves in the ways they can meet a mate or date.

What God Says About Fear

The Lord has an awful lot to say about fear. One of the main things that jumps out at you as you read the Scriptures is that God continually admonishes us not to fear.

For example, in a New Testament passage in Mark 5:36, Jesus encourages a father whose daughter was ill: “Don’t be fearful, just believe.” How interesting! On the one hand we have fearfulness; on the other we have belief and trust. If you really think about it, faith and fear cannot coexist. One will have to give way to the other.

Overall, if you are a single Christian woman or man struggling with fear issues that are holding you back from from meeting your soul mate, take cheer! You are definitely not alone in your fears, and there is help for you. We suggest you pray over the following suggestions:

Talk about your fears with a reputable Christian counselor, singles group pastor or trusted friend. Oftentimes, speaking about our fears with someone else brings us back to reality and gives us hope for the future. The advice they offer could also be liberating.
Let God’s word and Spirit soothe your heart and fears as you look up and meditate on what He says on the topic. Here are a few paraphrased verses to get you started:

Psalm 34:4: The Lord is able to deliver you from all your fears.
Isaiah 51:7: Do not fear the reproach of others or be terrified of their insults
Proverbs 29:25: Fear of men (whether they be single or not) is a snare.
Joshua 1:8: Don’t be afraid or discouraged because God is with you.
1John 4:18: God has a perfect love that casts out all fear.

Finally, if you are a single woman or man with further advice on the topic of fear and dating, please consider helping other singles by sharing your comments about fear.

Romance II

2009-12-07T08:08:00.000-08:00

Enjoy! ~Lady A~

Bring it on YNC:

(Romance 102 part 2)

a)The first step for anyone who has ever felt mistreated or hurt in any relationship is acceptance of oneself and improving ones self-esteem. You have to learn to move on from the past and ask yourself. What next? What can be done for a better romantic relationship. It might take weeks or months to heal. During your healing phase, take a pen and paper and list what you want. Think about any new romance like a market list, whenever you hit the store, you always have your small list with you to know what you're buying. If you fail to have the list, you might find yourself coming home with something you don't need. So in any new relationship you find yourself getting into, ask yourself. What do I want? Do I want the same old baggage? No! List and be realistic for what you wishing for:

Example of a romantic list:

I know he is not going to be 100% perfect but I accept it
I want a God fearing man
I want a man who shares my values, my goals
I want a man who is romantic
I want a man who is caring
I want a man who respect womenI want a man who has a reasonable education
I want a man with manners
I want a man who my family will love
I don't want a drunkard
I don't want a womanizer

b)Stop making excuses and remove any doubt, enough is enough. How long will you keep giving excuses as to why romance does not exist? It exist, it's your mindset, you have to change it now. You can't receive something good in your life if you don't believe in it. So it's about time to start believing in romance, it sure exist. The Mr. Right for you is silently waiting for a chance in your life, he's around the corner but he will only show up when the excuses and doubt stop. Think about it like this, if you kept making excuses for everything in your life, chances are by now, your life would be so miserable. You won't even graduate college if you believed it wasn't your thing. So tell yourself right now, I will remove from my mind every doubt regarding my next relationship. I know my Mr. Right will find me. Seriously mean it from your heart.

c)Once you stop making excuses and have set realistic goals for your next relationship. It is now time to focus on keeping an open mindset and being at the right place at the appointed time. By having an open mindset, I refer to being sociable with the new people you happen to run into. You can't size someone the moment you meet them. He might not be sexy for you but that does not mean he is not the one. He might not have the right profession but hey, he might be your Mr romantic. The right places in your life is places you find yourself going to all the time. It might be your job, the grocery store, church, cocktail parties, friends, relationship with families, that busy downtown bar, it could be anything. Just focus on your life and do what you normally enjoy doing. If you are a college student, you never know when you might find yourself running into Mr right. If you are a busy lawyer, it might be the new consultant working for your firm. If you are a single nurse, it might be that new male nurse in your unit. If you are visiting your relatives, they might be the ones to know someone good for you. It could be anything people.

e)So now you happen to find Mr. Right who happen to share all your values, the next step is for you to learn to be the bigger person. Don't immediately start to think that what Mr. "x" did to you will repeat itself with new Mr. "B." No! Rather focus on getting to know this new person and seeing what good can be found in it, if you quickly start hating every good that Mr "B" presents into your life. Nothing good might happen from that relationship. The fact that Mr. "x" was not romantic in your life does not mean that Mr. "B" will not be romantic. Take risk with Mr. "B," if he wants to take you for a walk downtown, park the car and go for a walk with him. If he wants you both to go see the museum, do it together, don't say this guy is nuts. If he wants you both to go on a romantic date and he's broke, offer to help split the bill. If he buys your roses, accept it and smile, don't say...he wants some sugar. By sugar, I mean SEX. It's all about growing from the past, not moving back to the past.

f)Suddenly everything I listed worked out in your new relationship, it's 3 months and you are starting to feel the butterflies and all that love feeling everyone loves. Your friends see that you are glowing. The new guy has asked you to become his girlfriend.

So what next:

(Step 1): Smile and be happy

(Step 2): don't forget that any new relationship takes work to remain good

(Step 3): Learn to be the bigger person in your new relationship to keep the romance alive at all times. If your new guy doesn't like you swearing, avoid doing so. If he wants you to be stop wearing short skirts, don't curse him out. Do it. If you going to be fighting him all the time over everything, you might suddenly find yourself single again and writing another list. It's all about learning how to be the bigger person in any relationship.

g) With all said, you are now on the right track towards "romance 103" which is all about engagements, marriage and keeping it all together forever. Now you are officially welcome to the club, go grab your ticket. See you there, can't wait to see what you be wearing. Cheers!So with everything said today, I pray to God to bless us all in our relationships, to anyone looking for true love, never give up on love. It will find you sooner than you think, just keep being positive, believe in romance for your blessing is on the way. Also, let us not forget those in need at this special time of the month, if you see or know anyone that has nothing to eat this thanksgiving, share with the little you have. Even if you don't have money to give, give your time, call a good friend. Do something for someone and may God richly bless us all as "we" think about others in need. I hope we all have a good thanksgiving week. I am out of here, will be back to read all your blogs. Stay blessed. Bye!

Author: Yankee Najia Chick

Romance I

2009-12-04T13:35:00.000-08:00

This is an article written by one of my favorite bloggers. I am sure you all will find this information very useful. Enjoy!
~LadyA~

Good So your girl has been thinking lately about this topic, "Romance 101 part 1" knowing my anniversary happens to be next week with my baby. I have been with the man of my dreams now for 3 years. Love is like a roller coaster ride, some days everything feels like paradise, sometimes you find yourself wondering, what in the world am I doing with this nutty man? So in blogging about Romance 101 part 1, I really don't want anyone to pass judgement or feel obligated to challenge their love life, I want us to all learn from this and better our lives for good. So grab yourself a cup of warm coffee and enjoy reading. Cheers!

What is Romance? A lot of people often refer to romance as the love between a boy and a girl. Others think of roses, kisses, making love, the juicy details involved when a man wants a woman. There is no perfect definition for defining romance,I might define it as falling in love, you might see it as being in love, others might call it worst nightmare for anyone. Well, why are we talking about romance? You might ask me.

3 weeks ago, I happened to run into a Naija sister with complains about a guy she was dating. The dude happen to be African, he wanted to befriend this sister but he wasn't ready to woo her into anything. All he wanted was a relationship right away.I really don't know what he was thinking, but a lot of guys fail to realize that we women love to be swept off our feets prior to being in a relationship. We all want to experience the perfect butterfly feelings, a nice dinner, get roses and teddies, everything cutie that women love. But gone are those days, guys today just want "Yes/No" answers before they waste their money on any woman. Will I say the economy is affecting the mentality of today's man or perhaps times have changed, we have to pass judgements right away before wasting resources on any woman. What do you think?

Whatever happened to the prince charming of yesterday? Today's men now curse women openly. A sister was telling me that she refused to date a Naija man, next thing the guy told her " She lacked proper etiquette, she was loud and not cute" ...are you for real? So are you saying today's men now flip the coin both ways, you refuse a date with me, this is what you get. The sister was depressed for weeks knowing she was asking question, do I really lack proper etiquette? She went on a holy war with herself to change her ways and have ladylike manners, she told me that when next she meets a man, if he wasn't her type and rejected her. She was ready to blast him immediately with WORDS, that was her definition of holy war. Is this what the new romance is turning into where we play games with each other? I pity the next guy who happens to step on her toes, he had better be prepared for what he gets.

Another frequent complain from lots of women and men is that there are few good ones out there? A lot of people fail to realize that LOVE will only find you when it's the right time. Sometimes there might be a purpose why things are not happening so soon. Maybe it's not yet time for you to be in a relationship, maybe you are not yet mature enough to handle Mr Right. Prince charming might be knocking on the door for some ladies, but due to their judgemental minds about romance and love, they immediately turn him down saying, " He doesn't fit my list of Mr Perfect." These women tend to forget that there is no perfect man, even they themselves have flaws and ain't Miss Perfect. How do we solve this mess?The new complain from lots of people today regarding romance is that it's just a myth. Today's romance for some people is all about smile, eat out and make love immediately. Some people refuse dating, they immediately want "SEX" on the first date. Whatever happened to patience in dating, I get to know you for 6-7 months, and we move on from there? A lot of guys and women are rushing their lives and following the system, people want everything to happen now now. It's either she is for me, I taste the juicy fruit or move on from there. The media plays a big role in influencing today's men and women knowing, movies and TV programmes all view romance between a man and a woman as dating in 3 days and making "LOVE" quickly. Are we missing the gap? Is this the new definition of ROMANCE?

Another popular complain from many men and women today is that: If am so romantic to a woman, she would think am fake and want to get some sugar. Most men complain that they are ready to be romantic to any woman they meet, but recently a lot of women have been giving them the "Mean" eye regarding romance. Miss too independent and strong for love, most women also need to soften up and enjoy when being wooed by a man. Some women have already programmed their minds into believing that ROMANCE doesn't exist anymore, therefore when Mr right comes to woo them, they simply reject everything. He sends you a dozen roses, you send it back. He wants to take you to a nice movie, you instantly say NO. What about a nice walk by the London Bridge, the two of us? You immediately question his motives, does this dude think I walk, I drive. Some women have this strong block in their minds, until that block is moved away, they may never experience the joy of falling in love and experiencing the real romance for themselves.

One thing I notice that have changed the way people view romance is "CAREER CHOICES." Today men and women now use career as a #1 criteria before anything can be done, if the man is a doctor and the woman is a lawyer, some guys immediately say, this is the one without even getting to know her. They want somebody that measures up to their potential, we both have to have doctorate degrees or no romance 101. The type of woman they can brag about to their peers, whatever happened to accepting a woman as she is? Even women today are no saints, some women only want men that are politicians, doctors, lawyers, this and that NAME. Spare me the names, if God or whatever religion you practice has destined for your Mr right to be a Teacher.(I am not saying teachers are bad)... Accept it and move on, you can't limit yourself to love by waiting for MR PRESIDENT.

Anyways, I rest my case this morning. Romance is truly complicated, there is no right or wrong answer. The concluding "part 2" will be out next week with a solution for the everyday man and woman. I will also include a short romantic video of my LOVE LIFE for anyone interested, with a story. Stay tuned for Part 2, it would be out during thanksgiving week. Have a good day everyone.

Author: Yankee Najia Chick

Cultivate Your Life With Your Wife

2009-11-30T16:58:00.000-08:00

*For married men

In his series, The Purpose of the Male Man, Dr. Myles Munroe (one of my favorite motivators) expounds on how God has created and designed the ‘male’ man to be a cultivator.

Genesis 2:15 says, “And then the Lord God took the man and put him into the Garden of Eden to cultivate it and keep it.”

Cultivate means to make something grow, produce, and increase. Dr. Munroe says that the original assignment God left for Adam was for him to make the garden better.

In this, we men also find our assignment. God placed Adam in the Garden of Eden. Where has God placed you? Who has God placed you with?

As husbands, I want to encourage us all to cultivate our wives! Brothers, let’s rise to the occasion to help our wives bloom and blossom into something much more than they are today—that both their inner and outer beauty would continually increase.

And, I do not mean trying to ‘change’ her. But when a gardener tends his garden, he gives to it. He tills the soil; he waters it regularly; he doesn’t allow weeds to grow; he applies the right fertilizers (nutrients); and he kills off all harmful pests.

Because he loves his garden and wants its beauty to flourish, he’ll do anything it takes, and do it faithfully.

How can we cultivate our wives? I want to recommend something from Dr. Gary Chapman. In his book, The Five Love Languages (How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate). He encourages us to understand the “love language” spoken by our spouse. He highlights five ways people express and receive love:

• Words of Affirmation: encouragement through words (can be verbal or written).

• Quality Time: focused and intentional time spent together.

• Receiving Gifts: gifts are visual symbols of love.

• Acts of Service: doing something to meet a practical need for the other person.

• Physical Touch: hugs, rubs, kisses, strokes, and touch that conveys warmth and affection.

Dr. Chapman says that it’s important for us to know what our spouse’s primary love language is —and not to just use the expression that we naturally favor, but to relate to our spouse in the language that is their primary language.

Some ways you can discover your wife’s love language are: by observing to see how she expresses love; or by experimenting to see which of these expressions of love she best responds to when you use it on her. Another way is by simply asking (don’t be shy to ask).

How’s her love tank?

Dr Chapman also borrows a term from Dr. Ross Campbell, a child psychologist, who says “Inside every child is an ‘emotional tank’ waiting to be filled with love.” This is likened to the oil tank in a vehicle. In order to run smoothly, it needs to be full and well maintained. The same is true for our marriages. How’s your wife’s emotional love tank?

Brothers, it might be time for all of us to check on that tank! It’s easy for us guys to get caught up in cars, sports, hobbies, and television. Hopefully, we are not spending more time on these than we are making deposits into our wife’s love tank! Chapman says that we can expect “people to behave differently when their emotional love tanks are full.”

Let’s really surprise and bless our wives by using her primary love language, filling up her love tank, and making a commitment to ourselves to cultivate her all year round!

Also commit to telling one friend about your cultivation pledge and plan. And, then call out the cultivator in him as well!

www.marriagemission.com/category/for-married-men/

Making Peace With Your Past

2009-11-20T12:57:00.000-08:00

Many Christian singles can’t get over the past. Several years back, I went on a Christian singles retreat, where the topic at hand was making peace with your past. Christian single after Christian single shared their sad stories of how a bad past experience, a soured relationship or a sexual sin had held them back from living victoriously in the present.

Although many Christian singles there that weekend desired a serious dating relationship leading toward a Christian marriage, few were even in a relationship, unable to get over the pain and fears that were actually keeping them single.

God’s Plan for Christian Singles

God’s plan for His dear children (Christian singles included) is that they lead abundant and joyful lives. In truth, however, some Christian singles walk defeated, unfulfilled lives. If you are one of those Christian singles today who is having a difficult time making peace with your past, take cheer! There IS hope for you.

The steps I learned on that retreat about “getting over” my past issues, I share with you:

Face Your Past and Leave it There

As Christian singles, this often means asking forgiveness if you’ve hurt someone, including God, or granting forgiveness if you’ve been the victim. Forgiveness is a wonderful healing salve that not only allows us to face our past honestly, but help us bring emotional closure, and move on. They key is Forgiveness and Forgiving arechoices Christian singles have to make. No one can force it on you. That’s a hard lesson, ain’t it?

Share With Others

That was the whole purpose of our Christian singles weekend. Sharing with others in a safe setting like a Christian singles group helps you keep perspective and can be very encouraging at the same time.

Believe God’s Promises

The Bible tells us that we can do all things through Christ, our risen Saviour. He wants to renew our spirits with His precious Holy Spirit, and helps us leave the past behind. The issue is whether or not we believe Him. Our Bible Verse of the day is found in Philipians 3:13,14:

“Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, 14 I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God has called me heavenward, through Christ Jesus."

