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Monday, December 14, 2009

See You Jan. 2010!

Hello lovely peoples! I would like to thank each and every one of you who are followers, silent followers, stalkers, readers, viewers and supporters of this blog. However, due to the holiday season and all that is going on, I will not be posting on this blog until Jan. 2010.

Therefore, I'm taking a nice break from ALL of my blogs. I want to come back refreshed, renewed, rejuvenated, and have fresh new material for you all.

I will be doing some rearranging of this blog. Some of you all may know that I manage 5 blogs. Well, I will now condense them down to 3! I will be combining my Inspirational blog with Single Or Married This Is For You. So now you all will have a mixture of posts. I will be changing the title of this blog, so don't be alarmed, same blog, but different title.

Thank you all again for the love and support. Special shout out to all my commentors! I appreciate it. I hope and trust that everyone will have a wonderful Christmas and a Happy New Year!

Be safe, I love you all, and let 2010 be the best year from now on out. Live your life to the fullest in Jesus name! Amen!

See you all next year! (Sounds far doesn't it, lol!)

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Top 3 Fears of Single Women and Men

Fear of Rejection

Some single women and men are scared of reaching out to singles of the opposite sex for fear of being rejected by them.
Most singles who have this kind of fear and trepidation are gentle and sweet people. Unfortunately, they often transfer their own negative feelings about themselves onto others, thinking that the person they are interested in dating feels the same way.
Everyone is a loser with this kind of fear. The other single guy or girl the fearful person is attracted to will never know it, and the single with the fear of dating will never experience what he or she is missing.

Fear of Being Vulnerable

Closely connected to the fear of rejection, some single Christians hold their feelings so close to themeselves that others can never get to truly know them. Did you ever meet someone like that? They will only let you get so close, and then they mysteriously back away. You may have had an interest in getting to know them better, but their fear of being vulnerable precludes any possibility of a meaningful relationship.

This kind of fear keeps a single person from connecting emotionally and spiritually with others. Since the ability to be vulnerable is a necessary ingredient in successful dating or marriage relationships, the person who is afraid in this area experiences many missed opportunities or shallow and short, unsatisfying relationships.

Many Christians singles who are fearful of opening up to others on a heart level come from abusive backgrounds, such as adult children of alcoholics.

Fear of Change

Many single women and men alike remain single because they fear moving out of their comfort zones by taking faith filled risks. Singles who fear change are creatures of habit, and feel safe with the “same old” ways of meeting people to date. For example, using online dating services, even if shown to be beneficial, would be a very scary experience if they never tried one before.

We all would agree that change can be a scary experience. However, single women and men who have a fear of change naturally limit themselves in the ways they can meet a mate or date.

What God Says About Fear

The Lord has an awful lot to say about fear. One of the main things that jumps out at you as you read the Scriptures is that God continually admonishes us not to fear.

For example, in a New Testament passage in Mark 5:36, Jesus encourages a father whose daughter was ill: “Don’t be fearful, just believe.” How interesting! On the one hand we have fearfulness; on the other we have belief and trust. If you really think about it, faith and fear cannot coexist. One will have to give way to the other.

Overall, if you are a single Christian woman or man struggling with fear issues that are holding you back from from meeting your soul mate, take cheer! You are definitely not alone in your fears, and there is help for you. We suggest you pray over the following suggestions:

  • Talk about your fears with a reputable Christian counselor, singles group pastor or trusted friend. Oftentimes, speaking about our fears with someone else brings us back to reality and gives us hope for the future. The advice they offer could also be liberating.

  • Let God’s word and Spirit soothe your heart and fears as you look up and meditate on what He says on the topic. Here are a few paraphrased verses to get you started:

Psalm 34:4: The Lord is able to deliver you from all your fears.
Isaiah 51:7: Do not fear the reproach of others or be terrified of their insults
Proverbs 29:25: Fear of men (whether they be single or not) is a snare.
Joshua 1:8: Don’t be afraid or discouraged because God is with you.
1John 4:18: God has a perfect love that casts out all fear.

Finally, if you are a single woman or man with further advice on the topic of fear and dating, please consider helping other singles by sharing your comments about fear.

Monday, December 7, 2009

Romance II

Enjoy! ~Lady A~

Bring it on YNC:

(Romance 102 part 2)
a)The first step for anyone who has ever felt mistreated or hurt in any relationship is acceptance of oneself and improving ones self-esteem. You have to learn to move on from the past and ask yourself. What next? What can be done for a better romantic relationship. It might take weeks or months to heal. During your healing phase, take a pen and paper and list what you want. Think about any new romance like a market list, whenever you hit the store, you always have your small list with you to know what you're buying. If you fail to have the list, you might find yourself coming home with something you don't need. So in any new relationship you find yourself getting into, ask yourself. What do I want? Do I want the same old baggage? No! List and be realistic for what you wishing for:

Example of a romantic list:
  • I know he is not going to be 100% perfect but I accept it
  • I want a God fearing man
  • I want a man who shares my values, my goals
  • I want a man who is romantic
  • I want a man who is caring
  • I want a man who respect womenI want a man who has a reasonable education
  • I want a man with manners
  • I want a man who my family will love
  • I don't want a drunkard
  • I don't want a womanizer

b)Stop making excuses and remove any doubt, enough is enough. How long will you keep giving excuses as to why romance does not exist? It exist, it's your mindset, you have to change it now. You can't receive something good in your life if you don't believe in it. So it's about time to start believing in romance, it sure exist. The Mr. Right for you is silently waiting for a chance in your life, he's around the corner but he will only show up when the excuses and doubt stop. Think about it like this, if you kept making excuses for everything in your life, chances are by now, your life would be so miserable. You won't even graduate college if you believed it wasn't your thing. So tell yourself right now, I will remove from my mind every doubt regarding my next relationship. I know my Mr. Right will find me. Seriously mean it from your heart.

