-By Cindy Wright
The question was posed to us at Marriage Missions:
I wish we could say that it would be just fine for this couple to stay in the same house alone together before they marry because I’m sure it would be much more convenient that way. The problem isn’t just in the fact that they’re staying in the same house together when they’re single, because they could be very innocent in their motives and their actions.
Before I was a Christian, I was in that kind of situation several times and I still stayed pure — so I know it is possible.
The problem is, that they are putting themselves into a situation which gives the enemy of our faith a foothold to tempt them. The spiritual enemy of darkness is very clever and wants to rob them of being pure for their wedding night and will stop at nothing to convince them that they can give in to their temptation and they’ll be just fine. (A good example of this is Adam and Eve.)
And this is true even if one or the other of them has had sexual relations before this. When you know something to be sin, you are to stop immediately and not do it again.
The enemy of our faith wants to steal from us and God any type of spiritual victory that’s possible. For this reason the temptations are very tuned in to the person who is being tempted, so there’s more of a possibility of making the fall into sin. God’s enemies know each one of us personally and have studied what has the best chance of bringing us down for the purpose of displeasing God and hurting His heart.
The Bible says to flee temptation so this couple needs to know that if they put themselves into a place where they are alone with their temptation, they are vulnerable and aren’t obeying God’s warnings.
Also, the Bible tells us to stay away from even the “appearance of evil.” If this couple stays together like this — even if they are innocent, they will give fuel to someone who can accuse them of doing more than they are. Many people would never believe that a couple could stay together in circumstances like this and not fall into sin so the lies could take root in someone else’s mind (even if this couple is innocent). This will hurt their testimony and the testimony of Christ. And because we aren’t supposed to be a stumbling block to someone who is weaker in their faith, this could put them into that kind of situation.
If this couple asks a friend or relative to stay in the home when they are there together, then this could work — as long as the person is someone who is trust-worthy and who won’t lie about the situation at some later date. Or maybe one or the other could stay with a friend or relative in the area during these times. They’re bound to know someone who could make this possible.
The main thing is… you want to keep the relationship in the best light possible until it is time for them to marry. I’ve never heard of a person who takes the higher road by protecting how things are, and how they appear to be, to regret it later. But I’ve heard of many who give in, only to deeply regret it later.
We pray this answer will help in some way. We really admire the integrity of any couple who chooses stay pure. Doing things God’s way is commendable — not enough people consider God’s feelings in all of this. Congratulate this couple for us. We’re proud of them.
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Posted by Lady A at 5:40 PM
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Christian or not, first date etiquette can be tricky when it comes to
knowing how to end a first date. It’s hard to be dogmatic about first date etiquette for the simple reason that each first date is different
from all others. However the following first date etiquette guidelines on how to end a first date may help. For first
date etiquette rules for first dates in general.
Need a brush up on First date do’s and don’t’s? Going on your first date with someone you met though one
of the online dating services like eHarmonycan be fun and exciting, but also a little scary. Let’s face it, the primary purpose of a first date is to assess whether there is enough chemistry to spend even more
time together. There are a number of first date “do’s and don’t’s” questions to consider:
- What will we do on our first date?
- What should I wear?
- What should be the topic of conversation?
- How do I end the first date?
While each first
date is as different as the number of singles in the world, there are a number of “first date do’s and dont’s that can help you have a
First Date Dating Do's and Don'ts
This first dating step should occur before you step out your door. Make sure you are familiar with online safety dating tips, and plan accordingly.
Choose activities where you will be able to speak with your date. I know movies and concerts are popular dates, but what good is it if you spend three hours together, but are not able to verbally communicate? Remember, great conversation causes sparks to fly, and is also a way to ascertain where your date’s heart is.
Be totally centered on your date, even if there are numerous people nearby. This means giving your utmost attention to them by listening intently to their words and body language. This will not only help you interpret how the first date is going and when to call it a night, but will also make the other person feel more confident and relaxed.
Your dress should be casual and attractive, but not sexually provocative. I’m sure you know what I mean (:
Use humor and light-heartedness to relax yourself and your date.
As Christian singles, it is totally appropriate and attractive to end the evening holding hands in prayer to the Lord, asking Him to guide you in this dating relationship.
First Date Dating No-Nos
Never spend your first date speaking about your previous relationships and dating partners. Nothing is a bigger turnoff or more boring. Yuck! ):
Don’t monopolize the conversation by centering too much on your own stories and needs.