Dating After Divorce

2009-11-16T12:58:00.000-08:00

Dating after divorce for Christians is wrought with theological and emotional minefields. So before discussing dating tips for the newly divorced, let us express our simple views on what we feel the Bible teaches about divorce and remarriage. A future article will discuss this in depth.The bottom line is God hates divorce (Mal. 2:16), and desires couples to reconcile if at all possible. However, under certain circumstances where there has been unrepentant infidelity, the offended party may divorce and remarry. Of course, no one remarries without first going through a dating or courtship process.Finally, we believe dating after divorce should never be an end in itself, but should be part of a process that leads toward a lifelong commitment in marriage. Okay, ready to talk about some dating tips?

Dating After Divorce Tips

Take it Slow

Hello? You’ve just experienced the death of a relationship that you thought would last forever. You NEED time to grieve and heal. What we teach folks in Family Divorce Court classes is that they should do their best to avoid a dating after divorce relationship for at least one year after their divorce. Why?

Because you need to reacquaint yourself with who you are as a single person. For so long you may of thought in terms of “us”, but you are now alone. It’s a time for soul searching, taking stock of what went wrong and seeking the Lord for new direction in your life (Proverbs 3:5,6).

Not dating during this period of adjustment will save you from making stupid, impulsive mistakes. Remember, whether you admit it or not, you are in a vulnerable, needy state, and your self esteem has taken a beating. You could be taken advantage of during this time, and hearts could be further broken.

Even though you may be doubting your appeal to the opposite sex at this time, getting into rebound relationships will only delay your healing process. That’s a fact. Furthermore, statistics show that the vast majority of people who date shortly after a separation and/or divorce have a difficult time remaining sexually pure, make regrettable moral choices and tend to repeat prior relationship mistakes.

When you are finally ready to date again, you may want to consider the benefits of online dating. By starting online, you can proceed at your own pace in the safety of your own home.

Think of your children first

If you have children, the very worst thing you could inflict upon them is dating before you and they have properly healed and acclimated to a new way of life. Most kids dream about mommy and daddy getting back together again. That’s why they need time to face reality. When the time does come to introduce the children to your dating partner, this article on single parents dating and their kids may help.

Join a support group

There are many Christian singles groups specifically designed for the newly divorced, whether they have children or not. These can be a wonderful help to you and your family. Groups like DivorceCare.com meet all over the world and offer emotional and spiritual support. Here you can also meet people in your area who are struggling with similar dating issues.

http://christian-dating-service-plus.com/

Seasons Change. Will You? 8 Ways

2009-11-12T10:56:00.000-08:00

Fall is here! Fall is one of my favorite seasons because I get to enjoy the beauty of God’s creations as leaves change from bright yellows, to dark oranges and even deep reds, squirrels scurry to save food for the winter, and birds flee.
Fall is a season of change.
It’s a perfect time to re-evaluate our lives and see areas where we can
improve, or even change if necessary.
1. My attitude. I will change my attitude about life and how I define true happiness.
Happiness is not defined by my present circumstance, marital status, bank account, or
station in life, happiness is defined by simply knowing that my life and lifestyle
pleases my Master, Savior, and Creator, God. Happiness is defined by that inward witness
that comes with knowing I am at peace and at one with God, and knowing that God loves and
accepts me for who I am and that I love Him with an everlasting love because He first
loved me.
2. My outlook on life God has prepared and laid out a great future for me. The plans
He has for me are of peace and not evil, so that I can have an expected end.
The goodness God will bring to me during this season of change is to be expected,
because I realize that every good gift comes from above. As I continue to run to Him
in prayer and praise, seeking guidance and direction from above and not because of my own
selfish ambition, He will reveal His plans, purposes, and the secret things He has for my
life as long as I continue to have faith and believe that He wants what’s best for me and
has my best interest at heart.
3. My walk No longer shall I walk with my head down in shame feeling “less than”
because no one is claiming me as their significant other. I will change the way I walk.
I will walk with my head up and shoulders back, knowing that I am a child of the most
High God and part of a royal priesthood. I don’t have to settle for relationships with
unbelievers because whoever I walk with, we, two shall walk in agreement and harmony.
My relationships will compliment who am I and help bring out the best in me – the God in
me. If they don’t, and if they hinder me and my relationship with God, then I chose to
walk alone. Then again, with Him I’m never alone, and me and my God can walk alongside
each other, hand in hand, fulfilling His perfect will and the plan that He has for my
life.
4. My talk. I will change my words, which changes my environment and my outcome. I will
put away lying, swearing, and foolish, unfruitful conversations that only berate others.
I will no longer make negative confessions such as there are no good men out here, or
all the good ones are already taken; I will instead confess that there are plenty good
men out here and who God has for me is for me! I speak life over myself and others,
I see myself as God sees me, and I call myself wonderfully and fearfully made because He
says so. I am beautiful. I am a woman after God’s own heart. I am desirable. I am
lovely. I am all whom God says I am.
5. My mind I will continue to allow the Word of God to transform my thinking into the
way God thinks. No longer will I allow society or others dictate how I should formulate
my opinion on certain issues. As I read and meditate God’s Word, then His will becomes
my will. I love what He loves, and I hate what He hates. I hate lying because He hates
lying. I hate a proud tongue because He hates a proud tongue. I value and treasure life
because He values and treasures life. I hate sin because He hates sin. I will change
my mind and believe that God’s perfect will in regards to my life and relationships is
the best for my life because I believe Him and His Word to be true for me.
6. My perception of myself No longer will I perceive myself to be, “not wife material,” or not worthy of God’s love or love from someone else. I forgive myself and I
forgive others from past mistakes and pain, and I will go forward knowing that my past
does not define me nor dictate my future but that God defines me and determines my
destiny based on His Word. No longer will I be in bondage to past self perceptions or
self-esteem issues or perceived failures while growing up. I am free to forgive those
who hurt me or failed to teach me and lead by example, and I will allow the Comforter,
in the form of the Holy Ghost, to teach me how to become that virtuous woman and
eventually that virtuous bride who is a crown to her husband and will do him good and
not evil all the days of his life.
7. My relationship with God I will grow stronger and get closer to God with each
passing day. The more I read His Word, the more I become like Him. I will begin, and
not end my day with God. I will start off by praising and thanking Him, which will
lead into prayer. In my personal prayer closet where I normally meet with Him, I will
receive and fulfill instructions from Him which I will carry out to the full.
I treasure and protect my relationship with God more than any other relationship
in my life, and will put Him first in everything.
8. My destiny Day by day, as I seek His face and allow Him to order my steps, I
realize that with each day that I am one step closer to my destiny. I will not
participate in sin for a season which will cause my destiny to be placed on hold or
get off track, but I will continue forward in the plan that God has for my life,
remaining sensitive to the leading of the Holy Spirit and being prayerful about
every relationship along the way. In doing this, my destiny will become His destiny,
and the ultimate plan for my life, and I have joy knowing that my path is like a
shining light, that shineth more and more, brighter and clearer unto the perfect day.
Recite This Over Yourself Today!
Scripture References:
1. 1 John 4:19
2. Jeremiah 29:11, James 1:17
3. 1 Peter 2:9, 2 Corinthians 6:14, Amos 3:3
4. Ephesians 4:22-27, Psalm 139:14
5. Romans 12:2, Proverbs 6:16-19
6. John 14:26, Proverbs 12:4, Proverbs 31:12
7. Psalm 63:1
8. Psalm 119:133, Hebrews 11:24-25, Proverbs 4:18
Kim Brooks

Christian Singles Secrets

2009-11-09T15:04:00.000-08:00

Many Christian singles walk around with the burden of carrying personal secrets bottled up deep in their hearts. Whether the secrets are unconfessed sexual sins, painful memories, regrets, shame-filled experiences or totally whacked out thoughts, God did not design us to deal with such raw issues by ourselves.

From the Garden, the Lord created mankind for intimate fellowship with no room for secrets. Adam’s hiding from God after eating of the fruit is the Bible’s first recorded secret. Do you ever wonder what God would have done if Adam and Eve confessed their little “secret” instead of hiding from their Lord? Anyway, we have been keeping secrets ever since, with negative consequences for ourselves and our relationships with others.

The Bible has a neat answer to secret keeping: It’s called confession. Over and over in Scripture, we see see a connection between honest confession and spiritual, emotional and physical healing:

If you confess your sins to God, He promises forgiveness and spiritual cleansing (1 John 1:9).
Lack of confession leads to physical and emotional turmoil; honest acknowledgement to God brings relief of guilt (Psalms 32-2-5).
While only God can forgive, He wants us to confess our sins to each other so that we may pray for each other and experience healing (James 5:6)

Only recently has modern psychology caught up with the Bible in terms of connecting private confession with physical, emotional and spiritual wellbeing. Dr. James Pennebaker, psychology professor at Southern Methodist University, documents a study which found that confessing our secrets can be good for the soul, lower blood pressure, lessen depression and increase your general sense of well being.

There is certainly no reason why we should not confess our secrets to our Lord, who loves (John 3:16) and sympathizes with us despite knowing all about us (Hebrews 4:13-15).

Despite the fact that confession leads to healing, there are many reasons why single Christians fail to confess secrets to others, whether they be a lack of an appropriate outlet, fear, embarrassment or unreal expectations from our own churches.

Masturbation Part II

2009-11-04T13:14:00.000-08:00

When you masturbate, you're actually allowing a spirit to arouse you. At the point of climax, you are out of control. Your spirit is wide open, and you don't know what spirit of perversion has jumped inside you. While you're operating in demonic activity through masturbation, there is nothing safe about it.

Once the act is finished, only your flesh has been satisfied. Whether you dwelt on thoughts of the past or went into the fantasy land of the future, the enemy has just expanded his corruption of your mind. If you are a virgin and you masturbate, you have also opened yourself up to be plagued by a sexual drive that is out of control-even if that drive is subconscious (I personally have experienced this myself when younger, so true and it was so out of control to the point where I wanted to chop my own head off, I had no peace in my mind, LadyA). The enemy will not stop tempting you until your fantasy becomes a reality. This is why we must be renewed in the spirit of our mind.

And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God. Romans 12:2

Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of god, and bring into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ. 2 Cor. 10:5

We must make sure that our thoughts line up with who Christ says we are. First of all, repent. Then, take those ungodly imaginations and thoughts and say, "Satan, I rebuke you in Jesus' name. I cast this thing out of my mind. I am operating with a pure mind and pure thoughts. According to the Word of God, I am going to let Christ's mind be in me."---J. Bynum 'No More Sheets' My Accident

Be Continued.....

Masturbation Part I

2009-11-02T12:21:00.000-08:00

Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. 1Cor.6:18

I define masturbation as a bait that the devil uses to master you. How does this sin get entrenched in a person's life? The most common way is to get involved with someone who is not God's will for your life. The ungodly acts you did together are engraved on your mind.

Now the mere memory entices you to indulge your flesh. It controls you constantly, even without the person being present. Satan laughs at this. He says, "I got you so hooked that I no longer need somebody to bring you down. I can send you to hell with the spirit of your own mind. I can cause you death by your own hands."

When many Christians are asked the question of whether or not masturbation is a sin or against the will of God, they are usually hard-pressed to find a direct Scripture reference prohibiting its practice. In response to that, I have a question. Is it possible for one to pleasurably engage in masturbation without the aid of pornographic material or without dwelling on imaginations that are contrary to the Word of God? The answer is absolutely not!

And if they right hand offend thee, cut it off, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell. Matthew 5:30

Now, read that Scripture again. If you were bound by masturbation and you heard Jesus preach that day, would you think? In my opinion, Jesus mad Himself very clear. Masturbation is sin, and it needs to be dealt with radically.

Many people feel that masturbation is just a physical release. But something happen in the spirit of your mind. Why you travel into the thought realm to such a depth that your body is aroused, you have tampered with demons. You have left the reality of today and transcended out of the natural and into the spiritual. If that spiritual realm is not God's realm, you have just exposed your spirit to a satanic realm that has more to offer than just sensation.--J. Bynum

To Be Continued......

Sexual Sins and Staying Pure

2009-10-29T16:13:00.000-07:00

Many of us struggle with sexual morality. Lets face it, staying sexually pure is one of the hardest things to do even for Christians. Statistics show that just as many Christians commit adultery or have premarital sex just as often as non believers. Many feel that it is impossible to stay pure in the eyes of God, and thats because it is-without God at least. God gives us the strength to do all things and we need to take advantage of this strength and self control that comes with our relationship with Jesus.

The bible warns us that any sin that you commit is against someone else except for sexual sins. Think about it. If you murder somebody, steal something, lie, or cheat you are sinning against another human. However if you lets say have sex before marriage then you have sinned against your own body. You have to deal with the pain and guilt of the fact that you took away your own purity. Also you may have had a child out of wedlock, or caught an STD. Now that definitely cannot happen from stealing.

The key is to ask God for self control. When you you do this, the Holy Spirit will give you what you need to stay pure. Nobody can do it alone, But with the Lord on your side, you can do anything, and you won’t end up sinning against yourself.

Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body.
1 Corinthians 6:18

Banish The Bogeymen

2009-10-25T17:27:00.000-07:00

Fears can bear a strong resemblance to that bogeyman under your bed that you used t worry about as a child-more shadow than substance, and more daunting for remaining unexamined. If you don't take positive steps to address them, fears can become a frequent or constant presence in your life and love.

Are you afraid of what's going to happen wit that big debt you and your partner have incurred? Do you worry about the health issues that you're observing in your parents and the potential ramifications might discover you're a phony in one way or another? All of these are real fears that may or may not be justified, but toting them around like an old backpack only gets you stressed and unhappy.

Before you can do anything constructive about a fear, you have to admit that it's there and give it a name. In the case of the unpaid debt, for example, are you afraid of losing everything and being ejected from house and home by debt collectors? Are you afraid of what the debt reveals about your or your partner's judgment or ability to provide? Perhaps you're afraid that others will find out that you don't have any financial substance. Giving your fear its true name is an essential step in getting beyond it.

Once you've seen the face of your bogeyman, it's possible to do something about it. In some cases, particularly when your fear has concrete sources, the next best step is to play out the possible scenarios and get further information. What are the bankruptcy laws in your state? Are there steps you can take now that will help you consolidate your debts? Suppose your friends find out. What do you honestly expect them to think or do? Do you really care about friends who would judge you for this.

Some fears have no real answers. Your father has a disease that has been shown to be hereditary in some cases. You fear that you may contract the disease, as well. Perhaps your fear can be allayed through more information, testing, or positive action. Facing the possibility of disability in the future with your partner and making contingency plans may help. In some cases, you may simply have to recognize that you don't know what will happen and choose to live fully and joyfully in the present.

There are frightening possibilities and uncertainties in every human life. We can live bondage to those fears, or we can face them, let them go, and make the most of every day that we're given.---Richard Carlson

Release and Restore: Forgiveness in Relationshipsl

2009-10-22T11:48:00.000-07:00

Have you ever given up on a relationship or noticed a difference in the way you connect with friends or your spouse because of an inability to get over past hurts and offenses? You have probably heard the saying "forgive and forget," but to someone who is upset after a challenging period in a friendship or marriage, this is often easier said than done. Many individuals use this phrase but do not understand the importance of its meaning to both the vitality of a relationship, and an individual's spiritual walk.

Unforgiveness and a refusal to let go of past hurts can haunt you for years. Imagine carrying around the fact that someone from your tenth–grade class embarrassed you in front of the entire school. Or, what if you find yourself having an "attitude" with your in–laws because you haven't gotten along in the past? Holding on to these types of situations actually hurt you more than they do the other person. It won't benefit you to remain angry with someone, instead, release the situation to God.