c)Once you stop making excuses and have set realistic goals for your next relationship. It is now time to focus on keeping an open mindset and being at the right place at the appointed time. By having an open mindset, I refer to being sociable with the new people you happen to run into. You can't size someone the moment you meet them. He might not be sexy for you but that does not mean he is not the one. He might not have the right profession but hey, he might be your Mr romantic. The right places in your life is places you find yourself going to all the time. It might be your job, the grocery store, church, cocktail parties, friends, relationship with families, that busy downtown bar, it could be anything. Just focus on your life and do what you normally enjoy doing. If you are a college student, you never know when you might find yourself running into Mr right. If you are a busy lawyer, it might be the new consultant working for your firm. If you are a single nurse, it might be that new male nurse in your unit. If you are visiting your relatives, they might be the ones to know someone good for you. It could be anything people.

e)So now you happen to find Mr. Right who happen to share all your values, the next step is for you to learn to be the bigger person. Don't immediately start to think that what Mr. "x" did to you will repeat itself with new Mr. "B." No! Rather focus on getting to know this new person and seeing what good can be found in it, if you quickly start hating every good that Mr "B" presents into your life. Nothing good might happen from that relationship. The fact that Mr. "x" was not romantic in your life does not mean that Mr. "B" will not be romantic. Take risk with Mr. "B," if he wants to take you for a walk downtown, park the car and go for a walk with him. If he wants you both to go see the museum, do it together, don't say this guy is nuts. If he wants you both to go on a romantic date and he's broke, offer to help split the bill. If he buys your roses, accept it and smile, don't say...he wants some sugar. By sugar, I mean SEX. It's all about growing from the past, not moving back to the past.

f)Suddenly everything I listed worked out in your new relationship, it's 3 months and you are starting to feel the butterflies and all that love feeling everyone loves. Your friends see that you are glowing. The new guy has asked you to become his girlfriend.

So what next:

(Step 1): Smile and be happy

(Step 2): don't forget that any new relationship takes work to remain good

(Step 3): Learn to be the bigger person in your new relationship to keep the romance alive at all times. If your new guy doesn't like you swearing, avoid doing so. If he wants you to be stop wearing short skirts, don't curse him out. Do it. If you going to be fighting him all the time over everything, you might suddenly find yourself single again and writing another list. It's all about learning how to be the bigger person in any relationship.

g) With all said, you are now on the right track towards "romance 103" which is all about engagements, marriage and keeping it all together forever. Now you are officially welcome to the club, go grab your ticket. See you there, can't wait to see what you be wearing. Cheers!So with everything said today, I pray to God to bless us all in our relationships, to anyone looking for true love, never give up on love. It will find you sooner than you think, just keep being positive, believe in romance for your blessing is on the way. Also, let us not forget those in need at this special time of the month, if you see or know anyone that has nothing to eat this thanksgiving, share with the little you have. Even if you don't have money to give, give your time, call a good friend. Do something for someone and may God richly bless us all as "we" think about others in need. I hope we all have a good thanksgiving week. I am out of here, will be back to read all your blogs. Stay blessed. Bye!

Author: Yankee Najia Chick

Friday, December 4, 2009

Romance I

This is an article written by one of my favorite bloggers. I am sure you all will find this information very useful. Enjoy!

Good So your girl has been thinking lately about this topic, "Romance 101 part 1" knowing my anniversary happens to be next week with my baby. I have been with the man of my dreams now for 3 years. Love is like a roller coaster ride, some days everything feels like paradise, sometimes you find yourself wondering, what in the world am I doing with this nutty man? So in blogging about Romance 101 part 1, I really don't want anyone to pass judgement or feel obligated to challenge their love life, I want us to all learn from this and better our lives for good. So grab yourself a cup of warm coffee and enjoy reading. Cheers!

What is Romance? A lot of people often refer to romance as the love between a boy and a girl. Others think of roses, kisses, making love, the juicy details involved when a man wants a woman. There is no perfect definition for defining romance,I might define it as falling in love, you might see it as being in love, others might call it worst nightmare for anyone. Well, why are we talking about romance? You might ask me.

3 weeks ago, I happened to run into a Naija sister with complains about a guy she was dating. The dude happen to be African, he wanted to befriend this sister but he wasn't ready to woo her into anything. All he wanted was a relationship right away.I really don't know what he was thinking, but a lot of guys fail to realize that we women love to be swept off our feets prior to being in a relationship. We all want to experience the perfect butterfly feelings, a nice dinner, get roses and teddies, everything cutie that women love. But gone are those days, guys today just want "Yes/No" answers before they waste their money on any woman. Will I say the economy is affecting the mentality of today's man or perhaps times have changed, we have to pass judgements right away before wasting resources on any woman. What do you think?

Whatever happened to the prince charming of yesterday? Today's men now curse women openly. A sister was telling me that she refused to date a Naija man, next thing the guy told her " She lacked proper etiquette, she was loud and not cute" ...are you for real? So are you saying today's men now flip the coin both ways, you refuse a date with me, this is what you get. The sister was depressed for weeks knowing she was asking question, do I really lack proper etiquette? She went on a holy war with herself to change her ways and have ladylike manners, she told me that when next she meets a man, if he wasn't her type and rejected her. She was ready to blast him immediately with WORDS, that was her definition of holy war. Is this what the new romance is turning into where we play games with each other? I pity the next guy who happens to step on her toes, he had better be prepared for what he gets.