Don’t share your deepest, darkest secrets (and everyone has some) on your first date. We are not saying to not be honest and open, just allow some time to get to know each other in person.
Posted by Lady A at 2:51 PM
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Most of us either knows someone who is planning on getting married or maybe you’re planning that special event yourself in the future. If that’s true, then you’ll want to pay attention to what Dr Randy Carlson has to say in this Marriage Message. In it, he gives various reasons you shouldn’t get married, or you shouldn’t marry the person you are planning on marrying, or it’s good information to give to someone else who is planning a wedding, to prayerfully consider. It comes from a magazine called “Insights and Inspiration” that the the ministry of Family Life Radio used to send out to their subscribers. This article was featured in their November 2006 issue and is titled, “Seven Reasons Not to Get Married.” Here is what Dr Carlson shares: “Those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this” (1 Corinthians 7:28b). Can you imagine this passage of Scripture quoted as part of a wedding ceremony? The Apostle Paul’s realistic take on marriage goes against the romantic ideal of “love at first sight” and, even more, the belief that wedlock will bring perpetual bliss. But Paul’s opinion on marriage (not surprisingly, Paul chose to remain single) does spotlight a truth that couples cannot afford to ignore — whether they’re contemplating getting married, are already engaged, or have been wed for years. Being a husband or wife is not easy. More specific, marriage will, at times, bring great difficulty. Divorce remains prevalent because many couples do not realize this, so when trouble comes, they give up too soon, hurt and disillusioned as their definition of what a marriage should be becomes shattered. I don’t want that to happen to you. Therefore, I put together this unusual list, and even did an entire radio program on this topic — the Seven Reasons Not to Get Married — to give you the reality check you need to go into marriage, or continue onward in your existing marriage, with your eyes wide open. Consider each one carefully and honestly. You should probably not get married if… 1. You are unwilling to put the needs of another person above your own. Romans 12:10 says, “Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves.” In the Greek, “devoted” is defined in this verse as reciprocal tenderness, while “honor” is identified as showing deference to another person. How often are these characteristics apparent in how you behave toward your fiance or spouse? 2. You are easily offended, carry grudges and are unwilling to forgive.An overly sensitive, vengeful or calloused attitude has no place in any relationship, especially a marriage. The Bible gives you the challenging yet correct standard: “Forgive as the Lord forgave you” (Colossians 3:13b). 3. You are an abusive person (mentally, emotionally, physically). Author and domestic violence expert Lundy Bancroft finds that abusers — who, by the way, are primarily men but also include women — abuse for a variety of reasons, including a need for power and control, finding someone to blame for their problems, and wanting to be the center of attention. Do you see yourself anywhere in these attributes? 4. You do not share the same beliefs, values, life priorities or vision.“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh” (Genesis 2:24). Oneness is essential in marriage, and its foundation is built on these characteristics. 5. You have an unresolved addiction problem. “Like a city whose walls are broken down,” Proverbs 25:28 says, “is a man who lacks self-control.” The Web site Addictions.org lists a variety of harmful addictions affecting millions of people, including addictions to sex, shopping, sleeping, people pleasing, perfectionism, pornography, and overworking. Each will undermine a marriage if ignored. 6. Your career is the most important thing in your life. Philippians 2:3says, “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.” Selfish ambition is interpreted in the Greek as “a desire to put one’s self forward, a partisan and fractious spirit,” while vain conceit is identified as “groundless, empty pride.” Examine how your profession shapes who you are. Does it bring out these traits in you? 7. You are unwilling to be an active sexual partner with your spouse. As a couple, read 1 Corinthians 7:1-5. The Bible speaks directly to this vital issue; verse 3 is clear: “The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband.” There’s no room in a healthy marriage for sexual games, and an active sexual relationship works to ward off temptation to sin. Don’t be discouraged if you struggle with any of the above reasons. A quality marriage is not defined as one that’s perfect. But do yourself, and your future or current spouse, a favor by committing to change or grow stronger individually in each area. You won’t regret it, and will be able to face and overcome the “troubles” of marriage with unity and in God’s power. To read more marriage advice from Dr Carlson, you can visit his web site at:www.theintentionallife.com. Cindy and Steve Wright www.marriagemission.com
You should probably not get married if…
Cindy and Steve Wright
Posted by Lady A at 6:38 AM
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Posted by Lady A at 10:22 AM
Friday, March 12, 2010
Posted by Lady A at 6:19 AM