Relationships experience challenging times, but don't accept defeat by holding grudges and not releasing situations and people who have hurt you. Not only that, but the Word commands you to forgive others; it is a vital part of your spiritual walk. Matthew 6:14, 15 says, "For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses." God wants you to have every opportunity to receive His blessings and when you need it, His forgiveness. Don't block God's ability to do great things in your life because you find it hard to forgive someone else.
In the process of releasing past offenses, it is important to go beyond your feelings. Forgiveness isn't a feeling, it is something that you do by faith because in your emotions, you may not feel as if you have forgiven the person. However, don't let anything keep you from forgiving and forgetting. If you are a Christian, purposing to have a forgiving heart is a quality decision that you must make. Eventually, it should become second nature because it shows your respect and love for God and others.

Remember that you can always turn to God for help where your hurt feelings are concerned. Just as you would pray to Him for stability in your finances or peace in your home, pray to Him about the hurt that you feel. God is capable of not only healing your spirit of hurt and frustration, but He can also restore your relationships. He wants to see you make the effort to respond according to His Word—in love.

Forgiveness is necessary when attempting to build and strengthen relationships. Everyone, including you, makes mistakes and the act of forgiveness in itself is a relationship strengthener. Do not condemn yourself for finding it difficult to forgive, but know that every step you take toward walking in forgiveness demonstrates growth and maturity.

Your attitude is what can make the difference when it comes to repairing relationships that go through turbulent times. The urge to argue with someone who has wronged you or continue heated discussions only serves the purpose of keeping your focus on the negative. Nothing is accomplished by seeking to have the last word in an argument; it only satisfies your flesh. Oftentimes, in the aftermath of expressing how you really feel, more damage has been done and both you and the other person walk away with more negative emotions. On the flip side, communicating your thoughts and feelings in a positive way can provide a means for understanding, healing and forgiveness.

Don't live your life carrying around the burden of unforgiveness. Instead, sincerely let go of those things that have hurt you and make a decision in your heart to move forward. Break the cycle of being hurt and holding grudges by making a decision to resolve and release conflict, pain and anger. Decide never to revisit the issues. Instead of focusing on another person's faults, focus on how you can restore the relationship. Allow the Word of God to become your final authority and use it as a tool to bring healing and restoration in your life and in the lives of others.
Be sure to take advantage of the unlimited resources available via the Online Bookstore and Bible Study Center. You will find a wealth of information to help you grow spiritually and strengthen your walk with God.

Print © 2000-2009 Creflo Dollar Ministries. All Rights Reserved.

Girl Signs Of Flirting

2009-10-19T11:03:00.000-07:00

Written by a guy

Recognizing signs of flirting from Christian single gals is an important skill to master if you’re a guy are interested in dating. One clueless single Christan guy (every church has a few) told me he didn’t think he needed to know the signs of flirting because he didn’t think Christian girls flirted. Yeah, okay.

Girl Signs of Flirting

Since most gals give subtle signs of flirting, it’s important for a guy, especially if they’re love shy or lacking in confidence, to know he has a fighting chance of dating them, and not face rejection. Quite frankly, the fragile male ego would have a hard time with this.

Analyzing Signs of Flirting

Men, the following signs of flirting will help you how to tell if a girl is flirting with you. However, there are a few flirting tip disclaimers here.First, they taught us in seminary never to build a theology based on one Bible verse. Likewise, great care needs to be taken here not to get too excited when you observe just one sign of flirting in a woman. What are we saying? These signs of flirting should be looked at cumulatively.Secondly, make observe how the single girl of interest treats other men around her. If she treats everyone the same way, she may just have a flirtatious personality, and not necessarily have any special feelings for you.

Top Signs of Flirting

Well, without further ado, here are some of the top signs of flirting some of our readers have come up with:

Sign of Flirting #1:

She repeatedly glances in your direction

Say your in a christian singles group. Is she looking your way every time you take a peek her way? Prolonged eye contact is a pretty strong sign of flirting. Just look behind you to make sure she’s not spying some other hunk sitting right behind you!

Sign of Flirting #2:

She goes out of her way to “bump” into you

My one friend met his wife this way. She always found a way to cross paths with him, even if she had no reason to be in area.

Sign of Flirting #3:

You keep seeing that smiling face

If a girl is frequently smiling at you , it’s a good indication that she enjoys hanging around. Smiling back at her will disarm any fear she may have about pursuing the matter.

Sign of flirting #4:

She laughs at your stupid jokes

This is a good indication you have her interest, but just go easy on the one liners.

Sign of Flirting #5:

She approaches you in conversation

A sure-fire sign of flirting, this also means she is not the shy type. Warning: Now that you have her attention, don’t blow it by not knowing how to keep a conversation going strong.

Sign of Flirting #6:

She gives you a compliment

Since deep down most men are really insecure cravers of attention , women interested in dating would do much better if they threw more compliments a guy’s way.

Sign of Flirting #7:

She shows other positive body language signs

Boy language is a powerful tool women use when flirting with a man, and most know how to use this flirting sign to their advantage. Social scientists tell us 97% of communication is nonverbal in nature, so it’s very important for a guy to catch some of these signs of flirting:

twirling a finger through her hair as she looks your way

winking

discreet touching of your arm or knee

moving and leaning toward you when speaking

uncrossed arms and legs when facing you in conversation.

Overall, learning the above signs of flirting is only the first step toward successful dating. The next step includes facing any fears you may have about actually reaching out and asking the single girl out.

http://christian-dating-service-plus.com/

Conversation Starter

2009-10-13T09:45:00.000-07:00

Having good conversation starter skills are key to any successful dating or marriage relationship. Have you ever seen a dating couple enjoying a great conversation? You can just see and feel those sparks flying all over the place! Learning how to have good conversations with your potential soul mate will not only help you both grow closer, but will also make for a much more enjoyable dating experience.

Yet, how many of us seem at a loss when we try to start a conversation? Later on, we kick ourselves for not saying that funny thing or timely word. Duh! However, if you put into practice the following conversation starter tips for dating, you are on your way to succeeding in the future.

Conversation Starter Advice

Conversation Starter Tip 1: Don’t Hog the Ball!

We all hated that when we were kids, and as single adults we hate it when someone hogs a conversation. Remember, a good conversation starts with a dialogue, not a monologue. That means allowing your date to get in some of his or her thoughts as well.

Ever meet a person who asks you how you are doing, but then before you can open your mouth they spend the next 10 minutes droning on about their stuff? The bottom line is it’s boring and annoying all rolled into one, so don’t do it, okay?

Conversation Starter Tip 2: Show an Interest in Their Passion

Everyone enjoys speaking about themselves and their interests. So discover what your boyfriend or girlfriend is passionate about, and ask them sincere, open ended questions about the topic. You will see your date come alive, and a nice and easy flowing conversation will ensue. You may also find out something interesting and surprising about your single friend that you didn’t already know.

Conversation Starter Tip 3: Be Prepared with Topics

Think about some interesting topics to discuss from daily events, news or funny things that have happened to you recently. Just remember to avoid boring or controversial topics, like talking incessantly about the ex-girlfreind or boyfriend. This happens to be the number one complaint singles give about their dating partners.

Conversation Starter Tip 4: Give Them Undivided Attention

When you are having a conversation with your friend, make sure you concentrate solely on them. Look intently into their eyes while they are speaking. This not only makes them feel important, but will give them the impression that you really do care about what they are saying. And you do, right?

Conversation Starter Tip 5: Be Vulnerable

It’s hard to start a conversation with an overly guarded person. Hanging out with such a person is also a huge turnoff. Hey, we’re not saying you should be giving away your bank account number to strangers, but opening up your heart a little bit by sharing your feelings helps the other person relax, and makes them open to sharing as well.

Conversation Starter Tip 6: Understand Body Language

Did you know that 93% of communication is non-verbal? So when you are starting a conversation with your date, take cues from their body language to assess if you are communicating well.

Good signs to look for when having a conversation: Leaning forward to you, dilated pupils, revealing palms and wrists, smiling, or uncrossed arms and legs. As you might have guessed, a dating tipoff that your conversation is not going well would include: folded arms and/or legs, rolling eyes, smirks, yawns, leaning back and looking away from your eye contact. A smart communicator will gauge body language, and adjust their conversation accordingly.

I’m sure there are many other conversation starter tips we haven’t shared. Feel free to share and help others if you have any other conversation dating tips.

LIFE'S SECRETS

2009-10-08T12:40:00.000-07:00

1.Read Each One Carefully & Think About It a Second or Two

2. No man or woman is worth your tears, & the one who is, won't make you cry.

3. Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.

4. A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand & touches your heart.

5. The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right beside them knowing you can' t have them

6. Never frown, even when you are sad, because you never know who is falling in love with your smile.

7. To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world.

8. Don't waste your time on someone, who isn't willing to waste their time on you.

9. Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one, so that when we finally meet the person, we will know how to be grateful.

10. Don't cry because it is over, smile because it happened.

11. There's always going to be people that hurt you so what you have to do is keep on trusting & just be more careful about who you trust next time around...

12. Make yourself a better person & know who you are before you try & know someone else & expect them to know you.

13. Don't try so hard, the best things come when you least expect them to.

WHATEVER HAPPENS, HAPPENS FOR A REASON

author unknown

Tips for the Single Again Christian

2009-10-05T14:05:00.000-07:00

Single Again Tip #1: Guard Your Heart

Recently single-again women and men have a void in

their lives that cries out for filling. They are also not thinking clearly. Additionally, they are especially open to making bad dating decisions, falling prey to sexual impurity and/or emotional “predators” The Bible warns us, “Above all else, guard you heart, for it is the wellspring of life.” (Proverbs 4:23)

The very last thing a recently single-again person needs during this time is to be taken advantage of sexually and/or have her or his heart broken all over again. That’s why most Christian and secular counselors recommend a time of up to one year after becoming single again that people not date. A single Christian parent dating with kids should be especially careful, since it’s not only their lives they are effecting, but the little ones’ as well.

Single Again Tip #2: Guard Your Wallet

Most recently single-again women (and to a lesser extent, men) have great anxiety and fear about how they will make ends meet. For Christian single parents, both custodial and non-custodial, financial stress over child support can also loom l

arge.

Let’s face it, when under financial stress, it’s easy for anybody to panic, and seek out quick fixes that can to can turn out badly. A clear mind with sound financial planning and budgeting can help at this time.

In this regard online help is available at Crown Financial Ministries. This international Christian organization offers free help on budgeting, with savings tips and internet radio broadcasts that recently single-again Christians would find helpful.

Single Again Tip #3: Guard Your Spirit

Becoming single again is a stressful thing because of the uncertainty and added responsibilities. Singles of all sorts would definitely benefit by reading some tips on how to reduce stress in their lives.

Also, since the recently single-again person can very easily feel isolated, plugging into a Christian singles support group where support , understanding and encouragement are offered would be beneficial toward the renewing of your spirit.

http://christian-dating-service-plus.com/blog/

Fight to Support Your Man- Never to Keep Him

2009-09-29T14:07:00.000-07:00

Loving a man requires that you know exactly when to be "hands on" in demonstrating that love, and when to be "hands off." Although you may sometimes find it difficult to decide on which one when, the two are not mutually exclusive. You do well to do both.

There are some things that are best done standing up and some sitting down. Supporting him is one of the former, trying to keep him is one of the latter. Often, women who love men invest far too much time and effort in just trying to keep them, rather than working to build a relationship that is strong and mutually affirming.

The motivation to claw, scratch, or maim any other woman to ensure that your man stays your man comes from a fearful, insecure part of your being. The inspiration to support and champion his cause comes from millennia of accumulated strength and power, there inside your soul. You are always at your best when you walk in power rather than fear. Let your power be used to fortify him and under gird him, not just to constrain him to stick around.

Do everything you can to make him a constant witness of your willingness to let him draw from the pools of your strength.

You are worth more than having a man who sticks around only because he "should," "ought to," and "must." You deserve one who's there with you because that's exactly where he wants to be. Your loving and supportive ways can be powerful motivators for him to remain committed to love and gladly linger with you. Too often, listless lovers use the threat of their imminent departures to exploit, frighten, or control their women. Give him a surprise. Let him know, "I'd love you to stay, but if you've got to go, go!"

Say it: "It is not mine to fight anyone or anything to keep the man I love. Keeping power in inside his love for me, not inside my anger or my fear.

Do it: If you were your own therapist, what insights relate to you, and how you operate with the men in your life.---Ronn Elmore

Retrain the Knee-Jerk Reactions

2009-09-27T15:11:00.000-07:00

Any pattern repeated often enough-whether physical, mental, or even emotional-can become second nature. In sports, this can make for a winning game. In the world of emergency medical response, it can spell the difference between life and death. But in relationships, it can lead to trouble.

Many people have developed certain knee-jerk reactions. Sometimes they originate in childhood, at the hands of difficult parents, in light of traumatic relationships with other children, or in response to certain teachers. At other times, they grow out of adult experiences. They may have nothing to do with your history with your mate, or they may actually reflect past history with her. In any case, knee jerk reactions have a nasty habit of either doing an injustice to an innocent person on the receiving end , or perpetuating destructive patterns with someone who played a part in your learned response.

Look for glib insults. Take not of quick jabs to the gut. Beware of instant steam. These are red flags of knee-jerk reactions. They happen predictably and instantly to certain stimuli-particular comments, actions, or situations.

Whether you identify a knee-jerk reaction in yourself or your mate, don't let it go. Point it out and talk about it. Get to the bottom of it, and make or accept the necessary apologies to clear the air. Give it enough attention so that you can no longer react in that way without thought. You might find it helpful to agree on a signal when the reaction crops up again-something that can remind you that you both know what is really happening and are moving beyond it together. Then look for new, positive responses to replace the knee-jerk reactions.---Richard Carlson, Ph.D.

Loving When It Hurts

2009-09-23T10:56:00.000-07:00

Did you know God expects you to love others unconditionally, even if they've hurt you? I know loving someone who has hurt you is hard; however, it's what God expects, which is why He has deposited His love in your heart. God's love gives you the ability to love the unlovable. His love gives you the power to love through hurt, pain, and any other circumstances your normal love would not be able to withstand.

Let's face it, hurt is a very real part of life. Everyone has experienced hurt at some point. However, it's important not to allow hurt to cause you to become bitter, or prevent you from loving others. Although it may temporarily feel good to stop loving someone who has hurt you, it will eventually lead to heartache, unanswered prayer, and ultimately, destruction; which is why God commands us, above all else, to never stop loving.

Did you know every law in God's Kingdom works by love? Your prosperity, healing, and deliverance, are all directly affected by your ability to love. God is love, and His power to prosper, heal, and deliver you operates in the circle of love. When you operate outside that circle, you put yourself in a position where God, who is love, cannot help you. Learning how to heal and forgive so you can stay in the circle of love, is vital to receiving the wonderful things God has for you.

Maybe you've been hurt by a dear friend, or treated unfairly by a close relative. Either way, you've got a life—altering choice to make—either deal with your pain in a godly manner and continue to walk in love, or allow negative emotions to consume you, and ultimately destroy your life. The choice is yours!

When you choose to walk in love, you position yourself to experience the power of God in every area of your life. He has the power to heal you of all hurt, and free you from the pain associated with it. However, you have to believe and trust Him to not only heal you, but also restore everything you've lost.

God is faithful to His Word. Make a decision today, that regardless of what it takes, you will love others unconditionally. You'll be glad you did!
— Dr. Creflo A. Dollar

Scripture references:
Mark 11:25
James 5:16
1 Corinthians 13
Psalm 35:27
Luke 10:19
Ephesians 6:12
Romans 5:5

Take A Risk A Day (But Be No Fool)

2009-09-21T11:10:00.000-07:00

Loving someone is risky business. Taking risks is scary because we are not absolutely sure what the outcome will be . There are, you may argue, so many ways to get hurt in relationships with men or women, and you may wonder "why in the world would I heighten the chances by taking any risks on purpose?" In loving, the failure to take calculated risks provides you a sense of safety and security. Too much safety and security keeps things the way they are-the boring, stagnant status quo-no growth, no progress, no change. It's a safe way to live, and it's a sorry way too.

Taking a risk a day involves stretching your limits, testing the possibilities, and walking through your fears. It's making wise choices about what the next courageous move is for you to make in a loving relationship with your partner. It involves a willingness to put up something dear to yourself (like your time, your feelings, your insecurities, your ego) for a possible loss, or for the sake of great potential gain.