Another frequent complain from lots of women and men is that there are few good ones out there? A lot of people fail to realize that LOVE will only find you when it's the right time. Sometimes there might be a purpose why things are not happening so soon. Maybe it's not yet time for you to be in a relationship, maybe you are not yet mature enough to handle Mr Right. Prince charming might be knocking on the door for some ladies, but due to their judgemental minds about romance and love, they immediately turn him down saying, " He doesn't fit my list of Mr Perfect." These women tend to forget that there is no perfect man, even they themselves have flaws and ain't Miss Perfect. How do we solve this mess?The new complain from lots of people today regarding romance is that it's just a myth. Today's romance for some people is all about smile, eat out and make love immediately. Some people refuse dating, they immediately want "SEX" on the first date. Whatever happened to patience in dating, I get to know you for 6-7 months, and we move on from there? A lot of guys and women are rushing their lives and following the system, people want everything to happen now now. It's either she is for me, I taste the juicy fruit or move on from there. The media plays a big role in influencing today's men and women knowing, movies and TV programmes all view romance between a man and a woman as dating in 3 days and making "LOVE" quickly. Are we missing the gap? Is this the new definition of ROMANCE?

Another popular complain from many men and women today is that: If am so romantic to a woman, she would think am fake and want to get some sugar. Most men complain that they are ready to be romantic to any woman they meet, but recently a lot of women have been giving them the "Mean" eye regarding romance. Miss too independent and strong for love, most women also need to soften up and enjoy when being wooed by a man. Some women have already programmed their minds into believing that ROMANCE doesn't exist anymore, therefore when Mr right comes to woo them, they simply reject everything. He sends you a dozen roses, you send it back. He wants to take you to a nice movie, you instantly say NO. What about a nice walk by the London Bridge, the two of us? You immediately question his motives, does this dude think I walk, I drive. Some women have this strong block in their minds, until that block is moved away, they may never experience the joy of falling in love and experiencing the real romance for themselves.

One thing I notice that have changed the way people view romance is "CAREER CHOICES." Today men and women now use career as a #1 criteria before anything can be done, if the man is a doctor and the woman is a lawyer, some guys immediately say, this is the one without even getting to know her. They want somebody that measures up to their potential, we both have to have doctorate degrees or no romance 101. The type of woman they can brag about to their peers, whatever happened to accepting a woman as she is? Even women today are no saints, some women only want men that are politicians, doctors, lawyers, this and that NAME. Spare me the names, if God or whatever religion you practice has destined for your Mr right to be a Teacher.(I am not saying teachers are bad)... Accept it and move on, you can't limit yourself to love by waiting for MR PRESIDENT.

Anyways, I rest my case this morning. Romance is truly complicated, there is no right or wrong answer. The concluding "part 2" will be out next week with a solution for the everyday man and woman. I will also include a short romantic video of my LOVE LIFE for anyone interested, with a story. Stay tuned for Part 2, it would be out during thanksgiving week. Have a good day everyone.

Monday, November 30, 2009

Cultivate Your Life With Your Wife

*For married men
In his series, The Purpose of the Male Man, Dr. Myles Munroe (one of my favorite motivators) expounds on how God has created and designed the ‘male’ man to be a cultivator.

Genesis 2:15 says, “And then the Lord God took the man and put him into the Garden of Eden to cultivate it and keep it.”

Cultivate means to make something grow, produce, and increase. Dr. Munroe says that the original assignment God left for Adam was for him to make the garden better.
In this, we men also find our assignment. God placed Adam in the Garden of Eden. Where has God placed you? Who has God placed you with?

As husbands, I want to encourage us all to cultivate our wives! Brothers, let’s rise to the occasion to help our wives bloom and blossom into something much more than they are today—that both their inner and outer beauty would continually increase.

And, I do not mean trying to ‘change’ her. But when a gardener tends his garden, he gives to it. He tills the soil; he waters it regularly; he doesn’t allow weeds to grow; he applies the right fertilizers (nutrients); and he kills off all harmful pests.

Because he loves his garden and wants its beauty to flourish, he’ll do anything it takes, and do it faithfully.

How can we cultivate our wives? I want to recommend something from Dr. Gary Chapman. In his book, The Five Love Languages (How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate). He encourages us to understand the “love language” spoken by our spouse. He highlights five ways people express and receive love:

Words of Affirmation: encouragement through words (can be verbal or written).
Quality Time: focused and intentional time spent together.
Receiving Gifts: gifts are visual symbols of love.
Acts of Service: doing something to meet a practical need for the other person.
Physical Touch: hugs, rubs, kisses, strokes, and touch that conveys warmth and affection.
Dr. Chapman says that it’s important for us to know what our spouse’s primary love language is —and not to just use the expression that we naturally favor, but to relate to our spouse in the language that is their primary language.

Some ways you can discover your wife’s love language are: by observing to see how she expresses love; or by experimenting to see which of these expressions of love she best responds to when you use it on her. Another way is by simply asking (don’t be shy to ask).

How’s her love tank?
Dr Chapman also borrows a term from Dr. Ross Campbell, a child psychologist, who says “Inside every child is an ‘emotional tank’ waiting to be filled with love.” This is likened to the oil tank in a vehicle. In order to run smoothly, it needs to be full and well maintained. The same is true for our marriages. How’s your wife’s emotional love tank?

Brothers, it might be time for all of us to check on that tank! It’s easy for us guys to get caught up in cars, sports, hobbies, and television. Hopefully, we are not spending more time on these than we are making deposits into our wife’s love tank! Chapman says that we can expect “people to behave differently when their emotional love tanks are full.”

Let’s really surprise and bless our wives by using her primary love language, filling up her love tank, and making a commitment to ourselves to cultivate her all year round!