In your case, it may be as simple as mustering up the courage to speak to her or him where you've previously been silent. Or as complex as making a decision in your relationship that is as much from your heart as from your head. Risk-taking means daily taking another courageous step toward the kind of love-and lover-that you truly desire.

Risk-taking doesn't mean going for reckless, impulsive leaps off of love's diving board. That's being foolish and self-defeating. Rather, I am challenging you to "show up for your life," and cast off your procrastination and obsessive self-protection to do what feels right-if only you weren't so safe, secure, and terrified.

Take the risk of letting some man see who you really are, behind the mask, and under your layers of protection.

Take the risk of going for your first choice, rather than settling for your second, or third, or fourth...

Take the risk of living as if what other people think about you is their business, and not yours at all.

Take the risk of saying, "Yes. I think I will. I'm worth it." Or, "No more. I won't. I'm worth more than this."

The beauty of risk-taking is that some of your risks will return to you far more than you invested. Others may flop and go absolutely nowhere. Whichever the case, by taking the risk you will have strengthened your courage muscles just a little bit more.

Say it: "Too much safety and security can seduce me into stagnation. Stagnation is unacceptable to me. I want to reap the rewards that can only be mine by taking some wise risk today."

Do it: What is one necessary risk you must take to establish or enhance your relationship with the person you desire or already have? What is one risk-taking "baby step" that you would take today, if only you weren't afraid?Take that step today anyway.---Ronn Elmore

Commit to Who He Is Now, Not Who You Hope He'll Become

2009-09-17T07:37:00.000-07:00

Loving your man's potential more than you love who he is now is relationship sabotage. Beware. You may be despising the frog, while waiting on the prince who may never appear. Take a good hard look at the man in your life, or the one trying to find his way in. You don't have to have a relationship with him if the way he is not acceptable to you. But if you take him, take him because you can love him as he is today.

Don't deny or abandon your hopes for his positive personal development, or even future transformations in his life. "Change," "Improvement, " and "Progress" are not four letter words.

Do, however, recognize that change in another human beings is something you may influence, but something you cannot produce. Him changing is up to him.

Men (and every other variety of the human species) change and grow when they hunger for it, not when you (or anyone else) has that hunger for them. Ask and answer this crucial question: Can I, will I, love and live life with this man, if in all our tomorrows he stays exactly the way he is today?

Take a moment for an honest look inside. What do you really believe?

The Easy Lie: "I can love him enough to make him change."

The Hard Truth: "I can love him enough that he feels free to choose to change."

The Easy Lie: "If I teach him a better way, he'll do it/say it/ it that way."

The Hard Truth: "If I teach him a better way, he might not see it as better at all."

One of the paradoxes of real life is: Men are most willing to "become" when they feel accepted as they come.

Say it: "I have every right to want what I want and who I want. But I have neither the ability nor the need to change him. I can choose to accept what he is today-and I reserve the right to choose not to (and move on)."

Do it: Ask yourself: "Do I take responsibility to make those I love change? When did I start? What motivates me to do that? What will I do about it? Write it. Sign it. Do it.---Ronn Elmore

2009-09-14T06:02:00.000-07:00

What you have to do in order to attract the right person is be the right person because a lot of the relationships we end up in are really the reflection of what is going on inside of us. When you keep meeting these jerks and you think, Why am I always…? That is the level that you think you deserve, and you haven't dealt with that yet. I am now, I think, at a good place. I don't attract those types of people anymore because I know what my world consists of, I know what I have to contribute, and I know that I would be a valuable asset in a man's life.

When a man comes into my world, he senses that and he makes his own decisions based on do I deserve her or not. I no longer have to make those types of decisions. But most women don't know their own value, and they don't know their own value because they are not doing anything with their lives. Basically, they think they are deserving of nothing, which is not true in the eyes of God. But it would be truer for them if they were motivated by using their gifts, blessing other people, and doing things that when they lay their heads down at night, they felt like they really accomplished something, that they had contributed something great to the world for the day.---Michelle Hammond

How To Propose To A Woman

2009-09-08T06:00:00.000-07:00

ANNOUNCEMENT: Check out this propsal on Ross Knight's Blog

Proposing can be one of the most unforgettable moments -- so why not make it a moment that she'll never forget.

Think first. Is this a person that you really want to spend the rest of your life with? If so, read on.

Ask her parents for permission. This can be extraordinarily important to her and her family. Always think of her. However, she may not be the kind of woman who likes this old-fashioned traditionalist approach, so if she doesn't, don't do it. You should know her well enough by now.

Think of her favorite things. For example, does she love roses, beaches, etc.? Have some on hand or choose a site where she will see her favorite things. For instance, where is a place that she loves most? Make reservations if needed.

Look for a ring. Ask her mom or best friend what her ring size is. If you don't know, get a temporary ring, and then get another after you propose.

Be in your best suit.Dress well and good if you want to look attractive and handsome.

Double-check everything. Make sure you have all the things you need for your plan to go smoothly.

Write down something short and sweet to say. For example, say "I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you." Make sure you write it.

Don't practice. You may feel nervous, but you don't want it seem like it was rehearsed.

Set everything up and ask her to come to a romantic place where you could propose her.

When you're ready, get down on one knee and ask "Will you marry me?" Be prepared for her to start crying and/or squealing with delight and surprise. She is just excited! Also tell her how much you love her and how much you care.

If she says yes, end the proposal with a kiss or a hug. If she says no, do not react poorly. She may need time to think and a memory of your sour face and grumpy attitude will leave a bad impression in her mind. Be a gentleman.

TIPS

Talk to her about it. If you really think that you can be together for the next 50 years, you can talk about things like marriage. Make sure that she wants to marry you

Originality is awesome, but don't go overboard.

If possible, set up a video camera or ask someone to take pictures. These will be great to show to family members and friends.

If you are really clueless, ask her best friend(s) or mother.

Have her pick out 3-5 rings that she would really like as an engagement ring. Every jewelry store said this was a good idea because even if she likes every aspect of the ring, she may still not care for how it is put together.

Evenings are better for proposals as it makes everything romantic.

WARNINGS

Don't worry if she says "No" or "I'll have to think about it" - this is a big step.

Don't throw up if she says yes it isn't attractive, or cute. I know you are nervous but just don't do it.

http://www.wikihow.com/Propose-to-a-Woman

Who's Your Crew?

2009-09-03T10:42:00.001-07:00

There's an old saying, "Birds of a feather flock together," and I believe this statement to be true for the most part.As a single Christian who is striving to live a holy and sexually pure lifestyle, it is important to examine your friendships and relationships because who you hang around on a consistent basis and who you allow to speak into your life influences you - whether you would like to believe it or not.

For example, let's say just this past Sunday you went to the altar and recommitted your life to Christ, and then made a decision to live a lifestyle that pleases God by remaining celibate until marriage.

It can become more of a challenge to pursue holiness and righteousness in Christ if all your closest friends do is sit around and talk about their latest relationship and how good it was when they got some the other night. Listening to them may cause you to be tempted to call your old boo to see what he's been up to.

I'm not saying ditch all your friends if they're not saved - you do have the ability to influence them in a positive way by encouraging them to live for Christ, however what I'm speaking of is your closest friends, or your core crew...those whom you confide in, share your hopes and dreams with, and those who know you more than anyone else. You want this crew to motivate you to go further in the things of Christ as iron sharpens iron. You want this crew to, if you ever have a pity party and feel bad about being single, call you and be assured that they won't judge you but will share the Word of God and encourage you to wait on the Lord with joy knowing you're running this race together.

Some of you may say, even Jesus ate with sinners...but what was his purpose for dining with them? His purpose of being with them was so he could be a light and share the gospel message with Him as He said, "...They that are whole have no need of the physician, but they that are sick: I came not to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance." (Mark 2:17)

Jesus' main crew were 12 disciples who hung with him as they preached the gospel with signs following.

Jesus did not conform to the world or other influences, He influenced them. However, if you're struggling in an area - let's say sexual temptation, you don't want your core crew to consist of those who see, "nothing wrong" with single Christians having sex - instead of influencing them they may end up influencing you!

So today, take the time to examine your relationships.

While we can't choose our family (whom we love dearly), we have the ability to choose our friends and significant other.

When it comes to the things of God, you're either growing spiritually or decreasing in your spiritual walk with Christ - there is no in between.

If you have friends that are pulling you down and discouraging you from living for Christ on a daily basis by constantly telling you, "It don't take all that!" determine if you want to continue the friendship, or have them as an acquaintance instead of a core part of your crew.

If you're in a relationship with someone who insists on having sex before marriage despite your commitment to Christ and your decision to wait until marriage before having sex again, you may want to cut off that relationship because only through prayer and God working on their hearts do folks change their ways.

You want your core crew to consist of friends who believe like you believe when it comes to saving sex until marriage so that you both are assured that you're not alone in your desire to please God.

Where can you find good Christian friends? Start at your church home. The more you volunteer and serve at your church, the more likely you are to meet other like-minded individuals. Ask God to send true Christian friends into your life, and introduce yourself to others. The Word says, "A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly..." (Proverbs 18:24) So be friendly, and let newly found friendship progress naturally. God will honor your desire to please Him by surrounding yourself with others who love Him like you do.

Because when it all boils down to it, as a single Christian pleasing God should be your #1 priority, and when your life please God, He'll be sure and please you.
Much love in Christ, Kim Brooks

Looking To Find A Christian Wife

2009-08-31T13:28:00.000-07:00

Ever wonder how many single guys out there are actually looking to find a Christian wife? I would think many Christian single women in the market for a husband would be interested in knowing the number of Christian men hoping to find a Christian wife. Well we are too, and that’s one reason why our up and coming singles survey will try to quantify the different number of Christian single men looking to find a Christian wife, those looking to simply find a date and those not seeking a mate or date at all.

Lack of Biblical Guidance on How to Find a Christian Wife

Unfortunately, there is no specific dating advice in the Bible on how to find a wife, and you certainly won’t find dogmatic teaching on this subject. For example, in 1 Corinthians 7:27 Paul writes, “Are you unmarried? Do not look for look to find a wife. But if you do marry, you have not sinned…”Although there is no “how to find a wife” playbook in the Scriptures, you will find general advice on topics such as waiting on the Lord, that would be applicable in your search to find a Christian wife.

Bible Verse of Day

“He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord.”Proverbs 18:22 Dear Father, we pray for my dear brothers in Christ who are seeking a suitable helpmate. We pray for their peace and strength as they wait on you. I thank you that you promise to provide all of our needs in your perfect time. In Jesus’ Name, Amen

author unknown

Is Eloping For You?

2009-08-28T12:48:00.000-07:00

So many times in the wedding process, a frazzled bride will exclaim "We should just elope!" But few actually go through with it. Given the high cost of a wedding, and the prominence of celebrities eloping, this might be an option worth considering.

Before you decide to elope, you should carefully consider the pros and cons.

Reasons to Elope
Most couples who elope say that they want to save money. The cost of running away for an intimate wedding and honeymoon typically costs tens of thousands dollars less than a traditional wedding. They also say that they don't want the hassle of months of wedding planning. They may also be avoiding family arguments, especially if one partner's parents disapprove of their choice of spouse, or if a divorced set of parents can't stand to be in the same room together. There's something old-fashioned and romantic about the idea of running off to City Hall. And of course, the stereotypical Las Vegas bride is looking for spontaneity and a fun thrill.

Reasons Not to Elope
You'll be missing out on celebrating with dear friends and family and some may be miffed that you didn't include them. Mothers of the bride especially tend to have hurt feelings when they find out that their daughters didn't invite them to their wedding. If your parents already don't approve of your fiance, this might be the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back, and your new husband may never have a good relationship with the family. You'll also be missing out on the chance to fulfill your wedding dreams. Some report that after eloping, they always think about the wedding they never had. You might also miss the opportunity to reconnect with friends and loved ones who live far away, but would come for a wedding. And of course there are the pictures and memories you'll miss– instead of looking back on pictures of yourself in a beautiful setting surrounded by loved ones, you might have only a few pics of yourself in an impersonal city hall.--unknown author

Lady A's Take On Eloping
It's all about the intentions of it all. Ask yourself "why?" would you want to elope. Are they good Godly intentions or wrong motives? Are you really that much of a private person, are you hiding, sneaking? What is the main reason for this major decision? Or is the marriage an arrangement so one can get benefits, ie. health insurance, green card, school scholarships, etc...
If your answer is to get benefits, then you need to find another way to go about getting what you need the right way. Ask God for guidance and seek His wisdom. You could save yourself from a lifetime of confusion and regret.
Remember, No matter what the circumstance was of why you got married, God HONORS marriage. Once you say the vows, God expects us to keep and honor them in our heart. No tapping out (divorce).

My story is a bit long, but I married for the wrong reasons:
#1. I was pregnant
#2. It was what my parents/grandparents wanted (I didn't want it!)
I was trying to please my strick Christian family. They kept saying over and over, "it's better to marry then burn." I had to take what was given to me, so I felt. I regret so much because we eloped. I missed out on a once in a lifetime beautiful event with family and friends. The ceremony was quick and in my grandmother's living room (she was a pastor). Family and friends were upset with us, but I didn't feel like explaining. I was upset too.

If I was strong enough, I would have told my parents that I wanted to wait and finish college and if it's meant to be then we'll marry. That would have given me time to sort it all out and know what I wanted. I would have enjoyed my single life and matured even more.
However all is well and God is good. I don't have any regrets of the past anymore. I had to let it go and release it. God gave me the grace to live with my decision and He'll do it for you too. I can honestly say that I enjoy my marriage. It's been crazy, but I have learned a lot that has help others. AMEN!

Take Your Time-Slow Down, Don't Rush

2009-08-25T12:20:00.000-07:00

Where is an unfortunate tendency on the part of the whole human race to rush things that we delight in most. If it's good, we want it right now or, better still, yesterday. Some of life's very best stuff is stuff we want to have, handle, and hold quick, fast and in a hurry. We go to Christmas parties in November, we much popcorn that takes only seconds to pop, we rush to wear today what we can't pay for until next year. Love is a good thing, and if you're not careful, it too will become a rushed thing. Take your time.

At every stage of a love relationship with a person, you'll need to work hard to avoid "microwave madness," the frantic rush to meet "him or her" today and get to the "happily ever after" part by tomorrow. Slow down. Give them, yourself, and your relationship the chance to develop deeper roots, and a sturdier foundation than can be produced overnight.

This is no call to procrastinate, meander, or retreat. Unnecessary delay is not your friend. Don't stop any positive forward movement, but don't rush so much that you miss all the sweet, progressive steps along the way, speeding to the finish line.

You are rushing way too fast f you spend more time worrying about how long the kind of love you want is taking than enjoying the kind of love you already have.

Don't be alarmed of Mr. or Mrs. Right didn't jet into your life today. Maybe he or she is on the way by boat, or bus, or bike. Be patient.

Don't lose our calm if head-over-heels love didn't bloom this season, or if rebuilding a fallen love takes more than a day, a week, or a month.

Decide you will slow down and wait. Don't get obsessed with arrival at the destination, savor the thrill of the ride.

Say it: "A deep, rich, satisfying love that can be counted on to endure is what I want. It's not available in instant, ready-mixed, or quick-drying forms. I can, I will, I must slow down."

Do it: Identify the area of your love life about which you have the most anxiety and the biggest tendency to rush. List on paper the fear (s) you have that tempt you to rush. For a week or longer, set a specific time of the day to worry about that. Worry then and there only. Outside of that time, force yourself to slow down and be calm about it.---Ronn Elmore

Find Reasons to Say Thank You

2009-08-23T12:44:00.000-07:00

When you love someone, you want that person to feel secure in your love and enjoy the peace that comes with that security. You you also want to know that you are appreciated, remembered, and understood. You want to hear "please" at the beginning of a request, and "thank you" in the wake of a kindness. Courtesy sends the message that you matter deeply to your mate. It is a way to demonstrate recognition that another person deserves your notice and respect.

Examine your current patterns and make adjustments. For starters, don't make it a habit to throw out the courtesies with the formalities. It's just as easy to relax when you remember to say please and thank you as when you don't. Taking on a mate means that you have two sets of sensibilities and requirements to keep in mind at all times. And part of keeping your mate in mind is demonstration that you love and care through your thoughtfulness.

Different people of different backgrounds and upbringings may interpret courtesy in a variety of ways. Part of respecting your mate involves learning and respecting the courtesies that are especially meaningful to that partner. You can certainly practice the good manners that you find important for yourself, but broaden your horizons to include those that your partner cares about, as well.

Most of all, actively seek out opportunities to show courtesy to your mate. Notice just how many ways, great and small, your mate looks our for your feelings and interests, mention them, and say thank you. It doesn't matter if what your mate is doing is part of the deal you've negotiated with one another. The choice to be faithful to the agreement is itself worthy of thanks.---Ricahard Carlson

Christian Single Men and Lust

2009-08-20T07:47:00.000-07:00

All Christian single men battle lust of the flesh from time to time. In fact, let’s just make that ALL guys, whether they be single men or married men, Christian or non-Christian. One single man pal of mine said if his girlfriend ever knew his thoughts, she would never stop slapping him! Listen, men struggle with lust, and any single man who says otherwise is just lying out of fear, manipulative motives, embarrassment or a combination of the three.The reaction of most single women reading the above about single men may vary:

Some may feel disgusted or discouraged that all single men lust.
Some may be thinking their single men is not like all the rest they’re dating them (um…dream on)
Some may feel so uncomfortable discussing the single men and lust topic that they prefer to ignore it by invoking the Too Much Information (TMI) rule when the subject comes up.

Unfortunately, none of the above reactions will help a single gal really understand and connect with a single men, let alone help him in any way.

Single Men Need Help

What Christian single men really need is an environment of open communication and compassionate counsel that will help him nip lust in the bud. The following verse needs to be in practice for single men to have a chance at conquering lust in their lives:

Bible Verse of Day “Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted. Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.” Galations 6:1,2 Unfortunately, since many evangelical churches encourage a culture of denial and secrecy, many single men suffer silently, and receive no help at all.

Hope for the Christian Single Man

Fortunately, single men who are dedicated Christians have it way over all other single men. The first reason for this is that they have a real desire to please Jesus. The second reason for hope is that Christian single men have the Holy Spirit living in them, who also gives them the power to fulfill their godly intentions.--unknown author

6 Dating Advice Tips on Break Ups and Ending a Relationship

2009-08-17T06:41:00.001-07:00

Ask the Lord for wisdom ( see James 1:5)

As a single Christian, praying for guidance and wisdom in the matter of a break up should be the very first course of action before making any dating decisions. You will be less likely to make a mistake if you do so.

Discuss the break up possibility with family and friends

God often leads through our parents’ dating advice, even if they are not Christians. Proverbs teaches that there is wisdom in using a multiplicity of counselors, so also discuss the possibility of a break up with trusted Christian friends. They may very well give you some much needed advice that helps you make a decision, or puts the relationship in a completely different light. Be sure to use these valuable resources.

Be honest, but speak the truth in love (Ephesians 4:15)

Never bash your dating partner personally, which will only hurt them even more and affect their self worth for quite some time. Do you really want to do that? Instead, tenderly explain why you feel God’s leading you to end the relationship. As you do this, remember the “Golden Rule”, and how it would feel if someone was breaking up with you. While face to face conversation allows for far better closure, if that is not possible, a handwritten letter is the next best thing. A typed or emailed “Dear John” letter is seen as cold and mean.

Don’t delay the inevitable

Okay, you’ve prayed over the break up. You’ve discussed the issues with family, minister and friends. You know what you need to do. Delaying the obvious now will not only cause more pain for both of you, but will delay the healing process. By acting now, you give the Lord opportunity to begin leading both of you to the soulmates He has in mind. Many delay break ups because they may be using the other person until “something better” comes along. Another reason for delayed break ups is that the other person is manipulating by putting the person who wants the break up on a “guilt trip” to remain in an unhealthy dating situation.

Make a clean break

Right, this is going to be hard, but you must be strong here because it is in the best interests of both to move forward. This means after the break up there should be no face to face meetings (if possible), no emails, telephone calls, letters, etc. While some couples may agree to remain friends, the data suggests that in over 90% of breakups, this fails miserably, and only lengthens the healing process.

Learn from the dating experience

Use this dating experience to learn from your mistakes, and build on the future. What has the Lord taught you about yourself? What has he taught you about what you need in a husband or a wife? If you’ve sexually sinned in this relationship, remember Jesus forgives and cleanses (1John 1:9). Finally, thank Him for the bright plans He has for you (Jer. 29:11).---author unknown

Pursue Him Because You Want Him, Not Because You Need Him

2009-08-13T11:32:00.000-07:00

Forget tradition, forget what Mama told you or what fear led you to believe. The truth of the matter is: THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU MAKING THE FIRST MOVE. But make that move because you want to, not because you've got to. You see him. You like him. You want him. You purse him. Sometimes getting together will be because of you efforts. That's okay. Staying together will be because of both of you.

The most self-defeating misbelief that you could ever hold is that you need a man to call your own in order to survive. You need air. You need food. You need water. As desirable as being loved by a man may be, you don't need to one to survive. If you think you do, you'll act accordingly. If you do that you;ll cheapen your worth as an individual. And, if you do that you are living a miserable and tragic lie.

The love and companionship of a good man may be highly prized by you. You have great expectations of how you (and he) will be better for having come together. Acting upon a desire to have him in your life can have very constructive results. Acting upon a false sense of need to have him in your life is bound to lead to destructive ends.

The women who are happiest with their mean are the ones who can also be happy without them. They recognize that a relationship with him enriches and embellishes her life. It doesn't give her life.

Go for him, but pursue him as you would pursue gold-in order to thrive-not in the way you'd pursue water-in order to survive!

Say it: "The steps that i take toward a man come from desire, not necessity. It is not feverish pursuit of what I need to have, but a deliberate advance toward who I want to have."

Do it: Talk to a few of your sister friends about what the look, feel, and results of need-based love and desire based love are. Apply rigorous honesty as you take stock of yourself on this issue.--Dr. E. Elmore

Quick Announcement For Anonymous

2009-08-12T12:14:00.000-07:00

Anonymous, you left me a comment only for my eyes. Please give me your email address through anyone of my blogs. As you know, the comment with your email add. will not be published. Sorry it took so long, but I was getting some R&R. Hope to hear from you soon!

Alright everyone! Back to the program, I miss you guys!

Touch Promotes Physical Intimacy

2009-08-04T11:59:00.000-07:00

The experience of physical intimacy is a basic need for every one of us! Physical closeness is a prerequisite for every healthy individual.

Touch

relieves stress

makes us happier and healthier

allows an easy avenue to give and receive affection

strengthens every personal relationship

We are all familiar with people referring to the need for our daily dose of vitamins: it’s every bit as true concerning physical intimacy! Single or married, we all need a daily dose of physical closeness and touch! Sexual intimacy is developed and heightened through sexual touching, part of foreplay. The focus in this article is on non-sexual touching; sexual touch will be discussed in another article.

Touching that promotes closeness between family and friends happens through handshakes, putting an arm-around-the shoulder, reaching out to touch an arm while conversing, the hearty back-slap (careful with the appropriateness of this one!), as well as through many other non-verbal expressions. Touch strengthens every relationship, and is unique in developing and maintaining intimacy between couples.

Within a marriage, the stresses and pressures of life often influence couples at some point in their relationship to emotionally withdraw from one other somewhat. Arguments, conflicts, financial pressures, time demands with both jobs, families, and the inevitable preoccupation with children can all influence couples to feel twinges of isolation and loneliness—even within a committed, loving relationship. What is the answer? Non-sexual touch keeps the emotional doors open between husband and wife! Touch is not just the intersection of two physical bodies; it is the brief meeting of two souls.

The husband plays the key role here regarding non-sexual touch. Develop these good habits to open the door of emotional well-being and promote physical intimacy:

Gently brush your wife’s shoulder or back as you walk by.

Reach out to her, stroking her cheek while conversing and making eye contact.

Always opening the car door for her and touching her as she enters the car.

Continue the habit of holding hands, especially when you’re in public.

Put your arm around your wife’s shoulders. It lets her know that you’re aware of her. It’s also an expression of how the two of you “belong together”.

Reach out and touch your partner today!

unknown author

Don't Get Caught Up in the How

2009-07-30T12:48:00.000-07:00

A lot of times, when we're believing God for a mate, we get caught up in the "How" of it all. You know what I mean, it's been a while and you're like, "Lord, I know you're going to bless me with a mate, but HOW will you do it?" You can't quite figure it out so you find yourself sitting in the same area where a certain single brother at church normally sits, or you may even move to another city or change careers because you figure, "There must not be any good men where I am anyway - maybe my mate is in this new city."

Just like the man at the pool of Bethesda, some of us worry ourselves and grow deeply discouraged while trying to figure out how God is going to send us our mates. Instead of focusing on the "how," focus on trusting God while knowing that He will bring all the desires of your heart to pass in due season for your life. Hold fast to your profession of faith, allow God to order your steps, remain faithful to Him, and let God hook you up!

Scripture References:

Delight thyself also in the Lord: and He shall give thee the desires of thine heart. Psalm 37:4

Let us hold fast to the profession of our faith without wavering; (for he is faithful that promised;) Hebrews 10:23

The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord: and he delighteth in his way. Psalm 37:23

Much love in Christ, Kim Brooks

Black Expressions' Bestselling author of, He's Fine...But is He Saved? its sequel, He's Saved...But is He For Real?and non-fiction mini-book,The Little Black Survival Book for Single Saints
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Top Body Language Flirting Signs

2009-07-20T06:50:00.000-07:00

Okay, let’s say you’re at a Christian singles group gathering, and there are a bunch of cute guys (Hey, we can dream, right?) in the room. Here are some body language flirting signs to look for:

Body Language Flirting Sign #1: Smiling

When a guy flashes you those pearly whites, (well, we hope they’re white) that usually means he’s pleased to have you in his company. Just make sure he’s smiling at you, and not the girl behind you. Have you ever done that before?

Body Language Flirting Sign #2: Modeling

What? Well behavioural scientists say when someone is body language flirting they subconsciously “model or line up” with the behaviour of the person of interest. Examples here could be having their feet pointed in the same direction, crossing or uncrossing of legs, blinking, cracking knuckles, etc.

Body Language Flirting Sign #3: Making Frequent Eye Contact

Two simple points here: First, all guys (including Christian guys) are attracted by sight, and have a healthy appreciation for the female attributes, including a woman’s eyes, face and figure. If a guy denies this fact, he’s a liar and probably not the kind of guy you want around anyway. Secondly, the eyes often give away the heart’s intentions. There are different types of eye contact you should look out for, depending on the personality of the guy. If you have a sweet, shy guy on your hands, he may attempt to sneak a peak at you without you realizing it. Then when you turn in his direction, he may get red faced, or quickly look in a different direction. The second kind of eye contact is the kind a guy with confidence and boldness will practice. He has no problem making extended eye to eye contact. Do you know the type?

Body Language Flirting Sign #4: Grooming Self

This body language flirting sign includes doing such things as fixing collars, pulling up socks, straightening ties. This is the male ego’s way of preparing himself for the hunt.

Body Language Flirting Sign #5: Strutting

The guy will stand up straight, with shoulders back and chest out. Some single gals I know refer to this ritual as the “Peacock Strut”. Some girls out there are saying, “yep, I’ve seen that before.”Well there you have our top five body language flirting hints that guys will do around girls they like. Being aware of these may help any Christian single girl whose in “the market” for a nice Christian guy.---http://christian-dating-service-plus.com/christian-singles-groups-and-singles.htm

Rules Of Relationship (male perspective)

2009-07-17T07:48:00.000-07:00

Just For Fun Friday! 1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If
it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it
down.

2. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the
changing of the tides. Let it be.

3. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going
to think of it that way.

4. Crying is blackmail.

5. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

6. "Yes" and "No" are perfectly acceptable answers to
almost every question.

7. Come to us with a problem only if you want help
solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your
girlfriends are for.

8. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem.
See a doctor.

9. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an
argument. In fact, all comments become null and void
after 7 days.

10. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret
girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

11. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't
ask us.

12. If something we said or do can be interpreted two
ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we
meant the other one.

13. You can either ask us to do something or tell us
how you want it done. Not both. If you already know
best how to do it, just do it yourself.

14. Whenever possible, please say what
ever you have to
say during commercials.

15. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and
neither do we.

16. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default
settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color.
Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea
what mauve is.

17. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

18. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we
will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying,
but it is just not worth the hassle.

19. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to,
expect an answer you don't want to hear.

20. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything
you wear is fine. Really.

21. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you
are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the
shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

22. You have enough clothes.

23. You have too many shoes.

24. DRINKS are as exciting for us as handbags are for you.

25. I am in shape. ROUND is a shape.

Control Freak Signs

2009-07-15T07:07:00.000-07:00

In considering whether or not you are dating a control freak, consider the following questions:

Is he or she overly jealous and or possessive?

Does your date like to take charge by planning all the details of your dates?

Does he or she always know best about what you need to read, eat, see, wear, or hear?

Is it difficult to express your own beliefs or opinions around your date?

Does he or she always need to dominate a conversation? (Specially for Christian single women)

Does he insist on you submitting to him as your spiritual leader even though you are not married?

The bottom line is control freaks like to be in charge. If you answered “yes” to one or more of the above questions, you are probably dealing with the control freak. You may also want to consider whether or not you in fact are a victim in an abusive relationship.

Lose the Laundry List

2009-07-13T08:25:00.000-07:00

It is impossible for life partners not to develop some frustrations and disappointments with one another over time. unfortunately, this material creates a growing laundry list of complaints. We take note of the negative, mentally and emotionally record it, and let it work on us and our responses to our mates.

The first step in losing the laundry list is to acknowledge what you are feeling. Once again, he forgot to add milk to the grocery list, and you have to make an emergency run to the store. She "cleaned up" your papers, even though you asked her not to, and now that receipt is nowhere to be found. Or that tired joke was make at your expense again while dining out with friends. You're angry or hurt or feeling disrespected. Admit what you're feeling to yourself, and you open the door to a positive approach to the negative feelings instead of letting them fester and grow.

Now, forgive the person. Your negative feelings may be entirely appropriate, or they may not. In either case, if you carry them around inside, you close yourself off to healing and build a wall between you and your partner. You may need to vent by saying something like, "When you do that, I feel..." Or you may choose not to speak.

Next, forget the gripe. Complaints are like bad dreams. If you move on after them, they lose their impact, but if you relive them again and again in your mind or conversation, they grow out of proportion to their real importance. Let them go. Holding on to your grievances will hurt you more than anyone else, and it will crowd out the possibility for positive change.

Now, practice having a positive perspective. Your partner almost certainly has shortcomings. So do you. But your partner also has strenghts that deserve better than equal attention. Often what we judge as negative in another is more a matter of simple differences. He may forget to add items to the grocery list because he's a dreamer, a creative type. The world needs dreamers and creators. She may clean up out of a desire to make a beautiful home for both of you. That's a wonderful impulse that deserves the compromises necessary to allow her to fulfill it.

In short, there is no end to gripes and grievances. But you can choose to lose the laundry list.