Also commit to telling one friend about your cultivation pledge and plan. And, then call out the cultivator in him as well!


Friday, November 20, 2009

Making Peace With Your Past

Many Christian singles can’t get over the past. Several years back, I went on a Christian singles retreat, where the topic at hand was making peace with your past. Christian single after Christian single shared their sad stories of how a bad past experience, a soured relationship or a sexual sin had held them back from living victoriously in the present.
Although many Christian singles there that weekend desired a serious dating relationship leading toward a Christian marriage, few were even in a relationship, unable to get over the pain and fears that were actually keeping them single.

God’s Plan for Christian Singles

God’s plan for His dear children (Christian singles included) is that they lead abundant and joyful lives. In truth, however, some Christian singles walk defeated, unfulfilled lives. If you are one of those Christian singles today who is having a difficult time making peace with your past, take cheer! There IS hope for you.
The steps I learned on that retreat about “getting over” my past issues, I share with you:

Face Your Past and Leave it There

As Christian singles, this often means asking forgiveness if you’ve hurt someone, including God, or granting forgiveness if you’ve been the victim. Forgiveness is a wonderful healing salve that not only allows us to face our past honestly, but help us bring emotional closure, and move on. They key is Forgiveness and Forgiving arechoices Christian singles have to make. No one can force it on you. That’s a hard lesson, ain’t it?

Share With Others

That was the whole purpose of our Christian singles weekend. Sharing with others in a safe setting like a Christian singles group helps you keep perspective and can be very encouraging at the same time.

Believe God’s Promises

The Bible tells us that we can do all things through Christ, our risen Saviour. He wants to renew our spirits with His precious Holy Spirit, and helps us leave the past behind. The issue is whether or not we believe Him. Our Bible Verse of the day is found in Philipians 3:13,14:

“Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, 14 I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God has called me heavenward, through Christ Jesus."

Monday, November 16, 2009

Dating After Divorce

Dating after divorce for Christians is wrought with theological and emotional minefields. So before discussing dating tips for the newly divorced, let us express our simple views on what we feel the Bible teaches about divorce and remarriage. A future article will discuss this in depth.The bottom line is God hates divorce (Mal. 2:16), and desires couples to reconcile if at all possible. However, under certain circumstances where there has been unrepentant infidelity, the offended party may divorce and remarry. Of course, no one remarries without first going through a dating or courtship process.Finally, we believe dating after divorce should never be an end in itself, but should be part of a process that leads toward a lifelong commitment in marriage. Okay, ready to talk about some dating tips?

Dating After Divorce Tips

Take it Slow
Hello? You’ve just experienced the death of a relationship that you thought would last forever. You NEED time to grieve and heal. What we teach folks in Family Divorce Court classes is that they should do their best to avoid a dating after divorce relationship for at least one year after their divorce. Why?

  • Because you need to reacquaint yourself with who you are as a single person. For so long you may of thought in terms of “us”, but you are now alone. It’s a time for soul searching, taking stock of what went wrong and seeking the Lord for new direction in your life (Proverbs 3:5,6).

  • Not dating during this period of adjustment will save you from making stupid, impulsive mistakes. Remember, whether you admit it or not, you are in a vulnerable, needy state, and your self esteem has taken a beating. You could be taken advantage of during this time, and hearts could be further broken.

  • Even though you may be doubting your appeal to the opposite sex at this time, getting into rebound relationships will only delay your healing process. That’s a fact. Furthermore, statistics show that the vast majority of people who date shortly after a separation and/or divorce have a difficult time remaining sexually pure, make regrettable moral choices and tend to repeat prior relationship mistakes.

  • When you are finally ready to date again, you may want to consider the benefits of online dating. By starting online, you can proceed at your own pace in the safety of your own home.

Think of your children first

If you have children, the very worst thing you could inflict upon them is dating before you and they have properly healed and acclimated to a new way of life. Most kids dream about mommy and daddy getting back together again. That’s why they need time to face reality. When the time does come to introduce the children to your dating partner, this article on single parents dating and their kids may help.

Join a support group

There are many Christian singles groups specifically designed for the newly divorced, whether they have children or not. These can be a wonderful help to you and your family. Groups like DivorceCare.com meet all over the world and offer emotional and spiritual support. Here you can also meet people in your area who are struggling with similar dating issues.


Thursday, November 12, 2009

Seasons Change. Will You? 8 Ways

Fall is here! Fall is one of my favorite seasons because I get to enjoy the beauty of God’s creations as leaves change from bright yellows, to dark oranges and even deep reds, squirrels scurry to save food for the winter, and birds flee.

Fall is a season of change.

It’s a perfect time to re-evaluate our lives and see areas where we can
improve, or even change if necessary.

1. My attitude. I will change my attitude about life and how I define true happiness.
Happiness is not defined by my present circumstance, marital status, bank account, or
station in life, happiness is defined by simply knowing that my life and lifestyle
pleases my Master, Savior, and Creator, God. Happiness is defined by that inward witness
that comes with knowing I am at peace and at one with God, and knowing that God loves and
accepts me for who I am and that I love Him with an everlasting love because He first
loved me.

2. My outlook on life God has prepared and laid out a great future for me. The plans
He has for me are of peace and not evil, so that I can have an expected end.
The goodness God will bring to me during this season of change is to be expected,
because I realize that every good gift comes from above. As I continue to run to Him
in prayer and praise, seeking guidance and direction from above and not because of my own
selfish ambition, He will reveal His plans, purposes, and the secret things He has for my
life as long as I continue to have faith and believe that He wants what’s best for
me and
has my best interest at heart.