Richard Carlson

Single and Satisfied

2009-07-09T21:31:00.000-07:00

The other day I dropped in on my sister who is single. I found her reading a book and listening to music, curled up in a very comfortable pose on the chaise. She talked about a symphony she was going to attend and an evening of elegance she had scheduled for the following week. i could scarcely get a word in as my sister shared what she had planned to do next.
I thought of how many women come home alone, dead-bolt the front door, and live with the echo of emptiness in the house. maybe their lives don't resemble the pictures of vibrant, loving relationships that are used to market everything. One can hardly pick up a box of tooth paste without seeing images of attractive couples playing on the beach in scanty attire. These ads sell products, but they also sell the idea that happiness depends on the presence of someone else. It's no wonder so many believe that real joy begins and ends with the feel of another person's heartbeat. But one can be in a relationship and still feel alone. And one can be single and never lonely.
So if you find yourself single today, you have lots of company. But there's no need to be lonely. You have given the gift of life and enjoy it you must. Real joy and sustained peace come from within, nourished by a healthy engagement with one's life and comfort with oneself. If you don't enjoy your own company, no one else will either. Fun-loving people attract others because they start the party before any guest arrives.
Are you single and feeling a little blue? Challenge yourself to switch up your routine. Start dating yourself. Take a coworker out to dinner or a play, enroll in dance classes, volunteer in your neighborhood, serve on a church committee, go on a cruise with good friends. If you 're melancholy, see it as an opportunity to broaden your interest, deepen existing relationships, and bolster your faith in God.
Having faith replaces loneliness with the recognition that our lives are divinely orchestrated. Faith seasons the heart with a sense of purpose and the awareness that we are not wandering alone on the planet. Being single is not a perpetual state.
T.D.Jakes

Stay Out Of His Stuff

2009-07-05T16:22:00.000-07:00

This message is moreso for the single women who are dating. However if you are married I personally feel that if your spouse is giving you a reason to snoop then don't be blind or naive and do what's necessary within means as well as asking him/her. Lady A

You would think that everybody knows to stay out of everybody else's stuff. You would think.

Prying, poking, snooping, opening, searching , and sneaking into are some of the most dangerous an undignified acts any woman can commit. Men hate that some women choose to do it, and the women who love them hate what they uncover when they do it. It's bad news for both of you.

When uninvited, stay out of his drawers, closets, pockets, papers, and cabinets. If you feel it's the only way to get the real truth, that's a sure sign the relationship lacks honesty, trust, and mutual respect in the first place. Whatever it is you may find is not going to make things any better-and probably a whole lot worse!

Getting to the truth is important, but how you get to it is equally important. Whether it's your hands, eyes, ears, or nose in his stuff (or his in yours), we're talking about a serious violation of someone else's space. It has no place in a loving relationship.

Because you wouldn't want, under any circumstances, to admit that you went through his stuff, you will never be in the position to get absolute confirmation that what you found is what you think it is, or means what you think it means. No man, guilty or innocent, will feel obligated to explain evidence gotten through snooping. If you find nothing, you will have to live wit the guilt of having betrayed his trust in you. If you do find something, you are now no less guilty of a crime than you may suppose him to be.

Snooping is a fear-based response. It demeans and devalues the one who does it and the relationship itself. It proceeds from a point of weakness and desperation, rather than straight and assertiveness. It reduces the most refined and intelligent women, instantly transforming them not unappealing blobs or paranoia.

Keep your eyes open and ask for honest answers to your honest questions. Draw conclusions and make decisions based on information you have gotten by legitimate means. Trust yourself enough to be able to do what you need to do with what you've gotten rightly. If you go looking for dirt, you are liable to find it, and it's liable to get all over you.

Say it: "Respect for his privacy and possessions is reason enough for me to stay out of his stuff. Respect for myself is an even better reason."

Do it: "Congratulate yourself, either because you've never been guilty of snooping, or because you won't ever be again."
Dr. Elmore

Don't Use Sex as Either a "Sample of" of a "Substitute for"

2009-07-02T08:39:00.000-07:00

Somewhere along the way, the physical side of love has become like some sort of a multipurpose kitchen utensil ("useful for over one thousand purposes"). Some women use it as an introductory offer, allowing a man to try a free sample before he commits to the whole package. Others use sex as a substitute for talking out feelings, or working out problems. ("Let's not fight...let's just have sex!")

The quickest way to wear out a high-quality, simply terrific anything is to use it repeatedly for purposes for which it was not intended. Sex as a "sample of..." or a "substitute for..." are two such valueless uses. Whenever a good thing gets used for everything, it becomes good for nothing.

Sex is the very special expression of love between the two of you that says "I have deep and abiding commitment to you, and you to me, therefore I offer you all of me." Sex is because you already have love and commitment. It is not the tool to try to get it. That's why sex is at its best in a committed marriage.

Since men, by nature, highly value masterful performance, for some of them sex can become some kind of proving ground, where they attempt to get reassurance of their worth as a man. Sadly, they have substituted ego-building for love making. Since women, by nature, highly value harmonious and secure relationships, sex can be used to get reassuring "proof"
that an intimacy bond exists, when perhaps it doesn't at all.

Your body, and the pleasure of its company, should never be offered carelessly. It's not a free sample, a thirty-day trial, or an investment for future returns. It is never to be used as an acceptable alternative to solid, self-disclosing communication between the two of you.

Sex is not a "you get yours, I"ll get mine" thing. It's an "I have received love from you, therefore I want to give myself to you" thing. By making it other than that you make it less than that.

Say it: "Making love is not the means to an end, it is an end unto itself. I refuse to use sex as a flashy free sample of who I am, or a convenient substitute for work we need to do to help our love grow."

Dr. Ronn

Get A Life of Your Own-Don't Borrow His

2009-06-30T17:25:00.000-07:00

You are a whole, complete, fully assembled human being. All of your parts work-or you've learned to live with the ones that don't! Neither the man you love nor your relationship with him, give you an identity. You already have one. It has your name on it.
A loving relationship with a man should never mean you give up your unique personality. Who you are (and how you are) are much too important to let that happen. It's nice if he know this; it's vital that you do. Loving him doesn't mean losing you.
Think about it. What we all want out of love is to be fully known (the good, the bad, and the ugly) and fully accepted. Careful. Don't seek the rewards of approval and miss the rewards of love. Refuse to say, do or even think anything that is motivated solely by approval-seeking.
Imagine the Queen of Sheba abandoning her vast kingdom, or Nefertiti giving up her regal bearinhg, Harriet Tubman disposing of her courage, or Mary McLeod Bethune hiding her brilliance. How about Maya Angelou putting down her pen. That's not love at all, it's suicide! The women who love men are daughters of these "she-roes." Who you are is too much to lose.

Never:

lose touch with your own opinions, perspectives, and convictions. Declare them.

hold your unique personality hostage. Display it.

abandon your vision, goals, dreams. Pursue them.

Fear may tempt you to believe that unity and uniformity are synonymous. They are not. Uniformity is a unity counterfeit that requires one of you to forfeit your uniqueness in order to become acceptably similar to the other person.

Unity is the miracle of two very different individuals with dissimilar backgrounds, tastes, experiences, and personalities choosing to commune together. Two who not only accept their uniqueness, but celebrate it.

The man you love gains little when he has you, but not the things that make you, you. Love him enough to love yourself enough to be the best of who you are. Boldly offer your lover what you have already given a stamp of approval to-you.

Say it: "I am who I am. I don't have to be what I perceive he would approve of. That is a double-edged insult. Neither of us profits anything if I give up my life to gain his love."

Do it: Ask your most trusted and truthful sister-friends if they notice you being "less you" when you are with him, compared to when you are with them. Find out what parts of your speech, style, intellect, interest, or abilities have been safely locked away from his sight. Liberated them. If you've taken on his identity, or one he has fashioned for you-stop now. Return what you've borrowed of his. Get you life back!

Dr.Ronn Elmore

Demand Respect-Model Self Respect

2009-06-25T11:19:00.000-07:00

Respect isn't like parking tickets or taxes-nobody can be made to pay it. Request respect from where you want it and remove yourself from where you don't get it. You can only do that when you already have your self-respect.

Respecting you is not the same as bowing down and in worship before you. To respect you is to acknowledge your significance as a human being of the female variety and in every way to treat you accordingly. Respect is due you simply because you are.

Before you demand respect from others, you'll do well to already possess an accurate appraisal of your own self-worth and constantly demonstrate how much you believe it. Self-respect means treating yourself like a class act and accepting no less then that from others. You do that by the dignified way you carry yourself, the confidence and discretion in your speech and manner, and the obvious finesse with which you move toward people who respect you, and away from those who don't.

Men give you respect in direct proportion to the level of respect you show for yourself. If you have much, he is likely to show much. If you have a little, he'll show you a little. If you have none, he'll certainly match it. You have the power to help him discover that if it walks like a lady, talks like a lady, looks and acts like a lady, it is one...and she must be treated, in all ways, like one.

Dr. Ronn Elmore

How To Be Attractive Christian Woman

2009-06-19T05:02:00.000-07:00

The average Christian woman does her best to be as attractive as possible. Unfortunately, many Christian women are under tremendous pressure to conform to the world’s standard of attractive, rather than what God’s word says is appealing.
The Christian Woman and Media Culture
Christian women are exposed to a constant media barrage of what the “perfect woman ” is supposed to look like. The only problem is that the portrayal of what a woman should be is artificial and unattainable. Ironically, many Christian women seeking to find a husband understand this situation, yet also attempt to live up to this unrealistic expectation. You can imagine that the Christian woman caught up in this way of thinking often ends up battling low self-esteem and depression.
Certainly nothing in the Bible precludes a Christian woman from making herself as feminine and appealing as possible. The key is balancing this God given and positive desire with what He says true beauty is all about. In today’s Bible verse of the day, Peter tells us that a Christian woman’s true beauty and attractiveness comes from the heart:
Bible Verse of Day
“Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.”1 Peter 3:3
If you’re a single Christian woman hoping to marry a dedicated Christian man, remember he will be attracted more to your beautiful walk in the Lord, rather than your body. If he thinks otherwise, he’s simply not worth your time, nor the man of God the Lord is preparing for.

author unknown

Oral Sex Part II & Anal Sex

2009-06-17T05:48:00.000-07:00

A friend of mine was sharing with me what the Lord showed her concerning this matter. However, what I'm about to share, you and your spouse must still go before God and seek what is pleasing to the Father.

"It's a unclean act. Think about it. You are engaging your mouth on the most dirtiest part of the body. Let's be real. For women, blood, good, bad bacteria, yeast, urine just to mention some excrete from our vagina. For the husband to put all that in his mouth is not clean. That is an unclean area. For men, urine bacteria, and bathroom germs are on his penis. And his semen is not food. Your body is God's temple. you are defiling it when perform these acts. You are defiling God's mouth piece. Waste comes out of there with 100s of bacteria. Think of it as this. Would u want your child performing those oral acts. Picture them in your head you daughter or son engaging oral sex on the most dirtiest part of the spouse body. You will be yelling and screaming at them. That's fifthly! Now imagine them coming over to kiss you, yeck! So imagine how God feels. After we perform oral sex and then later pray or worship God, whether it's home or church. Yes, it's a sacrifice however you must be willing to sacrifice that area to God. That's not the God's way, that's the way of the world. Now kissing all over the body is fine."

Again, pray and seek God. He'll show you when you are ready to receive. TRUST me readers, I fought this and was trying to find every loop hole and excuse. I enjoy it orally, however, the Lord is showing me more and more. Not saying I totally quit, but I know how God feels about it and taking it day by day to do better and free of the world's way.

While I'm on the subject, let's talk about anal sex! I'm going to share with you guys what the Lord said to me years ago....Just common sense, you are hurting the body but at the time I didn't get it. Your anal was not design for that. I personally experienced extreme pain when using the bathroom and I clearly remember what the Lord said to me in the bathroom, "that is not My will, you are interrupting the function of how your anal is suppose to work." I would be unable to use the bathroom for a week and when I did I was bleeding to and when I saw the blood the Lord spoke again and said, "do u see that? How is that acceptable in my eyes?" "You are abusing My temple." Needless to say, the Lord didn't have to tell me twice. It's a very painful act, but I did it because of FEAR from the world and what naysayers said, "some husbands have cheated on their wives because the wife didn't allow him to do it in her anal. Or husband will got to prostitute so they can have anal sex. I heard the stories how good looking wives were cheated on because they wouldn't do the act. So that was always a fear of mine that hubby will cheat. So I allowed him...well guess what...he cheated anyway, hahahhahaha! Can't please man, so please GOD!

Yours truly,

What Is Not Okay In Bed

2009-06-15T09:56:00.000-07:00

If you are a GWC reader, this was posted several weeks ago.

“If both partners agree, is anything taboo?” “What about the use of vibrators?” “Is oral sex okay?” [These are just a few questions that Christian women asked about the sexual relationship in marriage from a survey that the authors conducted.] But at the heart of each of these questions were two concerns: What does God prohibit in the sexual relationship between a husband and wife, and what does God permit?
We read the Bible from Genesis to Revelation and compiled a list of every scriptural reference to sex. As we reviewed our list it became apparent that God gives tremendous sexual freedom within the marriage relationship. But God also sets forth some prohibitions that we must honor.
These are the ten things God forbids:

1. Fornication: Fornication is immoral sex. It comes from the Greek word porneia which means “unclean.” This broad term includes sexual intercourse outside of marriage (1 Corinthians 7:2, 1 Thessalonians 4:3), sleeping with your stepmother (1 Corinthians 5:1), sex with a prostitute (1 Corinthians 6:13, 1 Corinthians 6:15-16), and adultery (Matthew 5:32).

2. Adultery: Adultery, or sex with someone who is not your spouse, is a sin and was punishable in the Old Testament by death (Leviticus 21:10). In the New Testament, Jesus expanded adultery to mean not just physical acts, but emotional acts in the mind and heart (Matthew 5:28).

3. Homosexuality: The Bible is very clear that for a man to have sex with a man or woman to have sex with a woman is detestable to God (Leviticus 18:22; Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:27; 1 Corinthians 6:9).

4. Impurity: These are several Greek words which are translated as “impurity.” To become “impure” (in Greek, molvno) can mean to lose one’s virginity (Revelation 14:4), or to become defiled, due to living out a secular and essentially pagan lifestyle 1 Corinthians 6:9, 2 Corinthians 7:1). The Greek word rupos often refers to moral uncleanness in general (Revelation 22:11).

5. Orgies: For a married couple to become involved in sex orgies with different couples is an obvious violation of (1), (2), and (4) and needs no discussion.

6. Prostitution: Prostitution, which is paying for sex, is morally wrong and condemned throughout Scripture (Leviticus 19:29, Deuteronomy 23:17, Proverbs 7:4-27).

7. Lustful passions: First, let us tell you what this does not mean. Lustful passion does not refer to the powerful, God-given sexual desire a husband and wife have for one another. Instead, it refers to an unrestrained, indiscriminate sexual desire for men or women other than the person’s marriage partner (Mark 7:21-22, Ephesians 4:19).

8. Sodomy: In the Old Testament, sodomy refers to men lying with men. The English word means “Unnatural sexual intercourse, especially of one man with another or of a human being with an animal.” Unfortunately, some Christian teachers have erroneously equated sodomy with oral sex. In the Bible, sodomites refer to male homosexuals or temple prostitutes (both male and female). In contemporary usage, the term sodomy is sometimes used to describe anal intercourse between a man and woman. This is not the meaning of the biblical word.

9. Obscenity and coarse jokes: In Ephesians 4:29, Paul says, “Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth.” The Greek word for unwholesome is very descriptive and literally mans “rotten” or “decaying.” In Ephesians 5:4, the Bible warns us to avoid “silly talk” or, as it is called in some versions, “coarse jesting.” We have all been around people who can see a sexual connotation in some innocent phrase and then begin to snicker or laugh. This is wrong. However, this does not rule out appropriate sexual humor in the privacy of marriage, but rather inappropriate sexual comments in a public setting.

10. Incest: Incest, or sex with family members or relatives, is specifically forbidden in Scripture (Leviticus 18:7-18; Leviticus 20:11-21).
God leaves much in our sexual relationship with our husbands up to our discretion. In all likelihood, the questions tugging at the back of your mind were not even touched upon. When she read this list, Shelby commented: “It’s helpful to know what God says is wrong, but I still sometimes wonder if what my husband and I are doing is right. We have a great time together in bed, but every now and then, this nagging doubt comes—does God approve?”
To help you and all the Shelby’s, we will get more specific and address the questions we are constantly asked.