3. My walk No longer shall I walk with my head down in shame feeling “less than”
because no one is claiming me as their significant other. I will change the way I walk.
I will walk with my head up and shoulders back, knowing that I am a child of the most
High God and part of a royal priesthood. I don’t have to settle for relationships with
unbelievers because whoever I walk with, we, two shall walk in agreement and harmony.
My relationships will compliment who am I and help bring out the best in me – the God in
me. If they don’t, and if they hinder me and my relationship with God, then I chose to
walk alone. Then again, with Him I’m never alone, and me and my God can walk alongside
each other, hand in hand, fulfilling His perfect will and the plan that He has for my

4. My talk. I will change my words, which changes my environment and my outcome. I will
put away lying, swearing, and foolish, unfruitful conversations that only berate others.
I will no longer make negative confessions such as there are no good men out here, or
all the good ones are already taken; I will instead confess that there are plenty good
men out here and who God has for me is for me! I speak life over myself and others,
I see myself as God sees me, and I call myself wonderfully and fearfully made because He
says so. I am beautiful. I am a woman after God’s own heart. I am desirable. I am
lovely. I am all whom God says I am.

5. My mind I will continue to allow the Word of God to transform my thinking into the
way God thinks. No longer will I allow society or others dictate how I should formulate
my opinion on certain issues. As I read and meditate God’s Word, then His will becomes
my will. I love what He loves, and I hate what He hates. I hate lying because He hates
lying. I hate a proud tongue because He hates a proud tongue. I value and treasure life
because He values and treasures life. I hate sin because He hates sin. I will change
my mind and believe that God’s perfect will in regards to my life and relationships is
the best for my life because I believe Him and His Word to be true for me.

6. My perception of myself No longer will I perceive myself to be, “not wife material,” or not worthy of God’s love or love from someone else. I forgive myself and I
forgive others from past mistakes and pain, and I will go forward knowing that my past
does not define me nor dictate my future but that God defines me and determines my
destiny based on His Word. No longer will I be in bondage to past self perceptions or
self-esteem issues or perceived failures while growing up. I am free to forgive those
who hurt me or failed to teach me and lead by example, and I will allow the Comforter,
in the form of the Holy Ghost, to teach me how to become that virtuous woman and
eventually that virtuous bride who is a crown to her husband and will do him good and
not evil all the days of his life.

7. My relationship with God I will grow stronger and get closer to God with each
passing day. The more I read His Word, the more I become like Him. I will begin, and
not end my day with God. I will start off by praising and thanking Him, which will
lead into prayer. In my personal prayer closet where I normally meet with Him, I will
receive and fulfill instructions from Him which I will carry out to the full.
I treasure and protect my relationship with God more than any other relationship
in my life, and will put Him first in everything.

8. My destiny Day by day, as I seek His face and allow Him to order my steps, I
realize that with each day that I am one step closer to my destiny. I will not
participate in sin for a season which will cause my destiny to be placed on hold or
get off track, but I will continue forward in the plan that God has for my life,
remaining sensitive to the leading of the Holy Spirit and being prayerful about
every relationship along the way. In doing this, my destiny will become His destiny,
and the ultimate plan for my life, and I have joy knowing that my path is like a
shining light, that shineth more and more, brighter and clearer unto the perfect day.

Recite This Over Yourself Today!

Scripture References:

1. 1 John 4:19
2. Jeremiah 29:11, James 1:17
3. 1 Peter 2:9, 2 Corinthians 6:14, Amos 3:3
4. Ephesians 4:22-27, Psalm 139:14
5. Romans 12:2, Proverbs 6:16-19
6. John 14:26, Proverbs 12:4, Proverbs 31:12
7. Psalm 63:1
8. Psalm 119:133, Hebrews 11:24-25, Proverbs 4:18

Kim Brooks

Monday, November 9, 2009

Christian Singles Secrets

Many Christian singles walk around with the burden of carrying personal secrets bottled up deep in their hearts. Whether the secrets are unconfessed sexual sins, painful memories, regrets, shame-filled experiences or totally whacked out thoughts, God did not design us to deal with such raw issues by ourselves.

From the Garden, the Lord created mankind for intimate fellowship with no room for secrets. Adam’s hiding from God after eating of the fruit is the Bible’s first recorded secret. Do you ever wonder what God would have done if Adam and Eve confessed their little “secret” instead of hiding from their Lord? Anyway, we have been keeping secrets ever since, with negative consequences for ourselves and our relationships with others.

The Bible has a neat answer to secret keeping: It’s called confession. Over and over in Scripture, we see see a connection between honest confession and spiritual, emotional and physical healing:
  • If you confess your sins to God, He promises forgiveness and spiritual cleansing (1 John 1:9).
  • Lack of confession leads to physical and emotional turmoil; honest acknowledgement to God brings relief of guilt (Psalms 32-2-5).
  • While only God can forgive, He wants us to confess our sins to each other so that we may pray for each other and experience healing (James 5:6)
Only recently has modern psychology caught up with the Bible in terms of connecting private confession with physical, emotional and spiritual wellbeing. Dr. James Pennebaker, psychology professor at Southern Methodist University, documents a study which found that confessing our secrets can be good for the soul, lower blood pressure, lessen depression and increase your general sense of well being.

There is certainly no reason why we should not confess our secrets to our Lord, who loves (John 3:16) and sympathizes with us despite knowing all about us (Hebrews 4:13-15).
Despite the fact that confession leads to healing, there are many reasons why single Christians fail to confess secrets to others, whether they be a lack of an appropriate outlet, fear, embarrassment or unreal expectations from our own churches.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Masturbation Part II

When you masturbate, you're actually allowing a spirit to arouse you. At the point of climax, you are out of control. Your spirit is wide open, and you don't know what spirit of perversion has jumped inside you. While you're operating in demonic activity through masturbation, there is nothing safe about it.

Once the act is finished, only your flesh has been satisfied. Whether you dwelt on thoughts of the past or went into the fantasy land of the future, the enemy has just expanded his corruption of your mind. If you are a virgin and you masturbate, you have also opened yourself up to be plagued by a sexual drive that is out of control-even if that drive is subconscious (I personally have experienced this myself when younger, so true and it was so out of control to the point where I wanted to chop my own head off, I had no peace in my mind, LadyA). The enemy will not stop tempting you until your fantasy becomes a reality. This is why we must be renewed in the spirit of our mind.

And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God. Romans 12:2

Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of god, and bring into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ. 2 Cor. 10:5

We must make sure that our thoughts line up with who Christ says we are. First of all, repent. Then, take those ungodly imaginations and thoughts and say, "Satan, I rebuke you in Jesus' name. I cast this thing out of my mind. I am operating with a pure mind and pure thoughts. According to the Word of God, I am going to let Christ's mind be in me."---J. Bynum 'No More Sheets' My Accident
Be Continued.....

Monday, November 2, 2009

Masturbation Part I

Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. 1Cor.6:18

I define masturbation as a bait that the devil uses to master you. How does this sin get entrenched in a person's life? The most common way is to get involved with someone who is not God's will for your life. The ungodly acts you did together are engraved on your mind.

Now the mere memory entices you to indulge your flesh. It controls you constantly, even without the person being present. Satan laughs at this. He says, "I got you so hooked that I no longer need somebody to bring you down. I can send you to hell with the spirit of your own mind. I can cause you death by your own hands."

When many Christians are asked the question of whether or not masturbation is a sin or against the will of God, they are usually hard-pressed to find a direct Scripture reference prohibiting its practice. In response to that, I have a question. Is it possible for one to pleasurably engage in masturbation without the aid of pornographic material or without dwelling on imaginations that are contrary to the Word of God? The answer is absolutely not!

And if they right hand offend thee, cut it off, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell. Matthew 5:30

Now, read that Scripture again. If you were bound by masturbation and you heard Jesus preach that day, would you think? In my opinion, Jesus mad Himself very clear. Masturbation is sin, and it needs to be dealt with radically.

Many people feel that masturbation is just a physical release. But something happen in the spirit of your mind. Why you travel into the thought realm to such a depth that your body is aroused, you have tampered with demons. You have left the reality of today and transcended out of the natural and into the spiritual. If that spiritual realm is not God's realm, you have just exposed your spirit to a satanic realm that has more to offer than just sensation.--J. Bynum
To Be Continued......

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Sexual Sins and Staying Pure

Many of us struggle with sexual morality. Lets face it, staying sexually pure is one of the hardest things to do even for Christians. Statistics show that just as many Christians commit adultery or have premarital sex just as often as non believers. Many feel that it is impossible to stay pure in the eyes of God, and thats because it is-without God at least. God gives us the strength to do all things and we need to take advantage of this strength and self control that comes with our relationship with Jesus.

The bible warns us that any sin that you commit is against someone else except for sexual sins. Think about it. If you murder somebody, steal something, lie, or cheat you are sinning against another human. However if you lets say have sex before marriage then you have sinned against your own body. You have to deal with the pain and guilt of the fact that you took away your own purity. Also you may have had a child out of wedlock, or caught an STD. Now that definitely cannot happen from stealing.

The key is to ask God for self control. When you you do this, the Holy Spirit will give you what you need to stay pure. Nobody can do it alone, But with the Lord on your side, you can do anything, and you won’t end up sinning against yourself.

Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body.
1 Corinthians 6:18

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Banish The Bogeymen

Fears can bear a strong resemblance to that bogeyman under your bed that you used t worry about as a child-more shadow than substance, and more daunting for remaining unexamined. If you don't take positive steps to address them, fears can become a frequent or constant presence in your life and love.

Are you afraid of what's going to happen wit that big debt you and your partner have incurred? Do you worry about the health issues that you're observing in your parents and the potential ramifications might discover you're a phony in one way or another? All of these are real fears that may or may not be justified, but toting them around like an old backpack only gets you stressed and unhappy.

Before you can do anything constructive about a fear, you have to admit that it's there and give it a name. In the case of the unpaid debt, for example, are you afraid of losing everything and being ejected from house and home by debt collectors? Are you afraid of what the debt reveals about your or your partner's judgment or ability to provide? Perhaps you're afraid that others will find out that you don't have any financial substance. Giving your fear its true name is an essential step in getting beyond it.

Once you've seen the face of your bogeyman, it's possible to do something about it. In some cases, particularly when your fear has concrete sources, the next best step is to play out the possible scenarios and get further information. What are the bankruptcy laws in your state? Are there steps you can take now that will help you consolidate your debts? Suppose your friends find out. What do you honestly expect them to think or do? Do you really care about friends who would judge you for this.

Some fears have no real answers. Your father has a disease that has been shown to be hereditary in some cases. You fear that you may contract the disease, as well. Perhaps your fear can be allayed through more information, testing, or positive action. Facing the possibility of disability in the future with your partner and making contingency plans may help. In some cases, you may simply have to recognize that you don't know what will happen and choose to live fully and joyfully in the present.

There are frightening possibilities and uncertainties in every human life. We can live bondage to those fears, or we can face them, let them go, and make the most of every day that we're given.---Richard Carlson

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Release and Restore: Forgiveness in Relationshipsl

Have you ever given up on a relationship or noticed a difference in the way you connect with friends or your spouse because of an inability to get over past hurts and offenses? You have probably heard the saying "forgive and forget," but to someone who is upset after a challenging period in a friendship or marriage, this is often easier said than done. Many individuals use this phrase but do not understand the importance of its meaning to both the vitality of a relationship, and an individual's spiritual walk.