IS ORAL SEX PERMISSIBLE?
Clifford and Joyce Penner, in their excellent book The Gift of Sex, give this definition of oral sex: “Oral sex or oral stimulation is the stimulation of your partner’s genitals with your mouth, lips, and tongue. The man may stimulate the woman’s clitoris and the opening of the vagina with his tongue or the woman many pleasure the man’s penis with her mouth.” This sexual stimulation may or may not lead to orgasm for the husband and wife.
What does Scripture say about this sexual activity? Most theologians say the Scriptures are silent about oral-genital sex. Some believe two verses in the Song of Solomon may contain veiled references to oral sex. The first is Song of Solomon 2:3:
Like an apple tree among the trees of the forest,so is my beloved among the young men.In his shade I took great delight and sat down,and his fruit was sweet to my taste.
Throughout the Song of Solomon, the word fruit refers to the male genitals. In extra biblical literature, fruit is sometimes equated with the male genitals or with semen, so it is possible that here we have a faint and delicate reference to an oral genital caress.

The second possible veiled reference is found in Song of Solomon 4:16 (KJV):
Awake, O north wind; and come, thou south;blow upon my garden, that the spices thereof may flow out.Let my beloved come into his garden, and eat his pleasant fruits.
These erotic words spoken by Solomon’s bride are at the culmination of a very sensuous love scene. Shulamith asks her husband to blow on her garden (a poetic reference used throughout the Song for the vagina) and cause its spices to flow out. Of course one cannot be certain, but it is possible Shulamith is inviting her husband to excite her by caressing her with his mouth. She then invites him to enter her and feast on the pleasures waiting in her “garden.”
Dr. Douglas Rosenau believes Scripture is silent on the topic of oral sex. “This does not make it right or wrong,” he says. A key emphasis in the New Testament is Christian liberty. Nothing is unclean in itself, says Paul (Romans 14:14), and this presumably includes sexual variety. Lewis Smedes, professor of theology at Fuller Seminary, amplifies Paul’s statement abut nothing being unclean.
Christian liberty sets us free from culturally invented “moral” taboos; and since there is no rule from heaven, it is likely that the only restraint is the feeling of the other person. For example, if one partner has guilt feelings about oral sex play, the Christian response of the other will be to honor the partner until they adjust their feelings. On the other hand, if the partner has only aesthetic reservations, and if these are rooted in some fixed idea that sex is little more than a necessary evil anyway, they have an obligation to be taught, tenderly and lovingly, of the joys of sex in the freedom of Christ.
In Intended for Pleasure, Dr. and Mrs. Ed Wheat says that oral sex is a matter that concerns only the husband and wife involved. If both find it enjoyable and pleasant, then it may properly fit into the couple’s lovemaking practices. One goal of lovemaking is to fill a treasure trove of memories with delightful love experiences that will quicken your responses during your future times together.
One minister’s wife blushes happily as she recalls a memo her husband sent requesting her presence for an urgent “appointment.”
RUN DON’T WALK! YOU WON’T WANT TO MISS THIS EXCITING, DYNAMIC, RIPPING, SLEEP-DEFYING MEETING. Details follow: Would you like to have a meeting in the bathtub? (Loving massage and oral sex included.)
I love you,Your husband
One woman might feel horrified by the above playful interchange between a husband and wife. To her, oral sex is repulsive. Another may think the minister and his wife have a gloriously free, creative, and fun sexual relationship. She sees that oral sex adds a beautiful dimension to this couple’s lovemaking.
Before we go any further, let us clarify our intent in this chapter. Are we suggesting you incorporate oral sex into your love play? No. We are not making recommendations. Instead, our purpose is to set out for you what Scripture prohibits and to encourage you to seek God’s wisdom concerning His personal recommendations for your marriage.
Each couple is different. Each husband and wife is unique. Because Scripture is either silent —or veiled —concerning this practice, the only way to discover what God allows for you is for you to ask Him. If you’ve never talked to God about your sexual relationship, now is a good time to start. You will not shock God. Remember, sex was His idea. God is a God of wisdom (Daniel 2:20). He promises that when we lack wisdom, if we ask Him, He will give it to us (James 1:5).
As you seek God’s wisdom, you might find it helpful to ask these three questions about any sexual practice you and your husband are considering:

• Is it prohibited in Scripture? If not, we may assume it is permitted. “Everything is permissible for me,” (1 Corinthians 6:12).

• Is it beneficial? Does the practice in any way harm the husband or wife or hinder the sexual relationship? If so, it should be rejected. “Everything is permissible for me—but not everything is beneficial.” (1 Corinthians 6:12).

• Does it involve anyone else? Sexual activity is sanctioned by God for husband and wife only. If a sexual practice involves someone else or becomes public, it is wrong based on Hebrews 13:4, which warns us to keep the marriage bed undefiled.

http://www.marriagemissions.com/

Are Vibrators Permissible?

2009-06-11T19:01:00.000-07:00

Some couples enjoy incorporating the use of sexual aids such as vibrators into their lovemaking. To find out if the use of vibrator is right or wrong, let’s apply the three questions. Is the use of a vibrator prohibited by Scripture? Is a vibrator beneficial in lovemaking? Does the use of a vibrator involve anyone else?

As we look at the list of ten prohibitions, we see that there is no scriptural reference that would prohibit the use of a vibrator. So if a vibrator enhances a couple’s lovemaking and is used exclusively for the couple’s private enjoyment, then it is permitted. Does this mean we are suggesting you run out and buy a vibrator? No. Again, we are not recommending any sexual practice. We are only trying to help you discern what is best in your marriage as you seek the wisdom of God.

WHAT ABOUT X-RATED VIDEOS?

Obviously videos did not exist during biblical times, so we will not find “Thou shalt not watch X-rated videos” in Scriptures. (The same is true for vibrators.) But as we read through the list of the ten prohibitions, a red flag is raised. In number two on the list, adultery is defined as “looking on a woman to lust” whether the woman (or man) is on a video, in a picture, or in the living flesh. Secondly, number four on the list describes impurity as “moral uncleanness.” X-rated would qualify as “morally unclean,” thereby making them something God would disdain.

Now let’s apply the questions:
• Are X-rated videos prohibited by Scripture? Yes, based on (2) and (4).
• Are X-rated videos beneficial? Anything that promotes “moral uncleanness” is not beneficial.
• Do X-rated videos involve someone else? Yes. You bring the man or woman on the video into your lovemaking.

Based on these answers, we could conclude that God wants us to stay away from X-rated videos.
We have considered three “gray areas,” oral sex, vibrators, and X-rated videos. There are many others. We encourage you and your husband to prayerfully seek God’s wisdom, study the list of ten prohibitions, and use the three questions to help you discern what to do in your specific situation.
As Christians we are simultaneously free and responsible. We are responsible to seek the best of the one we love, to think more highly of him and his desires than our own (Philippians 2:3-4). But we are also free to explore new territories of sexual delight.
According to Dr. Lewis Smedes, “The Christian word on trying out a sexual practice that is not prohibited in Scripture is ‘Try it. If you like it, it is morally good for you. And it may well be that in providing new delight to each other; you will be adventuring into deeper experiences of love.’”
God has given you great freedom in your sexual relationship with your husband. Remember His words to Solomon and Shulamith: “Eat, friends; drink and imbibe deeply, O lovers” (Song of Solomon 5:1).

http://www.marriagemissions.com/

When it comes to vibrators or anything, seek and ask God. My only personal problem with this was what and how I had to get sexual devices for my husband and I. My eyes were exposed to a lot of porn and even certain sex boutiques were totally inappropriate. Next thing you know, your curiosity is sparked up and now you could be introducing unclean/ungodly things in your bedroom. So again, seek and ask God. Somethings don't work for everybody. Love you guys!

MEN: The First Year Of Marriage Is The Most Important!

2009-06-10T06:45:00.000-07:00

Some men act as though their work is done the moment their bride says “I do.” It’s almost as though, on their wedding day, they take their to-do list and put a check mark next to “find a wife.” Then after the honeymoon, it’s back to work — and back to that to-do list—with many more battles to win and more check marks to make.
Perhaps the most interesting part of this phenomenon in men is that, at the same moment they’re feeling a sense of finality about their wedding day accomplishment, their brides are seeing it as just a beginning.

Choosing Not to Choose

An important single foundational assumption: Your marriage and your life are going to be a hundred times more satisfying, more resilient, and more prosperous if you intentionally develop the right habits in the first year—when the investment is fairly “inexpensive.”
If you undervalue this first year and develop bad habits, a solid marriage will be much more expensive to recover later on—or these habits may eventually destroy your marriage.

Time-Tested Principles

As you and I explore this first-year investment strategy, I want to unveil a treasure that is thousands of years old. Listen to this amazing piece of advice, tucked in the Old Testament between instructions on divorce and directions for the proper use of millstones when making a loan agreement (no kidding):
If a man has recently married, he must not be sent to war or have any other duty laid on him. For one year he is to be free to stay at home and bring happiness to the wife he has married. (Deuteronomy 24:5)
Although the prospects of such a thing may sound hilarious or outrageous to you, there are some interesting investment principles buried here that you’ll want to take seriously.

The Challenge Principle —”For one year”

Most guys love a contest. We gravitate toward the competitive. Well, here’s a huge challenge: If you want to have a great marriage, don’t do anything for a whole year except learn to love your wife.
I’m pretty sure I know what you’re thinking, “C’mon, be reasonable. I’ve got work to do. If I were to take a whole year off, I’d be fired from my job—and that wouldn’t be good for either of us.”
Don’t worry. I’m not advocating unemployment—just intentionality. Your job in your first year of marriage is to become an expert on one woman—your wife—and to learn, better than anyone else in the world, how to “bring her happiness.” And the Old Testament advice is to take one year, ONE WHOLE YEAR. A weekend seminar or a great book about marriage will not be enough—not even the standard five session premarital counseling commitment. There’s no other way to say it: It’s a big investment!

The Reciprocity Principle—”bring happiness to the wife he has married”

Chalk it off to our humanness, but most of us have this backwards. We’re eager for our wives to find ways to make us happy.
Early in our marriage my wife, Bobbie, said it to me this way: “I just want to know that, even though you’re busy, once in a while you stop and think about me.”
Okay, you might be thinking, but what should my wife do for me? That’s a fair question, but the answer is sobering. This Old Testament admonition says absolutely nothing about your wife’s job. She’s given no direction at all. But this is where the reciprocity part comes in. When you make her happiness your priority, your wife finds herself compelled to make you happy.
Doing everything you can do during this first year to make your wife happy is not just an unselfish act of martyrdom. Having a contented wife will make an immense difference in your own happiness.
The book of Proverbs affirms this idea with a touch of humor—in fact, these exact words appear twice in Proverbs: “Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife.”
Though it’s not always the case, unhappy, nagging, contentious, quarrelsome wives are often marred to overly busy, non-responsive, preoccupied, self-absorbed husbands. And, by trial and error, these wives have learned that the only way to get their husbands’ attention is to do something annoying.
Your challenge is to choose to pay more attention to your wife during this first year than you do to your neighbor’s new car or to the NCAA Final Four on television. And when you make this investment during the first year, your marriage will be far more satisfying for the rest of your life. It will be worth millions.
Decide to make the next twelve months the most important year of your life.
http://www.marriagemissions.com/category/newlyweds/

Never Compromise on Your Principles-Do Compromise on Your Practices

2009-06-07T22:35:00.001-07:00

When you too easily abandon your own principles, you lack integrity. When you refuse to compromise on the way you practice your principles, you lack flexibility. Both lack of integrity and lack of flexibility work against a loving relationship.
Your principles are the morals and values that guide and govern your life. They are not so much about what you do, or how you do things. The are, very simply, about what you believe is right and wrong. They are your personal "nonnegotiable" for which you cannot sit down, shut up, or back off. For them you must take courage and stand your ground.
Your principles are as much representative of who you are as your fingerprints, you DNA, and your image in the mirror. When you compromise them you play the role of a person who has a different set of values than yours. It's an acting job for which you win no Oscar and receive no pay in a dram that never has a happy ending.

Flexibility, negotiation, and compromise are at the heart of loving relationships. Without them no real common ground can ever be established. An unwillingness to compromise on your practices, the way you do a thing in light of your principles, is rigid inflexibility. Actually, there are a million ways to do a thing right. n loving someone you must willingly and frequently employ negotiation and compromise to find common ground and make corporate decisions with your partner. It is the only way two very different human beings can live lovingly together.

Finding a way to compromise on how you put your principles into practice requires creativity, humility, and unwavering appreciation for each other's values. To allow for alteration of the way you do a thing is not only possible, it's crucial. It speaks highly of your commitment to join in making life choices that will work for the both of you, without violating the principles of either of you.

You must keep a tight focus on the principles that define who you are, and what you hold to be right. That's the integrity part of yourself. Since there is more than one way to do anything, you must remain open to compromising your way for the two of you to discover the way of the relationship.
Dr. Ronn Elmore

Don't Make Him/Her Pay for How Other's Have Hurt You

2009-06-04T09:19:00.000-07:00

It is absolutely impossible to love another human being without trusting him/her for something. Trust is woven into the very fabric of love.
Trust is counting on another's consistent willingness and ability to provide you the necessities that you treasure (support, respect, security, mutual affection, fairness, devotion). In the past, the one (s) you loved and trusted may not have given you that treasure, or they may have offered you some miserable substitute for it (such as rejection instead of support, abuse instead of respect, abandonment instead of concern). That is how you learned the gritty taste of pain in all its bitter flavors: disappointment, betrayal, victimization.

If you've ever loved deeply, you've trusted deeply. And, you're likely to have hurt deeply too. Old hurts can leave a constant, dull ache that perhaps you've "just learned to live with."

Examine yourself carefully. Are you:

Suspicious?
Jealous?
Pretending?
Hiding?
Isolating?
Withdrawing?

Is this the kind of treatment due the man/woman in your life now? Or is he/she being punished for the sins of another? Hold them accountable for how he/she is, not how someone else was.

Say it: "I have loved, trusted, and hurt. All of these are my emotions. I own them. I can recover and even grow from my hurt. I will not deny, justify, or defend punishing my partner for how others have hurt me in the past."

Do it: Apologize. Make amends, with no requirements on what kind of response he/she must give.

Dr. Ronn Elmore

Overcoming Jealousy

2009-06-03T07:25:00.000-07:00

Jealousy is one of the most destructive and painful emotions in a dating relationship or marriage. A jealous dater can think and do some wacky things he or she would not normally think of doing. That’s why overcoming jealousy when it crops up is so important.
Among Christian single couples, jealousy affects both traditional dating and courtship love relationships.

Just what does it mean to be jealous? Webster’s Dictionary rightly defines jealousy as a “fearfulness or wariness of being replaced by a rival.” In a dating or romantic relationship, this means the jealous girlfriend or jealous guy suspects there is a rival for the affection or attention of their partner. The object of the dater’s jealousy could be an ex-boyfriend or girlfriend, (the most frequent complaint) or some other thing such as the person’s children, job or even the family dog. (Don’t laugh about the dog, I once had a Family Court case related to this issue)
The problem with jealousy is that there are several kinds, which can get a little confusing. For example, there is God’s jealousy (Exodus 20:5), which is always holy, just, and desirous of others’ wellbeing.

Then there is human jealousy, which often ends with disasterous results. Solomon writes of this kind in Song of Songs: “Jealousy is as cruel as the grave” (Sgs 8:6).
As sinners, we all need to learn how to cope with the human kind of jealousy, whether we experience it in our own hearts, or have others being jealous of us.

Most singles are able to control acting out their jealous impulses. However for others, overcoming jealousy is almost impossible without God’s help. This form of jealousy is pathological, and could lead to the crimes of passion we often read about in the newspapers, or see in movies.

As a single Christian seeking true love in a relationship, it’s very important for your own dating safety to know some “red flag” signs of a pathologically jealous person.