Unforgiveness and a refusal to let go of past hurts can haunt you for years. Imagine carrying around the fact that someone from your tenth–grade class embarrassed you in front of the entire school. Or, what if you find yourself having an "attitude" with your in–laws because you haven't gotten along in the past? Holding on to these types of situations actually hurt you more than they do the other person. It won't benefit you to remain angry with someone, instead, release the situation to God.

Relationships experience challenging times, but don't accept defeat by holding grudges and not releasing situations and people who have hurt you. Not only that, but the Word commands you to forgive others; it is a vital part of your spiritual walk. Matthew 6:14, 15 says, "For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses." God wants you to have every opportunity to receive His blessings and when you need it, His forgiveness. Don't block God's ability to do great things in your life because you find it hard to forgive someone else.
In the process of releasing past offenses, it is important to go beyond your feelings. Forgiveness isn't a feeling, it is something that you do by faith because in your emotions, you may not feel as if you have forgiven the person. However, don't let anything keep you from forgiving and forgetting. If you are a Christian, purposing to have a forgiving heart is a quality decision that you must make. Eventually, it should become second nature because it shows your respect and love for God and others.

Remember that you can always turn to God for help where your hurt feelings are concerned. Just as you would pray to Him for stability in your finances or peace in your home, pray to Him about the hurt that you feel. God is capable of not only healing your spirit of hurt and frustration, but He can also restore your relationships. He wants to see you make the effort to respond according to His Word—in love.

Forgiveness is necessary when attempting to build and strengthen relationships. Everyone, including you, makes mistakes and the act of forgiveness in itself is a relationship strengthener. Do not condemn yourself for finding it difficult to forgive, but know that every step you take toward walking in forgiveness demonstrates growth and maturity.

Your attitude is what can make the difference when it comes to repairing relationships that go through turbulent times. The urge to argue with someone who has wronged you or continue heated discussions only serves the purpose of keeping your focus on the negative. Nothing is accomplished by seeking to have the last word in an argument; it only satisfies your flesh. Oftentimes, in the aftermath of expressing how you really feel, more damage has been done and both you and the other person walk away with more negative emotions. On the flip side, communicating your thoughts and feelings in a positive way can provide a means for understanding, healing and forgiveness.

Don't live your life carrying around the burden of unforgiveness. Instead, sincerely let go of those things that have hurt you and make a decision in your heart to move forward. Break the cycle of being hurt and holding grudges by making a decision to resolve and release conflict, pain and anger. Decide never to revisit the issues. Instead of focusing on another person's faults, focus on how you can restore the relationship. Allow the Word of God to become your final authority and use it as a tool to bring healing and restoration in your life and in the lives of others.
Be sure to take advantage of the unlimited resources available via the Online Bookstore and Bible Study Center. You will find a wealth of information to help you grow spiritually and strengthen your walk with God.

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Monday, October 19, 2009

Girl Signs Of Flirting

Written by a guy

Recognizing signs of flirting from Christian single gals is an important skill to master if you’re a guy are interested in dating. One clueless single Christan guy (every church has a few) told me he didn’t think he needed to know the signs of flirting because he didn’t think Christian girls flirted. Yeah, okay.

Girl Signs of Flirting
Since most gals give subtle signs of flirting, it’s important for a guy, especially if they’re love shy or lacking in confidence, to know he has a fighting chance of dating them, and not face rejection. Quite frankly, the fragile male ego would have a hard time with this.

Analyzing Signs of Flirting
Men, the following signs of flirting will help you how to tell if a girl is flirting with you. However, there are a few flirting tip disclaimers here.First, they taught us in seminary never to build a theology based on one Bible verse. Likewise, great care needs to be taken here not to get too excited when you observe just one sign of flirting in a woman. What are we saying? These signs of flirting should be looked at cumulatively.Secondly, make observe how the single girl of interest treats other men around her. If she treats everyone the same way, she may just have a flirtatious personality, and not necessarily have any special feelings for you.

Top Signs of Flirting
Well, without further ado, here are some of the top signs of flirting some of our readers have come up with:

Sign of Flirting #1:
She repeatedly glances in your direction
Say your in a christian singles group. Is she looking your way every time you take a peek her way? Prolonged eye contact is a pretty strong sign of flirting. Just look behind you to make sure she’s not spying some other hunk sitting right behind you!

Sign of Flirting #2:
She goes out of her way to “bump” into you
My one friend met his wife this way. She always found a way to cross paths with him, even if she had no reason to be in area.

Sign of Flirting #3:
You keep seeing that smiling face
If a girl is frequently smiling at you , it’s a good indication that she enjoys hanging around. Smiling back at her will disarm any fear she may have about pursuing the matter.

Sign of flirting #4:
She laughs at your stupid jokes
This is a good indication you have her interest, but just go easy on the one liners.

Sign of Flirting #5:
She approaches you in conversation
A sure-fire sign of flirting, this also means she is not the shy type. Warning: Now that you have her attention, don’t blow it by not knowing how to keep a conversation going strong.

Sign of Flirting #6:
She gives you a compliment
Since deep down most men are really insecure cravers of attention , women interested in dating would do much better if they threw more compliments a guy’s way.

Sign of Flirting #7:
She shows other positive body language signs
Boy language is a powerful tool women use when flirting with a man, and most know how to use this flirting sign to their advantage. Social scientists tell us 97% of communication is nonverbal in nature, so it’s very important for a guy to catch some of these signs of flirting:
  • twirling a finger through her hair as she looks your way

  • winking

  • discreet touching of your arm or knee

  • moving and leaning toward you when speaking

  • uncrossed arms and legs when facing you in conversation.