Red Flags of Jealousy Out of Control
-The dating or courtship partner continually accuses the other of being unfaithful when there is no basis for him or her to think this way.
-The jealous person checks phone bills, emails or the cell phone directory to check the partner’s records of communication. They may even forbid their romantic partner to speak with certain members of the opposite sex.
-The jealous dating partner forbids (ie: orders) the other single dater to wear certain things in public.
-The person with jealousy issues may go through the personal belongings of the other party looking for “evidence” of unfaithfulness
-The person with out-of-control jealousy may follow, or have one of their friends follow the other person to make sure they are being faithful. In extreme cases they may even ‘bug” the home using electronic equipment.
-The jealous party will keep tabs on their date by calling them constantly throughout the day. -They may give an excuse (”I just missed you”) as to why they are calling so frequently, but in fact are distrustful of them.
-The jealous person may want to be with the other person 24/7, and if the other single resists, there may be a physcial or emotional outburst.
-The jealous dating partner forces the other to give account of all their free time away from them.
-The person with pathological jealousy may threaten to do physical harm to themselves or to their dating partner.

If you are a single Christian in any kind dating relationship where one or more of the above jealousy red flags exist, we recommend:
-Lovingly communicating to your friend that they need professional help.
-Consider getting out of the relationship as soon as you can to ensure your own safety. While you may be tempted to stay in an effort to change them, or because the jealous partner may make an emotional promise of change, please don’t give in.

Overcoming Jealousy
Overcoming jealousy will be easier if you understand its origin. Ask yourself: “Do my feelings have a basis in fact (the behavior of the dating partner), or are they coming from my own insecurity?”
If there is actually something the other party is doing that is inciting you to be jealous, have a heart to heart discussion with them. Often, an honest exchange of feelings will solve the problem.
Understand that your jealous behavior may actually drive away your date, the very thing you feared might happen.
http://christian-dating-service-plus.com/blog/

5 Keys to Attracting the Right Man or Woman to Date

2009-06-01T05:55:00.000-07:00

There are several practical steps we can take in order to attract the right kind of man or woman to date.

Seek the Lord in Prayer
Yeah, I know we heard this all before, but really, God will hear your prayers, and provide for all of your needs (Phil. 4:19). I know some single Christians are frustrated because they have been praying for a mate, and nothing tangible has been happening. But please don’t give up hope for that special man or woman to date.
The Scriptures state that at just the right time God sent forth His son to save us. (Gal. 4:4). So, if God the Father gave us Jesus, will he not graciously give us all things? (Romans 8:32). The answer to that question is a resounding YES! In the meantime, wait on God, and learn to have contentment as a single person.

Love (Accept) Yourself
Jesus told us to love others as we love ourselves. The bottom line is we can’t love others the way God wants (including your our date or mate) until we love ourselves.
Loving yourself has little to do with self-esteem, but all to do with “God-esteem.” What do I mean by that? It means looking at yourself the way God sees you. He says you were wonderfully and fearfully made (Psalms 139), and He thought well of enough of you to die for your sins while you were still a sinner (Romans 5:8).
So here’s my question for you? Can you love and accept yourself as God loves and accepts you, warts and all? If you do, this is a very attractive quality to the opposite sex. If you can’t accept yourself, potential dates will most likely be turned off as well.

Be the Real You
This means letting others see the real you, not the man or woman you think they want you to be. The reason you should just be yourself is that you want your date to want you just for being you. That way there’s no pressure to keep putting on an act. By the way, keep this in mind if you are writing an online dating profile. Remember, changing yourself to meet your date’s or mate’s criteria is not only stressful and dishonest, but it’s also a surefire way to doom a relationship.

Set Level Expectations
It’s good to make a list (with the help of family and friends who know you best) of the qualities you are looking for in a man or woman date, but just be realistic. I know many Christian singles who have remained single and lonely because they could never find anyone “good enough” for them. Do you get the picture?

Don’t Be Afraid of Rejection and Failure
The God you and I serve calls us to take faith-filled risks. Don’t allow fears to rule over your life. Trust Him to guide you in this area of your life, because you will never meet the right man or woman to date unless you take a chance by becoming vulnerable. Remember that most people, whether they are on a blind date or in a courtship relationship, have faced rejection at one time or another. The key is to trust God with your fears.

http://christian-dating-service-plus.com/blog/

How A Man's Friends Can Make Or Break His Marriage

2009-05-28T07:27:00.000-07:00

Life is one series of choices after the next. We all have within ourselves the free will to make choices that are good for what we want out of life and we have the free will to make choices that can hurt what we want out of life.
If we determine that we want our marriage to be one of partnership and to be the best it can be, we have to make the choices that will help that to happen. And when it comes to how we handle our friendships, the same “rule” applies.

“Each of us has a choice to make in terms of what we expect out of our friendships with others. You see, some may be content with just hanging out with the boys after a game. It’s fine just throwing the ball around, getting dirty, having some laughs, and then going home. For many that’s enough; that’s what friendship is. But if you want something more for your life, you have to go after it. You need to find people who are looking for the same.” (Dave Currie with Glen Hoos)

It’s true what the Bible says in 1 Corinthians 15:33:

“Do not be misled: ‘Bad company corrupts good character.’ Come back to your senses as you ought, and stop sinning: for there are some who are ignorant of God — I say this to your shame.”
You can’t play with “fire” in going places and doing things with friends that can hurt your marriage and not expect for it to “burn” your marriage so it is severely damaged. If you have friendships that hurt your marriage, then you need to pull back from them, as difficult as that may seem. It’s the same principle as “cutting off the hand that causes you to sin.”

One is a temporary hurt, and yet it eventually leads to a better end; and one leads to having you continually hurt your marriage which can cause it to break under the pressure.
Years ago I had a friend that enjoyed smoking. And that was fine for that friend. But when she kept trying to get me to smoke, and I determined in my mind that I didn’t want to end up a smoker, I had a choice to make. I could either keep up my friendship with this person and eventually become a smoker (because she wouldn’t stop pushing the cigarettes at me and I knew I would eventually give in to appease her) or I would cut off our friendship and find another friend.

As difficult as it was to cut off the friendship, I’m now glad I made that choice (especially as I see other friends who are struggling to try to quit smoking).
If you have a friendship that is hurting your marriage, you have a choice to make. Is this friendship more important to you than your spouse and is the vow you made when you married less important than your friendship, or what?

Sometimes we have friendships that are good for us “for a season” but then it’s time to move on from there because they just aren’t working anymore. A friendship is different than a marriage. With a marriage, you entered into covenant with your spouse and also with God. To leave that marriage for the sake of an outside friendship (no matter how strong the friendship bond was at one time), you are breaking a solemn vow. You need to realize that.

author unknown

God's Handmaidens

2009-05-25T15:13:00.000-07:00

For single men and women

Some of you do not understand the benefits of being single. In reality, while you're not married, you really out to be involved with God. Single women often forget some very important advantages they have. At five o'clock in the morning you can lie in bed and pray in the spirit until seven-thirty. You can lie prostrate on the floor and worship the Lord without having to answer to anyone. This time in your life is for you to charge up the battery cells. It's time to pamper-time to take luxurious baths in milk and honey. You can lie there in the bath , praising and worshiping the Lord for as long as you want.

Before you ask the Lord for another man, take care of Him. If you are not ministering to His needs, and yet you are always before Him asking Him to send you one of His princes to minister to, your prayers are not being heard because you are not being faithful to Him. When you become faithful in your singleness, then you will be better prepared to be faithful with a husband.

If you disregard the perfect husband, Jesus, you will certainly disregard the rest of us. The Lord wants you to come home at the end of a day and say, "Lord, I went through so much today. I am so glad You're here. I just couldn't wait to get alone and worship You and praise You and magnify You. Tonight is our night. I'm not so busy that I don't have time for You." If you don't have time for God, you don't have time for a husband.

There is nothing wrong with wanting to be married. Simply take care of the Lord while you're waiting. Minister to Him. Let Him heal you and loose you, and worship Him. Single women ought to be the most consecrated women in the church. you are the ones whose shadows ought to fall on people and they be healed. You are in a position and posture of prayer. The Lord has become your necessary food. While some married women are dependent on their husbands, single women learn to be dependent on the Lord. God told Joel, "...and on My maidservants I will pour out My Spirit" (Joel 2:29).

There is a special relationship between God and the single believer. God has a special anointing for the woman who is free to seek Him. Her prayer life should explode in miracles!

T.D.Jakes

Dating A Married Man

2009-05-22T21:21:00.000-07:00

Are you dating a married man, or just tempted to? And while wer’re on the subject, do you even know the signs you’re dating a married man? Tessa, a single Christian woman who was dating a married man, and lived to tell the whole sad story:

I found your web site while searching for healing. I fell in love with a man I knew (and previously dated) in high school. I had broken up with him 25 yrs ago b/c he cheated on me (I could never prove it, but I knew in my heart) and lied a lot. So….I run into him 25 yrs later…he and I were going through (supposedly) the exact same life situation…bad marriage on the verge of divorce, unsympathetic spouse, pain, loneliness, etc. The only difference was his marriage was totally done (they had the talk, agreed on the date…as soon as she had finished her last college degree) and mine was not.

Dating this married guy started as him emailing and calling as ‘a dear old friend.’ He would tell me how much he prayed…how much he had changed. I was smitten. I believed in him 100% b/c I was desperate for the attention and the romance. I compromised everything I believed in. My marriage almost ended. Our two children were a mess, as I was in ‘heaven’ with this guy occupying almost every thought (can you say idolatry?). Things started to self destruct when that ‘odd feeling’ in my gut told me that he was a liar (like he used to be).
The date of his impending divorce came and went, and he started to get very snippy and defensive if I even so much as inquired about his wife or his divorce. The more I started to inquire, the more he started to back-track. He ended up totally throwing me under the bus. If my husband would have left me, I would now be living alone…probably without my children.

Like one other women said to me, trust your gut…ask the questions…if a guy gets ticked off, then he’s not the one (he’s also probably a liar and/or a narcissist).
If a guy really is Christian, he would not lead you to commit adultery, nor justify why he does it. There is NO justifying it. And if he’s doing it with you, he’ll do it TO you. I found out in my quest for answers that this guy has a problem with pornography, has girlfriends in at least 3 states, and is looking for more (and is STILL married). And yes, his wife knows about me. I doubt their marriage will survive, but that’s up to them (and God).

I know much of this is my own fault. I erroneously thought that somehow I was helping to lead this guy to the Lord, when in fact, he was leading me into the pit of hell. On the other hand, I am so BLESSED that my husband decided to stick in there with me. We are rebuilding our marriage and it is better than ever. For people who say that when the feeling is gone, your marriage is over, I say NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE WITH GOD. That is a lie society has told us.

And for any of you contemplating any kind of relationship of any kind with a married man, I tell you this: RUN!! That is God’s word to “…run from sexual sin.” The reason is b/c it will tear your heart and soul to pieces. Also know that God gives us His Word to protect us, not for some twisted type of control used to keep us from really enjoying life as satan would have us believe. It is not o.k. for you to be friends either. That’s how it all starts….small compromises.

We all know that there are two paths in this world–the one of light and the one of darkness. There is no middle ground. Satan likes to convince us otherwise. Read your Bible people…it’s the best weapon against ‘the great deceiver’. And PRAY PRAY PRAY. Tell the guy to look you up if and when he actually does get a divorce (and I don’t just mean filing the papers). If it’s so ‘inevitable’ and ‘upcoming’, it shouldn’t take long. Even then, I would be extremely cautious. Make sure the guy’s lines (and actions) match up with scripture….that’s the real test.

Finally, what’s so bad being by yourself? Enjoy your “single hood”. You’re better off that way…and remember to “Seek first His Kingdom, and you will be given the desires of your heart.” That’s actually how I met my husband :). I finally had given up on dating…on finding a man myself. I gave it to God, and took a chance on a very nice man who wasn’t the “charmer” or the “bad boy” I usually dated (and was thinking I was missing out on something later on). But guess what? His heart makes him more and more attractive to me every day, and here is a man who would stay by me through anything….even adultery, and even though it took everything he had to stay. God bless him for that (I know He will!).

And praise be to God for delivering me from that horrible, deceitful situation and mindset, and for giving me another chance.

Thanks Tessa for sharing!

http://christian-dating-service-plus.com/blog/

What Every Husband Should Know About His Wife

2009-05-20T15:16:00.001-07:00

A wife’s most basic needs in marriage are:
(1) to be cherished,
(2) to be known and
(3) to be respected.

She Needs to be Cherished
“Lisa has everything she could possibly need. She doesn’t have to work, she buys lots of clothes, we live in a great place, we take wonderful vacations, I’m faithful—but she’s miserable.” Doug shook his head and said, “I just don’t get it.”
We talked a bit more about his seven-year marriage and how he tried to express his love for Lisa. “I’m not the talkative type, Doc,” he said. “I show my love by providing the very best I can for her.” This poor husband didn’t realize that his love-starved wife would have traded all the clothes and vacations in the world for a little tenderness from him.

Without meaning to, a husband can completely miss one of his wife’s most important needs: to be cherished. This need is too often overlooked by husbands because we don’t feel the need for it as deeply as women do. But that doesn’t discount its validity. Your wife needs to be cherished.
She needs to know she is number one in your life. If it came down to an evening with your buddies or a night with your wife, she needs to know you would choose her—not because you have to, but because you want to.

What can you do to cherish your wife?

Consider how often you say, “I love you.”
Some men don’t feel the need to say it with words, but every wife has an insatiable need to hear it. Your wife also needs evidence that you are thinking about her during your day. A small gift or a quick phone call to say, “You are on my mind,” can mean the world to her.
As a man, you probably have no idea of the effect you can have on your wife by being gentle and tender, making her feel cared for.
…Does cherishing your wife mean sacrificing golf games, success at work, or nights out with the boys? Believe it or not, the answer is no. When your wife is satisfied in knowing that she takes first place in your life, when she knows she is the most important thing in the world to you, she will encourage you to do the things you enjoy. It is part of the mystery of marriage: When a woman is truly, genuinely cherished, she feels free to encourage her husband’s independence.
“To love and to cherish” is more than a phrase from your wedding vows. It is one of the most important needs your wife will ever have. By meeting it, you are sure to build a partnership that brings you both pleasure…

• She Needs to be Known
To meet your wife’s important need to be known, you need to actively listen to her, reflecting back to her what she is saying and feeling, and genuinely wanting to understand her. This point cannot be overemphasized: Women need to have their feelings validated and accepted. They need to have you see and experience the world the way they do, instead of explaining to them why they shouldn't’t see it that way.
Men have a tough time realizing that offering a listening ear is all a woman needs at times —or a comforting hug, a loving statement like “You are hurting, aren’t you?” or “You are under a lot of pressure, aren’t you?” Listening to your wife talk without offering quick solutions is the only way to meet her need to be known.

• She Needs to be Respected
Men are usually quite unaware of how much women need to be respected. Why? Because when men are not respected they react very differently. A man who doesn’t feel respected, for example, is apt to become self-righteous and indignant. He feels even more worthy of respect when others don’t respect him. He may even give less until he gets what he feels he deserves.
Women operate differently—when they are not respected they feel insecure and lose their sense of self. That is why it is so vital for you to take special care of your partner’s need for respect.
There are a number of ways to show respect to your wife. To begin with, do not try to change or manipulate her, but rather, honor her needs, wishes, values, and rights.

Respecting your wife also mean including her in decisions. I have known men who will make decisions about relocating to a new job in another part of the country without even consulting their wives. I don’t know of a quicker way to tear down a woman’s sense of self and ruin the possibility of a happy marriage.

Build your wife’s self-esteem and sense of security by asking for her input whenever you can, even on the small things. When you make a decision that might affect her, say: “I’m thinking about.What do you think of that?” or “I’m thinking we should.What would you like?”
Respect says, “I support you, you are valuable to me, and you don’t have to be any different from who you are.” In return for this respect a woman will be able to relax. She will not have a compulsive need to prove herself as an equal, but will automatically feel and be equal. What a wonderful way to live with a woman.
author unknown