Overall, learning the above signs of flirting is only the first step toward successful dating. The next step includes facing any fears you may have about actually reaching out and asking the single girl out.


Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Conversation Starter

Having good conversation starter skills are key to any successful dating or marriage relationship. Have you ever seen a dating couple enjoying a great conversation? You can just see and feel those sparks flying all over the place! Learning how to have good conversations with your potential soul mate will not only help you both grow closer, but will also make for a much more enjoyable dating experience.
Yet, how many of us seem at a loss when we try to start a conversation? Later on, we kick ourselves for not saying that funny thing or timely word. Duh! However, if you put into practice the following conversation starter tips for dating, you are on your way to succeeding in the future.

Conversation Starter Advice

Conversation Starter Tip 1: Don’t Hog the Ball!

We all hated that when we were kids, and as single adults we hate it when someone hogs a conversation. Remember, a good conversation starts with a dialogue, not a monologue. That means allowing your date to get in some of his or her thoughts as well.

Ever meet a person who asks you how you are doing, but then before you can open your mouth they spend the next 10 minutes droning on about their stuff? The bottom line is it’s boring and annoying all rolled into one, so don’t do it, okay? :)

Conversation Starter Tip 2: Show an Interest in Their Passion

Everyone enjoys speaking about themselves and their interests. So discover what your boyfriend or girlfriend is passionate about, and ask them sincere, open ended questions about the topic. You will see your date come alive, and a nice and easy flowing conversation will ensue. You may also find out something interesting and surprising about your single friend that you didn’t already know.

Conversation Starter Tip 3: Be Prepared with Topics

Think about some interesting topics to discuss from daily events, news or funny things that have happened to you recently. Just remember to avoid boring or controversial topics, like talking incessantly about the ex-girlfreind or boyfriend. This happens to be the number one complaint singles give about their dating partners.

Conversation Starter Tip 4: Give Them Undivided Attention

When you are having a conversation with your friend, make sure you concentrate solely on them. Look intently into their eyes while they are speaking. This not only makes them feel important, but will give them the impression that you really do care about what they are saying. And you do, right?

Conversation Starter Tip 5: Be Vulnerable

It’s hard to start a conversation with an overly guarded person. Hanging out with such a person is also a huge turnoff. Hey, we’re not saying you should be giving away your bank account number to strangers, but opening up your heart a little bit by sharing your feelings helps the other person relax, and makes them open to sharing as well.

Conversation Starter Tip 6: Understand Body Language

Did you know that 93% of communication is non-verbal? So when you are starting a conversation with your date, take cues from their body language to assess if you are communicating well.

Good signs to look for when having a conversation: Leaning forward to you, dilated pupils, revealing palms and wrists, smiling, or uncrossed arms and legs. As you might have guessed, a dating tipoff that your conversation is not going well would include: folded arms and/or legs, rolling eyes, smirks, yawns, leaning back and looking away from your eye contact. A smart communicator will gauge body language, and adjust their conversation accordingly.

I’m sure there are many other conversation starter tips we haven’t shared. Feel free to share and help others if you have any other conversation dating tips.

Thursday, October 8, 2009


1.Read Each One Carefully & Think About It a Second or Two

2. No man or woman is worth your tears, & the one who is, won't make you cry.

3. Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.

4. A
true friend is someone who reaches for your hand & touches your heart.

5. The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right beside them knowing you can' t have them

6. Never frown, even when you are sad, because you never know who is falling in love with your smile.

7. To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world.

8. Don't waste your time on someone, who isn't willing to waste their time on you.

9. Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one, so that when we finally meet the person, we will know how to be grateful.

10. Don't cry because it is over, smile because it happened.

11. There's always going to be people that hurt you so what you have to do is keep on trusting & just be more careful about who you trust next time around...

12. Make yourself a better person & know who you are before you try & know someone else & expect them to know you.

13. Don't try so hard, the best things come when you least expect them to.


author unknown

Monday, October 5, 2009

Tips for the Single Again Christian

Single Again Tip #1: Guard Your Heart

Recently single-again women and men have a void in

their lives that cries out for filling. They are also not thinking clearly. Additionally, they are especially open to making bad dating decisions, falling prey to sexual impurity and/or emotional “predators” The Bible warns us, “Above all else, guard you heart, for it is the wellspring of life.” (Proverbs 4:23)

The very last thing a recently single-again person needs during this time is to be taken advantage of sexually and/or have her or his heart broken all over again. That’s why most Christian and secular counselors recommend a time of up to one year after becoming single again that people not date. A single Christian parent dating with kids should be especially careful, since it’s not only their lives they are effecting, but the little ones’ as well.

Single Again Tip #2: Guard Your Wallet

Most recently single-again women (and to a lesser extent, men) have great anxiety and fear about how they will make ends meet. For Christian single parents, both custodial and non-custodial, financial stress over child support can also loom l


Let’s face it, when under financial stress, it’s easy for anybody to panic, and seek out quick fixes that can to can turn out badly. A clear mind with sound financial planning and budgeting can help at this time.

In this regard online help is available at Crown Financial Ministries. This international Christian organization offers free help on budgeting, with savings tips and internet radio broadcasts that recently single-again Christians would find helpful.

Single Again Tip #3: Guard Your Spirit

Becoming single again is a stressful thing because of the uncertainty and added responsibilities. Singles of all sorts would definitely benefit by reading some tips on how to reduce stress in their lives.

Also, since the recently single-again person can very easily feel isolated, plugging into a Christian singles support group where support , understanding and encouragement are offered would be beneficial toward the renewing of your spirit.